In-law drama... I'm staying OUT of this!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    We've got three bdays this month. difficult child 1's last weekend, husband's this coming weekend, and his mom's the week after that. His mom and dad are in town right now. His mom apparently wants everyone to get together to celebrate the three bdays. Problem is, she doesn't talk to the right people and it makes things very messy.

    So husband's middle sister calls last weekend and left messages suggesting next Sunday for the gathering and she offered either my house or hers since she has a pool and the kids could all swim.

    I talked to her Sunday night to confirm and she was waffling on having it at her house, so I told her if they all wanted to they could come to our house (but that there wasn't much for the kids to do since w don't have a pool). She said they'd all come over some time after 2pm since husband's oldest sister works in the mornings. And she'd call and let me know what they were bringing (apparently this is also a potluck). Fine.

    Yesterday, husband says there is some confusion now because his youngest sister can't make it for the Sunday gathering and would rather do Saturday. But that doesn't work for us at all, or his oldest sister.

    Meanwhile the middle sister is getting pi$$ed because she feels like the mom is expecting her to coordinate all this and now it's getting complicated.

    And mother in law keeps calling my cell and not leaving a message (I don't call people back unless they leave a message or unless I have something to say to them). So mother in law just called here and says, "Oh, you ARE home. What's going on, what are we doing? Are we getting together this weekend?"

    So I simply reiterated my understanding based on my last conversation with the middle sis -- that everyone's coming here Sunday. Then she starts asking if she should come by to see us, confusing me even more. I ask "When?" She says well you tell me because husband said this or that day wasn't good... blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get the kids out the door to school, so I said I'd have to talk to her later.

    I put a note on husband's briefcase to please call his mom and figure this out. I am NOT getting involved in this circus.

    I just realized what the problem here really is. husband's mom has made all those kids a bunch of co-dependent freaks. She makes a wish and they all run around jumping through hoops to make it happen for her! And instead of her taking control or being direct about what she wants, she forces these people to try to figure it out themselves and take control of things when it really isn't for them to do, and they end up looking like asses because they're trying to manipulate a situation instead of just being straightforward about what they want and asking people for help. No wonder the middle sis is frustrated. She's trying to control and organize something that's not even at her house! If mother in law had simply called husband and said, "I'd like to get together with everyone for our bdays, can we do it at your house?" then we could have taken a lead role in this. But now it's a circus with three sisters trying to coordinate this for their mom at our house without even talking to us.

    It's just plain crazy.

    So if you've read this far, I owe you a cup of coffee so you can stay awake!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is nuts!

    Honestly...McDonalds with a playland sounds good to me.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hey, I've been to that circus! My favorite was the elephant pooper scooper!

    Sorry. I can relate. I stopped catering to my in-laws requests. If we can't make it, we don't go, and we don't tell anyone until right before the event, or it turns into the same thing.

    Go husband.

    (funny little side-note - I stopped making a point to talk to and include my mother in law and she JUST found out difficult child 1 got married. She is seething. LOL

    But, she doesn't ask husband about anyone but easy child 2, she doesn't ever call me - heck, she drove by difficult child 1 in our yard the day before he got married and didn't even stop to say hi, or she'd have known about it....but I quit feeding her info. I find it humerous.)
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'll take that cup of coffee. :D

    Well........since this thing is supposed to be taking place at your house.......You could set the time and day and let the chips fall where they may. That takes the headache part out of it. I don't think I'd like another person making get together plans for my house.

    You mother in law reminds me of my mother, her sibs. I stopped playing that game shortly after I left home.

    I don't envy you.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Tell them you all have CHICKEN POX.......

    (sorry Herbert) I know you're not a dirty bird.

    And I like 1/2 and 1/2, medium breakfast blend with, 1 tsp of Splenda blend.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wow, can y'all have a more complicated situation withthe families? Doesn't it make Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter a train-wreck? I couldn't handle that. I have a hard enough time with just my bro and his always being late and always having to be the ONLY one to provide a dessert and insisting that is has to have nuts. I HATE eating nuts. I know and am related to too many. And they just feel strange in my teeth. But gfgbro INSISTS that I LOVE nuts and that they must be in every freakin' thing he cooks - and he gets all upset and cries if I don't eat "enough" of whatever nut-laden dessert he brings for us to cannibalize. Creeps me out, literally, to bite into nuts.

    I hate even thinking about it.

    Many, you married an entire family that does this?

    I owuld make your husband set up and monitor ALL interaction with them. It works pretty well for husband and I to set it up that way. His folks rarely know what we are doing, but that is how HE sets things up, not me. They sure aren't my parents.

    Anyway, I am sorry you have to cope with all this. Give it ALL to your husband to cope with.

  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    3-ring circus indeed!
    Could you just load them all into a clown car and have them drive somewhere?

    I think the others are need to let husband handle the in-law communications, and stand far back from all of this mess.

    Sorry you're having to deal with this.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks everyone! All I can say is you can't pick your relatives -- but I sure could've paid better attention when I first met husband... okay, better not dwell on that too much or I'm gonna be jumping off a bridge! Anyway, he was home sick today so I did end up getting on the phone to clarify some things. Now it appears that the party is NOT at my house (fine by me)! And mother in law is coming over Friday to our place for dinner (not sure if I'm cooking or we're going out... we'll see how the next two days go).

    Thank you for confirming that THEY are all the crazy ones! When we all get together next Fall, first round of coffee is on me! :D
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hey, I think it's great that you have them all pegged so well and can see what is going on in such a dysfuunctional family. It would be hard to stay sane otherwise! Ok, it's hard anyway- but you're doing a gret job!! Glad to hear it's finally getting settled!