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Impending difficult child visit.....what should I do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 623220" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I agree that preparation is key. It will help if you know how you are going to deal with a crisis in advance. Believe for the best, anticipate her visit with real joy ~ how good it is going to be to see her again, however it comes out! </p><p></p><p>But try to have a go to plan ready for areas where you think trouble might erupt. I would research </p><p>last-minute airfares too, just in case. Spirit Air has reasonable fares at short notice. </p><p></p><p>If we are prepared, we are more relaxed.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Are you prepared for how you will answer, if difficult child asks to come home?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is the feeling tone you want to keep going back to during the visit. How did you get to this easier place with your child? Those are the behaviors and styles of thinking you need to keep in mind throughout the visit. Half the battle for us is maintaining an awareness of our family patterns of communication. Where have those patterns created problems in the past? Choose ahead of time how you would like to see things go during the course of this visit, and identify behaviors or phrases you might employ to calm the waters and keep everything open and warm.</p><p></p><p>Forgive yourself now, forgive yourself already, if this visit does not go well. There will be another time. You love her. She loves you. Each of you loves the other enough that you are willing to try. That is huge, really. It may not be enough to get you through the visit? But this willingness to try is a great start, and I am happy for you. </p><p></p><p>It will be helpful, I think, for you to post index cards with quotations that you find helpful in restoring inner balance, or in remembering how much you love her, or in the value of family ~ whatever appeals to you, whatever means something to you. I do this just for everyday, but especially if there is something important coming up. My kids "spy" on me that way. They know I do this, they know it helps me remember my best self, my highest intention. We have had some incredible conversations around the quotes I have posted on my refrigerator. </p><p></p><p>In them is my sincerity of intention, really...how I want to be, how I want to love them.</p><p></p><p>So much of what happens to all of us, whether in the day to day world or in the private worlds of our families, has to do with fear of disapproval or rejection of who we ARE. It really does help me to remember how I want to love them and even, how I want to love and be perceived by myself, for myself and in my own heart.</p><p></p><p>I am way happy for you!</p><p> </p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 623220, member: 17461"] I agree that preparation is key. It will help if you know how you are going to deal with a crisis in advance. Believe for the best, anticipate her visit with real joy ~ how good it is going to be to see her again, however it comes out! But try to have a go to plan ready for areas where you think trouble might erupt. I would research last-minute airfares too, just in case. Spirit Air has reasonable fares at short notice. If we are prepared, we are more relaxed. Are you prepared for how you will answer, if difficult child asks to come home? That is the feeling tone you want to keep going back to during the visit. How did you get to this easier place with your child? Those are the behaviors and styles of thinking you need to keep in mind throughout the visit. Half the battle for us is maintaining an awareness of our family patterns of communication. Where have those patterns created problems in the past? Choose ahead of time how you would like to see things go during the course of this visit, and identify behaviors or phrases you might employ to calm the waters and keep everything open and warm. Forgive yourself now, forgive yourself already, if this visit does not go well. There will be another time. You love her. She loves you. Each of you loves the other enough that you are willing to try. That is huge, really. It may not be enough to get you through the visit? But this willingness to try is a great start, and I am happy for you. It will be helpful, I think, for you to post index cards with quotations that you find helpful in restoring inner balance, or in remembering how much you love her, or in the value of family ~ whatever appeals to you, whatever means something to you. I do this just for everyday, but especially if there is something important coming up. My kids "spy" on me that way. They know I do this, they know it helps me remember my best self, my highest intention. We have had some incredible conversations around the quotes I have posted on my refrigerator. In them is my sincerity of intention, really...how I want to be, how I want to love them. So much of what happens to all of us, whether in the day to day world or in the private worlds of our families, has to do with fear of disapproval or rejection of who we ARE. It really does help me to remember how I want to love them and even, how I want to love and be perceived by myself, for myself and in my own heart. I am way happy for you! Cedar [/QUOTE]
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