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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 664863" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I loved these posts.</p><p></p><p>The truth is so simple and that is why we missed it. And it is not a win for anyone. These incidents were just true events that happened because certain rather ordinary people decided to do them hoping they'd hurt us</p><p></p><p>I remember a ridicules conversation I had with my mother after I was separated and living apart from my ex. I'd already filed for divorce. </p><p></p><p>I guess I'm a slow learner (cognitive disorder n o s. Remember). I was dumb enough to tell her I'd met a man I liked.</p><p></p><p>Her response was, in her nasty mocking voice, "you're a married lady and you're dating???? How cheap can you get! I could NEVER do that. That's wrong."</p><p></p><p>Me: we're getting divorced!</p><p></p><p>Her: but you're not. That's so cheap! How could you?</p><p></p><p>Ah, that lack of abuse!</p><p></p><p>I doubt she would have said that if it had been my sister. In fact I know she wouldn't have. To make it even sillier, she cared nothing for my ex . She knew he couldn't stand her.but any chance she had to try to make me seem bad, she did it. </p><p></p><p>Reminds me of "you only adopted those kids because of the money they give you."</p><p></p><p>Look, I got a head start in knowing how my mom was setting me up for alienation because she had no nice outer persona to me. She was nice to only her very few golden people and did not disguise her mean streak in pretty outer trappings.</p><p></p><p>And I was a feisty kid with learning problems and mental health problems from early on and she knew it was easy to upset me. And she did and never once tried to help me. She blamed me. I was very perceptive, as writers are, and I knew. And when she pushed my buttons on purpose I dared to tell the truth about how I saw her as she also constantly pointed out how I was lacking. That marked me. </p><p>The scapegoat is usually the kindest one but also the one most likely to talk openly about what is wrong in a very sick family. Like mine.</p><p>Other scapegoats are not vocal about the dysfunction we all share one trait. </p><p></p><p>We are the most vulnerable one in the family. Often others also see us as vulnerable and we get bullied at school and work. </p><p></p><p>But our good hearts keep us trying to please those who take advantage of us and our perception often clears our cloudy vision.</p><p></p><p>And here we stand. Tall. For reasons known only to them, they really wanted to destroy us but they made us stronger. We learned to appreciate love and are loved back. Not by them, but are they capable of healthy love? Have they ever had long term love relationships?</p><p></p><p>We, the weakest, have become the strongest. And people we once knew and loved with who tried to break us are no longer important.</p><p></p><p>I believe I chose to spend this lifetime with these people as an important lesson. I had to learn what love really is and to love all who let me. And to especially love the needy and downtrodden.</p><p></p><p>And not to waste my love on those who don't return it. Move on. Carry on. We are soldiers.</p><p></p><p>And we are still standing, triumphant and strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 664863, member: 1550"] I loved these posts. The truth is so simple and that is why we missed it. And it is not a win for anyone. These incidents were just true events that happened because certain rather ordinary people decided to do them hoping they'd hurt us I remember a ridicules conversation I had with my mother after I was separated and living apart from my ex. I'd already filed for divorce. I guess I'm a slow learner (cognitive disorder n o s. Remember). I was dumb enough to tell her I'd met a man I liked. Her response was, in her nasty mocking voice, "you're a married lady and you're dating???? How cheap can you get! I could NEVER do that. That's wrong." Me: we're getting divorced! Her: but you're not. That's so cheap! How could you? Ah, that lack of abuse! I doubt she would have said that if it had been my sister. In fact I know she wouldn't have. To make it even sillier, she cared nothing for my ex . She knew he couldn't stand her.but any chance she had to try to make me seem bad, she did it. Reminds me of "you only adopted those kids because of the money they give you." Look, I got a head start in knowing how my mom was setting me up for alienation because she had no nice outer persona to me. She was nice to only her very few golden people and did not disguise her mean streak in pretty outer trappings. And I was a feisty kid with learning problems and mental health problems from early on and she knew it was easy to upset me. And she did and never once tried to help me. She blamed me. I was very perceptive, as writers are, and I knew. And when she pushed my buttons on purpose I dared to tell the truth about how I saw her as she also constantly pointed out how I was lacking. That marked me. The scapegoat is usually the kindest one but also the one most likely to talk openly about what is wrong in a very sick family. Like mine. Other scapegoats are not vocal about the dysfunction we all share one trait. We are the most vulnerable one in the family. Often others also see us as vulnerable and we get bullied at school and work. But our good hearts keep us trying to please those who take advantage of us and our perception often clears our cloudy vision. And here we stand. Tall. For reasons known only to them, they really wanted to destroy us but they made us stronger. We learned to appreciate love and are loved back. Not by them, but are they capable of healthy love? Have they ever had long term love relationships? We, the weakest, have become the strongest. And people we once knew and loved with who tried to break us are no longer important. I believe I chose to spend this lifetime with these people as an important lesson. I had to learn what love really is and to love all who let me. And to especially love the needy and downtrodden. And not to waste my love on those who don't return it. Move on. Carry on. We are soldiers. And we are still standing, triumphant and strong. [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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