Sweetheart - letting go isn't giving up.
Letting go is kinda like what Mama Bird does to Baby Bird... First she detaches... Then she boots Baby out of the nest. Fly or fall.
In some cases, we just have to let them leave the nest early, to fly or fall on their own. I've done some stuff my parents just cringe at. But it's my life, not theirs. And... With the distance of time making hindsight ever clearer... I do understand why they cringe!
My parents didn't spank much. They lectured. I hated it. I'd have rather have been spanked, and I'm really not joking. Now - I get the reasoning. But I was never, ever worried about my parents hitting me. I was afraid of disappointing them. Still am... But I think I finally broke the major tie last year when I told them husband and I were going to try for a baby and my mother got super negative on me. I was hurt. I was offended. And after a few weeks of stewing, I finally told her that she hurt me when she said that, and she never had the family I have so of COURSE her house was cleaner when I was younger, and I didn't give a good g-d what she thought of my housekeeping skills. That she had told me I was a great Mom so she couldn't say I wouldn't be NOW... And ya know what Mom? It's MY LIFE.
I think I upset her, but she got over it. It took a hell of a lot of courage. But I felt better than I had in years. I wasn't afraid of her physically - but dang, the thought of upsetting my parents had me chained!
I also figured out that she would love another grandchild. She's cool with the ones she has, but another wouldn't break her heart. She doesn't want to see me hurt. Too bad - it's happened before and will happen again. She just gets negative, negative, negative when she has a glass of wine or two.
Thing is, I would not stand in Mom's way if she was really angry. I'd bet she could hurt someone. But I'd also bet she'd think it through first.