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Substance Abuse
I'm so very tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 648378" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Ok, a LOT of what has been said covers what I believe but will still add my two cents in! First off, you and your wife need to be on the same page. If you aren't, its going to cause a huge amount of strain on your relationship. Im speaking from personal experience here. Our son started at 16 and we didn't really notice/ignored it until he was 17 which is a bad time in this state. Legally responsible for them but cant make them do anything. Its rough. But on top of the fact that it will cause you stress, if you don't stay on the same page when dealing with your child it will not only be useless but counter productive as well. My wife is the fixer, Im the disciplinarian. He calls mom not me because she's the softer touch and easier to manipulate. Before you deal with him talk to her in private and present a united front.</p><p></p><p>Its been said but I'll say it again because you need to hear it. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! Even if your child has some mental health issues he is choosing to do what he is doing. Granted, its because he doesn't know a better way but its still his choice. That being said, don't try to get a mental health diagnosis while he's on drugs, its useless. </p><p></p><p>Always be hopeful but be cautiously hopeful. The program your son is interested in. Is it something you have to pay for? If so, I'd advise against it until he has been drug free and shows marked improvement in school for quite a while. Our son was VERY good at bringing his grades when needed to keep us off his back. When we backed off a bit, the grades went back down.</p><p></p><p>Finally, make NO deals! Your house, your rules, end of discussion. MWM is right about tough love. It doesn't always work but being soft on them never does. It took my wife a while to figure that out but now that she has, things are going much better. Granted, our son is still doing stupid things but we are no longer funding it but more importantly, WE feel better for it. Our son was smoking cigarettes, pot, and K2 in the house. He was stealing from us and trashing his room. We finally kicked him out for stealing, now he has court tomorrow for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. But it was HIS choice to do this. We tried to teach him a good moral compass but as a teenager, friends have more influence than family. Morality and living a good life is boring and most teens, even the good ones, don't want boring.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 648378, member: 18238"] Ok, a LOT of what has been said covers what I believe but will still add my two cents in! First off, you and your wife need to be on the same page. If you aren't, its going to cause a huge amount of strain on your relationship. Im speaking from personal experience here. Our son started at 16 and we didn't really notice/ignored it until he was 17 which is a bad time in this state. Legally responsible for them but cant make them do anything. Its rough. But on top of the fact that it will cause you stress, if you don't stay on the same page when dealing with your child it will not only be useless but counter productive as well. My wife is the fixer, Im the disciplinarian. He calls mom not me because she's the softer touch and easier to manipulate. Before you deal with him talk to her in private and present a united front. Its been said but I'll say it again because you need to hear it. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! Even if your child has some mental health issues he is choosing to do what he is doing. Granted, its because he doesn't know a better way but its still his choice. That being said, don't try to get a mental health diagnosis while he's on drugs, its useless. Always be hopeful but be cautiously hopeful. The program your son is interested in. Is it something you have to pay for? If so, I'd advise against it until he has been drug free and shows marked improvement in school for quite a while. Our son was VERY good at bringing his grades when needed to keep us off his back. When we backed off a bit, the grades went back down. Finally, make NO deals! Your house, your rules, end of discussion. MWM is right about tough love. It doesn't always work but being soft on them never does. It took my wife a while to figure that out but now that she has, things are going much better. Granted, our son is still doing stupid things but we are no longer funding it but more importantly, WE feel better for it. Our son was smoking cigarettes, pot, and K2 in the house. He was stealing from us and trashing his room. We finally kicked him out for stealing, now he has court tomorrow for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. But it was HIS choice to do this. We tried to teach him a good moral compass but as a teenager, friends have more influence than family. Morality and living a good life is boring and most teens, even the good ones, don't want boring. [/QUOTE]
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