Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Impact of difficult child's on their siblings
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 634590" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>There is a book called The Normal One about being the sibling of a different or problem kid. It is worth reading, although it is a little heavy handed. Some of the stories are horrifying (mostly abusive parents). But it does shed some interesting and sad light about the burden and often guilt of the easy child.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child has a twin sister and two younger brothers. The impact on their lives is sad. He used to steal from all of them, but they were so disorganized and lost so much stuff themselves (and I was in so much denial) that I could never be sure....so he got away with it a LOT. At one point one of them asked how I could let him live in the same house with them. His twin is a great reader, loves loves loves books (and is studying classics and philosophy in college) and he used to take her books. He doesn't read them. He took everyone's CD's ipods, whatever. The anger they bear about that is deep.</p><p></p><p>One of my younger boys, whenever he has a fever, hallucinates the sound of people yelling in another room. That would be my ex and me yelling at difficult child , usually caught in a lie, or refusing to get out of bed for school. </p><p></p><p>My daughter bears a terrible guilt for not somehow protecting him from himself better. She says she always felt like she was older (and she is...by 4 minutes) and should have taken better care of him.</p><p></p><p>There was a time when we locked him in the front foyer and gave him a sleeping bag. He was about 17..we didn't want him on the streets but couldn't trust him in the house. He used to come and go, use drugs, pass out..his younger brothers (12 at the time) stepped over him on their way to school in the morning.</p><p></p><p>Recently he went to visit one of his brothers at work (the younger brother works as a life guard). He looks crazy now, long hair, unshaven, dirty clothes. The other kids were like "uh, some one claming to be your brother is asking for you." easy child said "do not ever come to my work again or I will kill you." They have a lot of shame and embarassement.</p><p></p><p>He also texted his other younger brother and offered to pay him 5 dollars for each new customer (for pot) he delivered.</p><p></p><p>One of my kids says "can we just admit that it will be better if he just gets hit by a bus"</p><p></p><p>His twin was home for a week for in August, first time since January. She refused to pick up his calls or to see him.</p><p></p><p>So...yes...difficult for all.</p><p></p><p>I have a friend who had bio twins and adopted three kids (a singleton and a set of twins, half siblings) after fostering them. It was a forced extraction, meaning the mother's rights were legally terminated against her will, and she manipulated the kids a lot. All of the three kids were very disturbed and problematic, but one was a true sociopath, and went to juvie after sexually assaulting a classmate. Before that everyone in the house was sleeping with locked doors out of a vague fear of him. Her older daughter slept at friends' houses every weekend all through high school...her mom thought she was just gregarious, but later she told her that she had nightmares, and was trying to stay away from STeven. That kid did a lot of damage.</p><p></p><p>Don't forget your easy child's. Love them, smile at them, make time for them. Help them know that is isn't their fault, they didn't cause it can't fix it. Help them know that the difficult child's in their lives do NOT have the power to ruin their lives or yours. Make them feel safe in talking about how it has impacted them. Validate their feelings of distress. It causese more and different pain than we can know.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 634590, member: 17269"] There is a book called The Normal One about being the sibling of a different or problem kid. It is worth reading, although it is a little heavy handed. Some of the stories are horrifying (mostly abusive parents). But it does shed some interesting and sad light about the burden and often guilt of the easy child. My difficult child has a twin sister and two younger brothers. The impact on their lives is sad. He used to steal from all of them, but they were so disorganized and lost so much stuff themselves (and I was in so much denial) that I could never be sure....so he got away with it a LOT. At one point one of them asked how I could let him live in the same house with them. His twin is a great reader, loves loves loves books (and is studying classics and philosophy in college) and he used to take her books. He doesn't read them. He took everyone's CD's ipods, whatever. The anger they bear about that is deep. One of my younger boys, whenever he has a fever, hallucinates the sound of people yelling in another room. That would be my ex and me yelling at difficult child , usually caught in a lie, or refusing to get out of bed for school. My daughter bears a terrible guilt for not somehow protecting him from himself better. She says she always felt like she was older (and she is...by 4 minutes) and should have taken better care of him. There was a time when we locked him in the front foyer and gave him a sleeping bag. He was about 17..we didn't want him on the streets but couldn't trust him in the house. He used to come and go, use drugs, pass out..his younger brothers (12 at the time) stepped over him on their way to school in the morning. Recently he went to visit one of his brothers at work (the younger brother works as a life guard). He looks crazy now, long hair, unshaven, dirty clothes. The other kids were like "uh, some one claming to be your brother is asking for you." easy child said "do not ever come to my work again or I will kill you." They have a lot of shame and embarassement. He also texted his other younger brother and offered to pay him 5 dollars for each new customer (for pot) he delivered. One of my kids says "can we just admit that it will be better if he just gets hit by a bus" His twin was home for a week for in August, first time since January. She refused to pick up his calls or to see him. So...yes...difficult for all. I have a friend who had bio twins and adopted three kids (a singleton and a set of twins, half siblings) after fostering them. It was a forced extraction, meaning the mother's rights were legally terminated against her will, and she manipulated the kids a lot. All of the three kids were very disturbed and problematic, but one was a true sociopath, and went to juvie after sexually assaulting a classmate. Before that everyone in the house was sleeping with locked doors out of a vague fear of him. Her older daughter slept at friends' houses every weekend all through high school...her mom thought she was just gregarious, but later she told her that she had nightmares, and was trying to stay away from STeven. That kid did a lot of damage. Don't forget your easy child's. Love them, smile at them, make time for them. Help them know that is isn't their fault, they didn't cause it can't fix it. Help them know that the difficult child's in their lives do NOT have the power to ruin their lives or yours. Make them feel safe in talking about how it has impacted them. Validate their feelings of distress. It causese more and different pain than we can know. Echo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Impact of difficult child's on their siblings
Top