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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 762062" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and welcome to the place you don't want to have to come to. None of us do but here we are.</p><p></p><p>I am not only on here for support, but have been a member of Nar Anon (for people who have loved ones on drugs,) for four years. I've been very involved in what to do and what I cant do about addiction in a loved one. It has been quite a ride.</p><p></p><p>The bad and almost universal news is that we can do nothing to change our addict. That's sadly right. We can and probably have bribed, begged, cried, offered housing (like you), threatened, and more. But we have no control over anybody else except us and how WE choose to live knowing that we have an addicted, irrational loved one. We can, and most eventually do, learn to detach with love from the choices they make... because we have no control over their choices. To get too involved causes other family problems, estrangement, bitterness and the feeling of helplessness. Can tear your family apart. Even bribing them into rehab is often a wash. They leave rehab early or use the minute they get out. Common story.</p><p></p><p>Addicts will stop using ONLY when/if they decide to do so. It will have nothing to do with you or your wife. It may not happen. It may. We have to live with unknowns. </p><p></p><p>To be sane for us, we joined Nar Anon and got a therapist and let our daughters fate rest with God. If God is not in your life, trust the universe or nature or anything comforting because we have no control. None. Nada. It is the same with every parent who comes to Nar Anon with an addicted child. We start out trying everything to "help,,". But our help doesn't help and we finally come to accept that we are powerless over the addict, that our life has become unmanageable. Then we start to work on us and there are so many wonderful ways to do this. My life is calm and good now with the family of ours that is stable and loving.</p><p></p><p> My daughter is still running around far away, but we can't force her to do better. We have tried everything. I mean everything. You think of it, and for ten years we did it at least once. So we finally let her go because we had no choice. She chose homelessness and drugs and government help. Will not work. Will not try. Says she is happy being.out.if the rat race.</p><p></p><p>I know that you are not ready to let go yet. At first we try everything.until nothing works. Go at your own pace BUT join Nar Anon (it is on Zoom now too) and/or find a therapist to help you learn how to live fully even with your child a mess. You can do it. We all do eventually. She may be one who quits but if so it will be her choice in her time. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for visiting and do keep coming back. We care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 762062, member: 23706"] Hi and welcome to the place you don't want to have to come to. None of us do but here we are. I am not only on here for support, but have been a member of Nar Anon (for people who have loved ones on drugs,) for four years. I've been very involved in what to do and what I cant do about addiction in a loved one. It has been quite a ride. The bad and almost universal news is that we can do nothing to change our addict. That's sadly right. We can and probably have bribed, begged, cried, offered housing (like you), threatened, and more. But we have no control over anybody else except us and how WE choose to live knowing that we have an addicted, irrational loved one. We can, and most eventually do, learn to detach with love from the choices they make... because we have no control over their choices. To get too involved causes other family problems, estrangement, bitterness and the feeling of helplessness. Can tear your family apart. Even bribing them into rehab is often a wash. They leave rehab early or use the minute they get out. Common story. Addicts will stop using ONLY when/if they decide to do so. It will have nothing to do with you or your wife. It may not happen. It may. We have to live with unknowns. To be sane for us, we joined Nar Anon and got a therapist and let our daughters fate rest with God. If God is not in your life, trust the universe or nature or anything comforting because we have no control. None. Nada. It is the same with every parent who comes to Nar Anon with an addicted child. We start out trying everything to "help,,". But our help doesn't help and we finally come to accept that we are powerless over the addict, that our life has become unmanageable. Then we start to work on us and there are so many wonderful ways to do this. My life is calm and good now with the family of ours that is stable and loving. My daughter is still running around far away, but we can't force her to do better. We have tried everything. I mean everything. You think of it, and for ten years we did it at least once. So we finally let her go because we had no choice. She chose homelessness and drugs and government help. Will not work. Will not try. Says she is happy being.out.if the rat race. I know that you are not ready to let go yet. At first we try everything.until nothing works. Go at your own pace BUT join Nar Anon (it is on Zoom now too) and/or find a therapist to help you learn how to live fully even with your child a mess. You can do it. We all do eventually. She may be one who quits but if so it will be her choice in her time. Thanks for visiting and do keep coming back. We care. [/QUOTE]
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