inappropiate phone call.

[crazymama30]

difficult child had a friend over yesterday playing tether ball outside. Apparently difficult child won, and friend started swearing at difficult child, so difficult child swore back and friend left. That was late morning. Then in the afternoon difficult child called friends house, and no one answered, so he left a message. Calling friend a m***** f***** and demanding he answer phone. Friends mom called worried because whenever difficult child is over there apparently he is always "respectful" and a good kid (aliens steal him once in a while). husband spoke with parent (I was at work) and difficult child is grounded. I don't know what to do about this friendship. This type of thing, the arguing and fighting, happen often. Is this normal? It just seems wrong to me, but what do I know. I hate to tell difficult child that he can't be friends with the boy as this is the only kid in the neighbor hoood who plays with difficult child. At the same time, I do not think this boy has a good home life, and I do not know what goes on there. They play over here, and difficult child only rarely plays over there. I am at a loss. I do not know what to do about this friendship. Do all kids argue with their friends this way? Is it a boy thing, cuz I do not remember doing this.

 

[meowbunny]

Sounds pretty typical to me except the language sounds a bit extreme. Kids fight. They disagree about rules to games; who won; if they won fairly; if the grass is too even; if the grass is uneven; and anything else their little hearts can come up with. The good thing is they usually make up. The trick is to teach them to fight fairly -- no name calling, hitting, throwing. Don't try to hurt each other's feelings. Make up as soon as you can.

Grounding your son for cursing over the phone is definitely a reasonable consequence. No matter how angry one gets, one needs to learn there are better ways to handle it than cursing. To call well after a fight is over and leave a message like he did is cause for concern -- carrying a grudge is human but that doesn't mean it is right. He needs to learn this.

If you have doubts that the boys are well supervised at the other boy's home, try to have them play at your home more. Try to become friendly with the other mom, find out what they do over there.

 

[Loving Abbey 2]

I agree that it is common that kids fight and then make up. The swearing is not okay though. And I would let them both know it. I'm sorry but if a child is playing at my house with difficult child then they have to follow the basic rules such as no hitting, no swearing and respecting the house and items inside. And I am not afraid to say if you can't follow these rules then you won't be able to play anymore. Maybe it makes me a you-know-what, but it does keep those behaviors from happening at least at my house.

Good Luck..

 

[witzend]

You know, I think that the most valuable lesson that he can learn from this is that recordings and writings (like PMs and IMs and e-mails) are there forever. When you say something rotten, it's easier to apologize because the words don't hang in the air forever to be re-read or listened to for years by anyone who wants to (or has to) listen.

Of course he shouldn't say these things either, but writing or recording them is really a very unwise thing to do to yourself.

 

[TerryJ2]

My son used to do a lot more of that but luckily, has matured out of most of it, and learned to use words --um, not swearwords --and walk away. Usually they make up within a week. I would do something about the swearing. Sometimes I have had my son write "I am sorry for swearing" 10X on a piece of paper (it helps improve his penmanship, too) and sometime I used liquid soap on his lips, but now that he's my size I can't do a lot of physical things any more.
Also, when he watches a TV show and I hear a lot of "bleeps" I make him turn it off, even if he can't hear that they're saying, just for the principle of it.
Good luck.

 

[crazymama30]

Thanks for the advice, and guess what? They already made up at school today. Kids.

 

[Marguerite]

I'm glad they made up. But this IS typical. And even that level of language - sorry, it is typical of kids these days. Doesn't make it right, though. I endorse the grounding, for leaving that message with the swearing. Not acceptable and a valuable lesson.

The natural consequences of this SHOULD be that people won't want to invite over a boy who leaves swear words like that on their phone. What if the boy's elderly grandmother checked the messages? Clearly, his mother was the one who got the message, not the boy who difficult child was swearing at. Not good. It is as bad as if difficult child said that to her face. He needs to know this and perhaps write a letter of apology to his friend's mother, perhaps as an alternative to the grounding. (hey, if you can swing it so it's as well as the grounding - good for you!)

Marg