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General Parenting
In the end it is still.....
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 55302" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Yes, it is... even when it isn't. Sending you a massively huge and gentle hug my friend.</p><p></p><p>You have been at this far too long to put up with- a 45-min lecture. therapist has lost his/her mind. There's a limit to what a visit will accomplish, the message it will convey to wm (or that he will be able to interpret), the therapeutic use, or even it's effectiveness, really, at keeping the family "united". I know that of course you and husband are going to continue to visit, will continue to be a constant, but... it cannot replace in wm's mind living at home and it will never be enough. As in your other post, with you and husband struggling on how to not *have* to be Disneyland parents during visits... there are some very real and very difficult obstacles to even touching a sense of normalcy with a visit when your kid doesn't live at home, hasn't for a while, and won't for who knows how long. Visits are *not* going to change his blame game nor will it realistically change his behavior. You know this. therapist *should*. It's all smoke and mirrors and deflection and misdirection. Wm will change if and when he's ready to, and not a second before. therapist is doing a huge misservice to wm (to say nothing of you and husband) by buying into this crock. In my very strongly opinionated opinion.</p><p></p><p>Wm needs to work on acceptance? I don't know... you'd have thought he'd have figured it out by now. How many times have you all discussed that his behavior dictates his placement, his quality of life, yada yada yada? Again just my opinion, what Wm *really* needs to work on is accountability and responsibility for his choices. Acceptance is fluid because the situation has the potential to change in terms of placement, according to Wm's choices. At some point, the adults in his life, besides you and husband, need to buck up and get tough with- him. He's whining at day treatment because day treatment is permitting it. It's time for people to start asking him what *he* is going to do to improve his lot in life. He is not powerless in this; in fact, he has a *huge* amount of power. </p><p></p><p>Ditto for kt and her desires for a visit, though with- a gentler hand. The last visit, if I recall correctly, triggered a pretty impressive episode for her. She needs to get stronger and healthier.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry, Linda, this stuff is getting dumped at your and husband's feet. Perhaps it's something along the lines of the kids aren't responding, so let's hit the parents because they will. Not intentionally or consciously, but... path of lesser resistence?</p><p></p><p>I hope you're eating sinful amounts of ice cream with- all kinds of topping, having finished 18 holes and several concertos. Again, many gentle hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 55302, member: 8"] Yes, it is... even when it isn't. Sending you a massively huge and gentle hug my friend. You have been at this far too long to put up with- a 45-min lecture. therapist has lost his/her mind. There's a limit to what a visit will accomplish, the message it will convey to wm (or that he will be able to interpret), the therapeutic use, or even it's effectiveness, really, at keeping the family "united". I know that of course you and husband are going to continue to visit, will continue to be a constant, but... it cannot replace in wm's mind living at home and it will never be enough. As in your other post, with you and husband struggling on how to not *have* to be Disneyland parents during visits... there are some very real and very difficult obstacles to even touching a sense of normalcy with a visit when your kid doesn't live at home, hasn't for a while, and won't for who knows how long. Visits are *not* going to change his blame game nor will it realistically change his behavior. You know this. therapist *should*. It's all smoke and mirrors and deflection and misdirection. Wm will change if and when he's ready to, and not a second before. therapist is doing a huge misservice to wm (to say nothing of you and husband) by buying into this crock. In my very strongly opinionated opinion. Wm needs to work on acceptance? I don't know... you'd have thought he'd have figured it out by now. How many times have you all discussed that his behavior dictates his placement, his quality of life, yada yada yada? Again just my opinion, what Wm *really* needs to work on is accountability and responsibility for his choices. Acceptance is fluid because the situation has the potential to change in terms of placement, according to Wm's choices. At some point, the adults in his life, besides you and husband, need to buck up and get tough with- him. He's whining at day treatment because day treatment is permitting it. It's time for people to start asking him what *he* is going to do to improve his lot in life. He is not powerless in this; in fact, he has a *huge* amount of power. Ditto for kt and her desires for a visit, though with- a gentler hand. The last visit, if I recall correctly, triggered a pretty impressive episode for her. She needs to get stronger and healthier. I'm so sorry, Linda, this stuff is getting dumped at your and husband's feet. Perhaps it's something along the lines of the kids aren't responding, so let's hit the parents because they will. Not intentionally or consciously, but... path of lesser resistence? I hope you're eating sinful amounts of ice cream with- all kinds of topping, having finished 18 holes and several concertos. Again, many gentle hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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