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Substance Abuse
I'm so very tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 648371" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Struggling,</p><p></p><p>You are not alone.... remember parents always make it seem to others that their kids are all fine and doing great. I am convinced that there is much more than environment who makes us who we are. I think innate wiring is a big part. I have two kids, both adopted. The grew up in the same environment but have different genetics. And from very early on the differences between them were obvious. My daughter is in college and doing great. My son started using substaces very young and has been struggling ever since. At the moment (now at age 23) he is doing better and I currently am hopeful... but also know I cant count on anything. So dont buy into that baloney that a person is a product of their environment... that is one small part of the picture.</p><p></p><p>One thing that has really helped me is finding a really great alanon group for parents. The first time I went my son was 19 and in jail. It felt to me like the worst thing a mother couuld go through, and except for this list I didnt know anyone else whose kids were going through the stuff mine was. Like you I wondered what I had done wrong. My first meeting I cried all the way through it..... but afterwards I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Here were other parents, and good parents, whose kids were also abusing drugs. They understood the late night phone calls and all the feelings I had. One of the things I took away from that meeting was the adage, You didnt cause it, you cant cure it and you cant control it!! So very true I have found. So I really suggest you find a real life support group for parents of kids who abuse drugs. My husband, also an engineer, goes with me. I think initially he went to go with me, but now he goes for himself. He rarely says anything but just being with others who get it is a comfort to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 648371, member: 15801"] Hi Struggling, You are not alone.... remember parents always make it seem to others that their kids are all fine and doing great. I am convinced that there is much more than environment who makes us who we are. I think innate wiring is a big part. I have two kids, both adopted. The grew up in the same environment but have different genetics. And from very early on the differences between them were obvious. My daughter is in college and doing great. My son started using substaces very young and has been struggling ever since. At the moment (now at age 23) he is doing better and I currently am hopeful... but also know I cant count on anything. So dont buy into that baloney that a person is a product of their environment... that is one small part of the picture. One thing that has really helped me is finding a really great alanon group for parents. The first time I went my son was 19 and in jail. It felt to me like the worst thing a mother couuld go through, and except for this list I didnt know anyone else whose kids were going through the stuff mine was. Like you I wondered what I had done wrong. My first meeting I cried all the way through it..... but afterwards I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Here were other parents, and good parents, whose kids were also abusing drugs. They understood the late night phone calls and all the feelings I had. One of the things I took away from that meeting was the adage, You didnt cause it, you cant cure it and you cant control it!! So very true I have found. So I really suggest you find a real life support group for parents of kids who abuse drugs. My husband, also an engineer, goes with me. I think initially he went to go with me, but now he goes for himself. He rarely says anything but just being with others who get it is a comfort to him. [/QUOTE]
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