I'm stunned. 35 won the custody battle so to speak.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yep, he was in pretrial today and the judge ruled that ex's complaints were frivalous and that there will be no change in the legal (joint) or 50/50 custody. In fact, if anything ex got shot down. 35 saw her later on crying hysterically in the parking lot because she really thought she'd get legal and physical custody, but that won't happen now.

    So how do I feel?

    I'm numb. Ex is crazy but so is 35. Maybe it's best that they split the time so he can get a break from both (grandson). My ex is there and 35 is ready to have a little celebration. After all he put me through during this trial, I am exhausted and just glad it's over because pre-trail will almost 100% go the same way as the trial. In fact, the judge, the GAL, the psychologist and both attorneys want to settle, not go to trial. Ex never gives up and doesn't want to skip the trial, but she can't win and her lawyer is pressuring hard to just sign the parenting plan.

    So what was all the grief and anger over? Yes, from the outside it seemed like these people were siding with ex, which made 35's incredible anxiety ramp up to the sky. And he called me for "support" that I didn't know how to give so I got his abuse. If I feel anything, it is relief that it's done and sadness that grandson will have to spend a lot of time parenting his dysfunctional parents. God only knows how, but my little grandson is a very strong, tough kid and far more stable than either of his parents...plus mature, stable, and EXTREMELY bright. I hope he can do this.

    So far, however, 35 is very good with grandson so...maybe in the future...I refuse to worry about the future. I just can't and I'm on my way to watch Jumper play possibly her last volley ball game at her beloved school.

    Nobody is more shocked than me that 35 won and it WAS a win because he did not want to take grandson from ex...he wanted things to stay the same. Whoda thunk it? But, as I said, ex is an unstable wreck too.

    Well, ready to cheer until my voice is gone for Jumper and hoping to hello that this custody crapola is no longer a part of my life. Thanks all for listening for all those horrible months.
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Soooo glad for you that it is over!!!! :)

    Go Jumper!!!
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Aww, MWM, I'm so glad that you have Jumper! She's a pretty terrific kid. I'm stunned by the legal decision, I was as sure as you that he would lose custody.
  4. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I don't know if this is really over or not. Win or no win, I really feel for your grandson. It's very scary to know that both of his parents are so dysfunctional. 35 has some very serious problems and the thought of any child in his "care" is concerning. No matter how strong your grandson is, he shouldn't have to bear responsibility for his parents problems.

    For your sake, I'm glad it's over for you. I know that's a relief.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am rather glad the judge ruled 50/50, esp if ex is as whacked as she seems to you. in my opinion it does a child far more harm than good to keep either parent away from the child unless abuse is happening. in my opinion Liahona has every right to be afraid for her son, as her ex is dangerous but able to fool authorities. In this case, with your grandson, both parents are not wonderful, but excluding either is not the answer.

    I wondered if this would happen. Around here you have to pretty much kill someone to get your rights limited. Niece still must spend half her time with her mother even though the woman is an alcoholic drug addict *****. I mean each of those in the strictest legal sense of the word. She drinks and uses until she passes out most days, she lost her RN license due to drug use and stealing opiates from patients and even passing out at a patient's home was not enough to end her career as a nurse. It took almost ten YEARS of this to lose her license. Multiple drug arrests, other arrests, etc.... and still the judge will not modify the custody order. In fact, not long ago she did not know her daughter (age NINE) left her home on Friday (exsil tried to give niece's pet to a boyfriend ho wanted to cook and eat it - right in front of niece) and was at my parents until Sunday afternoon. Exsil had ZERO idea where niece was, and thought she had spent the entire time in her bedroom. Even that is not enough to make a judge modify the custody orders. I find it APPALLING, and wondered what your son's ex said to even think she had a chance at changing the custody order.

    I hope and pray that J is as strong as he will need to be. I think you need to move past this and let the day to day joys of your life take over and let your son start dealing iwth his own life. If he is abusive to you again, hang up and don't answer the phone for a few days. Don't apologize, explain or otherwise discuss it with him. NOTHING you tell him will make any difference to him, because only what he wants to hear matters in his world.
  6. accmama

    accmama Guest

    (((hugs)))) I don't have anything to add, but I didn't want to read and not respond. YOu've been such an encouragement to me (aka mamakathy) and I wanted to be sure to encourage you in some small way. So glad it is over and I'll be praying for all of you, especially your sweet grandson.
  7. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    That is how it is so often with our difficult child kids. From chaos to crisis to some other kind of inappropriate emotion. You have been through the wringer, MWM. It's not easy. You have been preparing for what was going to happen when 35 lost for so long.

    An emotional roller coaster.

    Will 35 call you, now? Will he still be abusive, or is he different when things are going his way?

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all.

    Will 35 call me? I DON'T CARE!!!!! I hope he doesn't call much because I will always hear his abusiveness ringing through my head.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending supportive, understanding hugs MWM. Wishing you truckloads of PEACE!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It sounds like "the best interests of the child" determined custody. I am happy that he will know both of his parents and hopefully he'll pick up the strong points of each. Yeah. DDD
  11. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Hopefully things will settle down for you now.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. Now that 35 is no longer going to sprout homicidal threats and will become calmer I *may* visit my grandson this summer, if my husband will be coming with me. J. needs his extended relatives in his life. Not saying I'm a stable person...lol...but I CAN be when I NEED to be and ex's entire family is nutty.....ex's sister tells her kids how she sleeps with men in hotels, for example. Other grandmother has a breathalyzer in her car for getting so many DUIs. I want to establish a relationship with J. while he is still little because, at some time, we may be the only stability he has. Both husband and I at least don't say crazy things to little kids and don't break the law and are nurturing. So we s hall see. If 35 continues to be verbally aggressive...well, that could keep us from going. Right now, I can't find my cell phone and nobody knows our Vontage phone number so it's been blissfully peaceful here...hehe. I almost dread finding my cell phone or getting another cell phone tonight! A day without a phone is as good as Calgon taking me away...lolol.

    You are all such wonderful people and I value you all so very much. You are all in my heart.
  13. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I hope you get to make that visit!
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You are the only stability grandson has. Now. Already.

    I hope you're able to get to visit and get close with him. In the meantime, you could send him little surprises and notes in the mail. Little kids love love love to get mail. If it's from a grandparent......puts them right over the top in feeling both loved and cherished. Doesn't have to be much.....a note, a card, a surprise Hershey bar (they fit nicely into the envelopes lol ) just something that tells him loud and clear that grandma is thinking of him even though she is far away.

    I'm surprised 35 won as well, honestly I'm surprised the court hasn't removed him from the custody of both his parents due to the emotional / mental anguish they cause him intentionally or unintentionally.

    I hope now that this part is over you can have some peace and life can go back to a more normal state.

  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Wow! I mean, just, WOW!

    35's ex would be very smart to sign the custody/visitation agreement. When judges see that someone isn't willing to take the court's recommendation they usually give that someone less than is offered in the agreement that was offered. I do know this for sure. Tell 35 to sign it posthaste! If she won't agree to it, she won't agree to it but his signature will give him another win. I promise.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hound Dog, as bad as 35 is, his ex is every bit as bad or worse. And, yes, possibly less mature. Yes, I said LESS mature. And not bright.At least 35 is academically bright (I wouldn't call him "life" smart). Ex really believed that she could run off with another man while married then wipe my grandson's family (she hates all of us) out of grandson's life. She honestly believed she and her new honey (now husband) would ride off into the sunset and never see us again. Yes, really. That's why she had a sobbing meltdown in the parking lot after the pre-trial. She thought she had it in the bag.

    It wouldn't shock me if she insisted on going to trial even though the judge, the GAL, the psychologist AND her lawyer want her to sign the agreement that the Judge writes, which basically leaves thing about the same. One big difference is that ex used to forbid my son from calling grandson on the phone when she had custody. She said it was HER time and he could only call once even if she had him five days in a row. Now she has to let him talk to his son every day. It's going to be written down. I can not predict the future, but 35 is crazy about his son. May be the only person he loves that much. And since GAL and psychologist both questioned my grandson in detail, without his parents being there, I'm pretty satisfied that he is not being physically or verbally abused by either parent. He is the type of kid who would say so. Plus his behavior is excellent...no red flags of anything bad going on. I hope, I hope and pray.

    I am going to try to get to MIssouri, if 35 has settled down and is more stable, this summer. I can't afford to go there a lot. He moved too far away from me and the money isn't there. I talk to him on the phone and send him little packages of fun stuff a lot. That's the most I can do. My ex husband goes there often. He is retired and can do it. Although he's a little bit disinterested when he is there, he is still pretty stable, obeys the law, doesn't do any kinky stuff and my grandson adores him.

    Fortunately, my grandson is extremely bright (he tests way above his age level) much like most of the men in my family (I am not sure why it's just the men...lol). His intelligence has helped him better understand a very difficult situation. His reasoning powers are off the charts. But he is still just a five year old little boy and I wish he lived closer to us so that he could benefit by being near my husband, me, Sonic and Jumper. As it is now, there is no way we can afford to ALL take frequent trips to Missouri. He will be missing out on a wonderful Step-Grandfather, uncle, and aunt.
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    MWM, I remember one time at a hearing (the 4th or 5th time?) when L's dad and Step were trying to terminate my rights - yet again. They had said I couldn't see her, and I didn't for about 7 months. (A very long sad story that all of the old timers know and I won't go into again.) They always had the nastiest attorneys, and I always had to represent myself. On this particular occasion their attorney was really ramping it up that I was neglectful in not finding a way to see her (I would show up for what few scheduled visits I had and they would say "no") and she kept getting closer and closer to the stand and as Perry Mason would say "badgering" me. She got right in my face and said, "In fact, you never even called L on the telephone once in the entire time you didn't see her, did you?" I admitted that I had not. She said (an attorney should never ask this question), "And why didn't you call her?" I replied "I didn't know I could."

    L's stepmom had had her call me on speaker phone up until that time. L was 3.5 years old. That worked once. I would say, "I can't hear you very well when you're on the speaker phone. I need you to talk into the handset, not the speaker. The speaker hurts my ears." Then she would get on the phone and not have much to say, like any 3 year old. So, in my rebuttal to the nasty atty's questioning I testified that one reason in particular I didn't talk on the phone much to L was that whenever I did the phone always went to speakerphone, and I didn't like that it could be heard and/or recorded.

    The judge ordered that I be allowed to speak to L on the phone any time that I pleased, and that it was to never be on the speakerphone unless I requested it.