im soo

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Jena? Yup, it's clear the "easy child" does not respect you. Honestly, respect and fear are two different things... And difficult child, while it seems she does not respect you, is not only a tween but also in a whirlwind of mental health issues. So... I don't think you really want the kids afraid of you.

...When I am talking and gesturing? Jett inevitably ducks as if I am about to hit him. This is no way to live. Trust me. He isn't afraid of ME, exactly - I am female, and he HAS been hit, by a female...
 

Jena

New Member
i mean a healthy fear, i remember when i was a kid there were certain things i just wouldnt' say to my mother if i did she'd clock me bigtime. you just knew where to go where not to go and you knew the consequences.today if we looka t our kids sideways their screaming abuse. its' all bs.

as far as difficult child goes was a long rough couple of days. so i'm wiping slate clean, she's very stressed due to easy child and what's been going on. she actually got on very well with husband on the trip she was polite they talked in depth about some stuff. i was impressed with both of them.

i think it's time to let go of easy child. see if she returns sort of thing. i cant' keep living this way it's very unhealthy. i hate to give up thats' what i view letting go as yet i need to change my thought process on that one. child's been given all the tools to work thru her junk and refuses not to adn walks all over us and is really flipping our home upside down.

i'll probably miss her graduation, she'll really tank before she gets better. we are at a climactic point now. therapy isnt' working, she refuses medications, lies, steals, and 18 is around the corner. i'm going to have to double down on therapy to make it thru without medications at this point i think. if i need the medications i'll take them. i'm still managing. coming here to vent is a huge tool i soo appreciate it
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Sweetheart - letting go isn't giving up.

Letting go is kinda like what Mama Bird does to Baby Bird... First she detaches... Then she boots Baby out of the nest. Fly or fall.

In some cases, we just have to let them leave the nest early, to fly or fall on their own. I've done some stuff my parents just cringe at. But it's my life, not theirs. And... With the distance of time making hindsight ever clearer... I do understand why they cringe!

My parents didn't spank much. They lectured. I hated it. I'd have rather have been spanked, and I'm really not joking. Now - I get the reasoning. But I was never, ever worried about my parents hitting me. I was afraid of disappointing them. Still am... But I think I finally broke the major tie last year when I told them husband and I were going to try for a baby and my mother got super negative on me. I was hurt. I was offended. And after a few weeks of stewing, I finally told her that she hurt me when she said that, and she never had the family I have so of COURSE her house was cleaner when I was younger, and I didn't give a good g-d what she thought of my housekeeping skills. That she had told me I was a great Mom so she couldn't say I wouldn't be NOW... And ya know what Mom? It's MY LIFE.

I think I upset her, but she got over it. It took a hell of a lot of courage. But I felt better than I had in years. I wasn't afraid of her physically - but dang, the thought of upsetting my parents had me chained!

I also figured out that she would love another grandchild. She's cool with the ones she has, but another wouldn't break her heart. She doesn't want to see me hurt. Too bad - it's happened before and will happen again. She just gets negative, negative, negative when she has a glass of wine or two.

Thing is, I would not stand in Mom's way if she was really angry. I'd bet she could hurt someone. But I'd also bet she'd think it through first.
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
I just read the detachment article yesterday. My exBIL's daughter is giving them fits, as well. She's 17 and her mother is naive. They showed the mom photos of the girl smoking pot on facebook and mom refuses to accept it. So they are learning detachment.

Anyway, I love this part.
Letting Go'
* To "let go'' does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
* To "let go'' is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
* To "let go'' is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
* To "let go'' is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
* To "let go'' is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
* To "let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
* To "let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
* To "let go'' is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
* To "let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
* To "let go'' is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.
* To "let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
* To "let go'' is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
* To "let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
* To "let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
* To "let go'' is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
* To "let go'' is to fear less and love myself more.
 
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