In shock

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, May 30, 2013.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    A friend of a friend saw on difficult child's FB page that he was going to visit bio dad. Not good. See my signature. I know difficult child will try anything to get his way, stay in his disease and hurt me.

    i am not going to bend to abusive demands from him. I have told him that for a while. I am not safe meeting him for any reason.

    i believe bio dad will come here to demand docs and leave difficult child just off my property so he isn't trespassing. It fits his pattern. For that reason, I have packed and will be going to a hotel with my dogs about 9am.

    my neighbors will drive by extra as will the police. I may return sat and may stay til sun.

    see if this makes sense plz. I'm in shock and am trying to grasp this....while my fears and ego hates the fact they will spend hours lying and criticizing me, I know this needs to end for me. At least for now. I am outta ideas, hope and patience. While I would be shocked if difficult child recovered there, maybe he can heal his broken spots where his bio dad is concerned now he has chosen to face him. He never wanted to talk about him.

    I'm praying they will leave me alone. I am going to need to heal and grieve. This is about as deep as a betrayal can get.
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Forgot I changed my signature. Bio dad abused me. I divorced him when difficult child was 3. He started abusing difficult child. About 16 months later, bio dad gave up rights and moved away.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Please let us know that you are safe.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh I am praying for you!!! Take care of YOU!!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    (((Hugs!))) Stay safe and you are doing the right thing. I'm so sorry.
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    AG, maybe in difficult child's own sick way he's trying to put together all the pieces of "who I am."

    You have a good support system, you're doing all the right things - stay very safe and check in here when possible.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending hugs............stay safe.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's not right that you should be forced out of your house but you have to do what you need to do to stay safe. If he threatens you in any way you should call the police and get a restraining order against bio dad.

    In a way I'm not surprised difficult child wants to speak to him. It's a missing piece of his life and he needs to see for himself. The bottom line is you want your difficult child to be well. However that happens for him is good. I know there is a lot of bad history between you and bio dad but don't let that make you feel inferior or bad. Your difficult child does not understand or remember the abuse so he needs to put that piece into perspective. You are a strong woman and you will get through this.

    Stay safe AG.
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Stay safe! I will keep you in my prayers.
  10. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Stay safe and check in when you can. Hugs to you.
  11. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    I'm in the hotel.

    i agree with nancy that difficult child needs to heal those old places and this might be in his best interests although he is doing it now for the wrong reasons.

    difficult child says he has no good memories of bio. Only bad. He recalls us both being hit. Tells me how sick he is to choose bio now as his 'saviour'. But that's the nature of this beast....illogical choices.

    bio lives 4 hours away. It's going to be easier on me to not have to worry about difficult child all the time. I'm concerned about my mental state. difficult child also is in touch w my mother...the alcoholic who tried to blackmail me four years ago. I feel deeply betrayed by difficult child after spending almost 20 years of always being there for him, especially when these two idiots weren't.

    going to try to be calm as noon approaches. That's difficult children deadline for me to bring what he demanded. If we can get to 2 pm with-o an issue at my house, he will likely be gone.
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    AG I am glad you are safe and that you are taking care of yourself. I know and understand your feelings of betrayal, but i doubt difficult child sees it that way or is trying to do that. Kids need to separate and differentiate themselves from their mothers and that includes their relationships. So difficult child needs to figure out his own relationship with bio dad and grandmother and him doing that is not a betrayal of you. However it is all the more complicated because he is a difficult child and their are drugs involved.... those things muddy the water and probably makes his decision making poor to say the least. I think it is really important though that you dont take his poor choices personally... they are not really about you. At the same time continue to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and stay safe.


  13. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Thanks TL....your thoughts help.

    I know this isn't about me. It's about him...his unsealed pain, fears, addiction, etc. it is likely he is doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.

    and, yes, in a difficult child's eyes, a grandmother who has ignored him all his life, who flashed part of her breasts at him when he was 13, who was so drunk she urinated all over herself in public with him when he was 12, etc....can now look terrific.

    *i made a therapy appointment for Monday morning.
  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my AG,
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this.

    I am reminded of when I was around 17 and just met my bio dad after my mom and he had divorced when I was two and she raised me alone never knowing him until then. I don't even remember why I was so angry at my mother but I threatend to go and LIVE with my bio dad after I met him...she felt that same betrayal. I stayed with him a week...He told me to forget the past...I told him I LIVED THE PAST YOU WANT TO FORGET. I'll never forget that...He still didn't know how to love and care for me after all those years, many in pain, from wanting my dad so desperately in my life.

    I think your son is likely to find out the same...that there is a VERY good reason you left bio dad and took care of your son on your own.

    Oh goodness...finding things out the hard way.

    Please take really good care of yourself. I'm pleased to hear you have a therapy appment for Monday. I hope you are able to get all of this out of your system and get some positive feedback.

    Stay safe and keep us updated!
    With love and care,