Increase in teen moms?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, Sep 10, 2008.

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  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Has anyone else noticed the increase of very young teens that are having babies or is it just in my city? Never before have there been so many teen pregnancies and most of them are keeping their babies. I see them walking the mall with their friends, on their myspace pages, in the grocery stores, at the park. In our high school my difficult child knows of at least five girls who are either pregnant or have delivered babies recently.

    I have very strong feelings about this, mainly because I know many of the girls involved and not one of them is responsible enough to take care of a child.

    I've scheduled an appointment for next week to put my difficult child on birth control. I just can't deny it any longer and I will not raise a baby for a difficult child that can't even take care of herself. Sadly my difficult child should probably never have children so she does not pass on the genetic material that was passed to her. I am holding my breath until her appointment and hope it isn't already too late.

  2. Penta

    Penta New Member

    Yaz or Yasmin are good birth control as it also manages mood swings. It has made a world of difference in my girl. She has been on it since age 16 and the change in her moods is remarkable.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have seen an increase in very young mothers, though I don't know any of hte girls (these just don't seem old enough to be women, sadly). I can't say anything about their maturity, but I can say that it is almost a status thing.

    That scares me. Babies as status symbols for teens.ick. heck, I thought I was a young mom at 22! I cannot imagine what is going on to make young girls think that having a baby is a good idea. I have heard groups of girls talking about it at a number of places around town. It was esp startling at the county fair last weekend to see entire groups of young men and women in their teens with 5-6 babies in a group of 20 or so kids.

    What are they thinking?

    One of the older sibs of Jessie's friends is 18 and preg with her THIRD child. The young mom, her kids, her 3 siblings (including Jessie's friend) all share a 3 bedroom house. Mom told me she moved to the couch when her daughter had her 3rd child.

    I do not even want to THINK about my parents' reaction to my third pregnancy had I only been in my teens!

    The 13yo daughter is talking at school about how she would like to have a child when she gets her driver's license. yes, by the time she gets her driver's license she would like to have a child!!!

    I was hoping I was the only one who thought this was increasing.

    I hope that your daughter is able to tolerate whatever method of birth control the doctor suggests, and that she is responsible with it.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Current policies of "Abstinence Education" sure doesn't work for anyone who doesn't care to abstain. I applaud your decision to help your daughter make a very wise decision. An educated person makes educated decisions. Pretending people don't get pregnant if they have enough control to abstain when they're 15 years old is absurd!

    Are you kidding? My dad didn't want to talk to me for months when I was 25 years old and married and pregnant because he could figure for himself that I was about 4 weeks along when we got married. That's the other extreme, I know...
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2008
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Witz, No, I wasn't kidding. The 18yo teen mom not only is having her 3rd child, she doesn't work (she would lose her benefits, or so her mom says) and isn't in school! I was floored!
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well isn't grandma setting a fine example...
  7. It really is ridiculous. easy child knows a girl who is 16 and pregnant. She is actually bragging about it. easy child hasn't talked to this girl in forever because they grew apart, but we ran into her mom at Starbucks one day and she asked easy child if she had talked to C lately, that she had news. It's really sad.

    I really use all of these opportunities to talk to easy child about it. easy child likes the new show "The Secret Life of an American Teenager" the girl in there is pregnant. I repeatedly talk to easy child about the problems with teens having children.
  8. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    Geez, it's parents like that that make parents like me afraid to even speak up about my daughter. I don't want someone thinking that way of me...just because there are so many of her "type" out there.

    In our case, we had every possible rule in place (and enforced.) I had had several talks with difficult child 1 about respecting herself, etc. She was on such a short leash - never allowed to go anywhere unless I spoke to the other parent first. You name it, I put every conceivable road block in front of difficult child 1 - specifically to prevent the exact situation we're facing now. I just knew that between her difficult child thinking and the loss of her dad - I just knew something like this was going to happen. She'd latch on to the first guy who made her feel "loved" because of the void left by her father. I was so afraid of her making poor choices if I didn't keep her boundaries tight.

    But still, she found her ways. (She was sneaking out through her window in the middle of the night to go meet her boyfriend out back in our shed at 2 or 3 in the morning...all kinds of crazy stuff...RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE!!!)

    What scares the beejeebers out of me is how many of her friends think it's "cool" that she's having a baby. :faint:

    No, it's not cool. It's not a good thing. All she's done is made the road ahead of herself so much harder than it had to be.

    Luckily though, I think she's starting to realize that. The closer she gets to her due date, the more petrified she gets. She made the comment the other day that the more she reads and learns about delivery, recovery, newborns, etc., the more she realizes she doesn't know enough yet. I told her that was normal mom-to-be thinking and to count herself lucky - she has someone already at home who can help teach her what she doesn't know (all those things the baby books never prepared us for when we all were mom for the first time.)

    It's an odd thing, really. The one thing I feared most seems to be the one thing helping to bridge that gap between us that has grown by leaps and bounds over the last few years. Suddenly I'm not the devil incarnate anymore. Now she wants to have me in the delivery room with her. Now she's asking my advice on whether or not to breastfeed, to use cloth or disposable diapers, whether or not she'll really need this gadget or that one, etc. She's asking for my help with her online classes, talking to me about her college plans, etc.

    She's by no means a success story yet...but I have a glimmer of hope that someday she might be. (And I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief that something has finally started to click in that stubborn brain of hers!)

    Still, even with our situation, even though I have very little room to talk in terms of teen pregnancy...I just can't imagine an 18 year old on her 3rd child and grandma being with it...with her having more...with her not working...with her just....ugh!

    I don't understand it. I still haven't gotten to the point where I don't feel like I have to hang my head in shame when people realize my 16 year old daughter is about to be a mom. I can't imagine her having 2 more in the next two years. I'm almost ready to padlock the doors and windows at night as it is!! Yikes!
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hex, you so didn't contribute to your daughter's choices in this.

    This gave me a chuckle. Wait until she finds out that labor and delivery and recovery are the easy part! No parties, no proms, no crushes, no college... She's a grown up now, one way or another...
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hex you did everything you could. I did too. I am praying I get her on bc before it's too late. No matter how diligent we are as parents they find ways. No matter how much we talk or teach or preach, it happens anyway. Sadly abstinence only does not work with many of our kids, as much as we would like to think so.

    Your daughter will have to grow up in a hurry. But you should not hang your head in shame.

  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My niece who is easy child's age was date raped at 15 yrs old - the boy got a slap on the hand - no punishment. Her daughter is now 3 years old. My sister is helping raise her granddaughter. Niece just moved out of the home to get an apartment in a bigger city to go to school. Baby went with. She seems to be doing well (18 yrs old now).

    easy child's friend who is one day younger than her had a baby last year at age 17 yrs (easy child's goddaughter). The mom knew her daughter was sleeping with this older teen but didn't do anything about it. This went on since the girl was 15 years old. The baby's parents live together now. Dad went to vocational training to get a mechanical job and mom is going to college now (easy child babysits while her friend is at school). I am impressed that these two kids did continue their education and has plans for the future. They are doing well.

    Another of easy child's friends (about 20 yrs old) had a baby who is almost one year old. I encourage easy child to stay away from the baby and parents. The parents were suppose to marry until the girl got pregnant and kicked the guy out (she pays for his apt though!). They are now playing at loving couple who live at two different houses. They feed the child sugar with all her food to make it taste good. The mom works a graveyard shift and will wake the baby up to have "quality" time with her. I have a feeling that some day someone with real evidence may call CPS on them and if easy child is anywhere near her "friends" will find a way to make her the scape goat.

    easy child is awesome with kids. She helps her godchild's mom a lot. I am so glad she got to be a god parent for this child.

    Kids don't realize how hard it is to be a parent. They only see these lovely happy babies. Sometimes if you show them, they will deny that it would be that way for them, "My child will be happy and easy."

    There was a school near where I grew up that was known for their teen pregnancies (that was also the school niece was at!) and I don't know anyone in the school I grew up in that was pregnant.
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Nancy, the school kt attends has a daycare onsite for those teen moms, hoping they will finish high school. We see a great many of these children becoming moms. The treat these babies like accessories - a fashion statement. It's a sad state.

    kt is on birth control & has been for a couple of years now given her hx in the bio home. kt has wanted to become a mom at the age of 16 almost from the day she was placed in our home.

    Babies taking care of babies. I told kt that I was not going to parent her child if she became pregnant. I told her that I hopes that she finishes her education & gets a good job (& a husband) before she has a baby. For kt, it isn't about the boy, it's about being a "good mom".
  13. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    My difficult child 1 is 20 and will have her baby in November. This is her 3rd or 4th pregnancy--she miscarried the other times. She seemed bound and determined to have a baby, I don't know why. It made not an iota of difference all the education, the talks we had, etc. She had been on birth control since the age of 15 or 16 but obviously wasn't using it once she left home. I guess she will find out how difficult it is to raise a child--she has never in her life been able to learn without doing it the hardest way she can think of. She does not learn from others' mistakes or from therapy or education. The only way she learns is by experience and even then she doesn't seem to learn!
  14. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    In my family I grew up in, people, both guys and girls became pregnant quite early as a matter of routine. My own mom was 15 when I was born, 17 when my bro was born and she had 3 more children thru the years who were very planned and my youngest brother is 28 years younger than me. I was 30 and my husband was 40 before we had our first child. I have several cousins who had children at 13, 14, 15. One had 6 kids by 18. Some finished school, some didn't. Some went on to college, some didn't. 3 of my cousins who beacame parents so very young managed to reach amazing goals and lives, one is owner of an international fortune 500 company.
    Im not sure why people do not remember birth control CAN fail. Even "double protection" can fail. Even professional highly educated high power career women have unplanned pregnancies. and even high power career women can be crummy mothers. I have seen some of the most abhorrant parenting from people of a supposedly more mature age who are supposedly oh so mature, oh so financially secure.
    The world is and has always been full of people born who were not planned. The act by which preg comes from is commonly quite pleasant, it feels good to most people most of the time, so people are inclined to engage.
    My easy child is 18 and preg. My easy child. Not my difficult child. Her boyfriend has been in her life well over 2.5 years. He is standing beside her. The ONLY reason easy child is not at the university she had originally registered at right this second and is instead at community college is becuz of how extremely ill she has been with this preg. Being pregnant or haveing a child does not preclude college. She has her same job she has always had. Being pregnant or haveing a baby does not prevent people from working most of the time. Things happen. Birth control fails. Relationahsips break up, even long term marriages can fall apart. Financial disaster can strike at any time. My easy child knows haveing a baby is not easy. My easy child and difficult child, nearly every single one of both their peers is already a parent. Even married persons even ones who have a solid financial ground need help from parents in life. Maybe for occasional childcare, maybe for more constant childcare help, maybe for money, maybe for moral support, people who do not have a lot of "family" usually need lots of help from outside family. "it takes a village to raise a child"

    Yes, my teen daughter is pregnant. She is also high honors student, she is unmarried. (her choice for now, her boyfriend offered to marry, they were engaged before the baby) She attends college, does great, she works....and yes I am here standing beside her. Her baby is NOT unwanted, it is not unwelcome, and our whole family is EXCITED and all of us, her siblings included are very willing to help her.I have discussed with my child, this is her life and her way will have her doing her finishing touches on growing up with a baby in tow....not that she will fully ever understand entirely just how different it could have been to do her final growing up without a baby in tow.becuz she did not grow up with that as her own last childhood years.....
    Yes, I was 30 for my first, and supposedly financially secure and in a solid marriage....and then my husband got devastatngly ill........and at 40 I began nurseing school- WITH 3 kids, 2 with special needs and a very ill husband and NO outside family support in any way shape or form. <shrug> what made MY way all so much different than a teen moms way? Worse, I did not have the energy that a young teen might have.
    My teen has more flexibility at her age than I had. More energy. A more open mind.

    Looking back? My mother was a far far better parent to me and my brother than she ever was for her other 3 children she had when she was much older and more financially secure.
    NO matter what age or financial situation or marital status, I think most mothers can benefit from the moral support of their own mother. And for many many women, becoming a mother adds those last touches to their growth.
    I do NOT hang MY head in shame and I do not want my easy child to feel she should hang her head in shame. I am here, I will be here beside her and I will help guide her to being the best mother she can be. and in the process, I get the benefit of a new child to treasure and adore. I feel very very very blessed. Life is short, there are no guarantees, my children did not get the gift of time with grandparents, becuz their grandparents all died so young, and my kids were young. I also had no grandparents, and neither did husband. Babies are miracles and gifts.
    Yeah going to the ob gynes office every week IS like being at HS reunion .......but you know? ALL those teen mommy friends of my kids are taking their babies in to the doctor, and to the store and to the park........and they are walking them all over town in strollers etc, too. ANd they bring their babies here to visit, and I get to play with them...and those babies are clean, well fed and happy little babies. ANd these very very young mommies AND DADDIES seem to be doing a very good job! Yes, the daddies are VERY active parents, too.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child is "active" with his 18 year old girlfriend. He uses protection but
    she does not want to take bc because "it will make her gain weight".

    HUH? BC doesn't result in the weight gain that a pregnancy causes! :(

    Penta, I thought Yaz was for people who had given birth least I believe that is what the ad on television said. Am I wrong?

    by the way, Penta, I thought of you when your hometown was under seige a couple of weeks ago. Long time no see, my friend. DDD
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oral contraceptives is not an option, difficult child is not medication compliant and I can't take the risk. I'm thinking of an IUD or the depo shot.

    Any suggestions?

  17. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    shot---or patch---maybe that can be her badge of honor!!!
  18. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Being a child of a teen Mom (she had me just after her 17th birthday), I remember how determined I was NOT to have children that young. I saw what it cost her and did not want to repeat what she did. She agreed.

    In one of daughter's classes, there are three Moms. One has two children. Two are married. There is even a couple of boys that are married. Because I live in an area where there is a high poverty rate, it's very common to see teenagers pregnant. Daughter and I talk about it almost daily. She laments not having a boyfriend, but secretly (I would never tell her, she would flip) I know it's really for the best.

    I just feel so sad. It makes everything so much tougher. The majority of people living in poverty are single moms.
  19. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am also the product of teenage parents. I know for a fact that it ruined my parents lives. They had all the support in the world, but couldn't make it work.

    I think that often teens think that having a child will make them "grow" up. They want so as a young teen to have some control over their lives and since society has restricted the age for drivers licenses, drinking alcohol, making choices about school, they have to find something---and that thing is having a child.

    I had my oldest at 19. It was tough. I was not the parent I should have been or could have been because I was too immature. I did well by him. He is a great man. But...I was not a great mom those first few years. If he had been difficult child/ niether he or I would have made it.

    Having him at almost 20 made things tough. I went to college. I worked full time at a shoe store. I went without books for class and used the library. I went without food so that I could pay daycare and he could eat. My family supported me emotionally but except for college tuition, I was on my own. I never let them know how bad things really were. I had been raised on the saying---You make your bed hard, you lie in it.

    I was mature at 19. Because of my parents, I had been the grownup in my nuclear family since I was quite young. But, I still had difficulty with being a mom so young.

    I teach in a large, southern town. My hs has a population of a little of 1100. I have seen the pregnancy rate triple in the past three years. I have seen these girls parade their children around like fashion accessories. Their focus is on dressing them cute and making them into little clones of modern teens.

    They have no hopes and dreams beyond tomorrow. When they were young they were taught that they could be anything they wanted, but the adults in their lives have forgotten to tell them how much hard work it would take. They get to high school, realize they are, because of academic choices, stuck, and they give up on whatever dreams they may have had. The American education system doesn't allow for catch up.
    And so, they graduate, many go on to take menial jobs and live off the govt.

    Some will make it, but the struggle they will go through is one that will change them forever. They will miss out on who they could have been, had they abstained or used birth control (correctly). And to me that is the saddest result of all of this. They will never be who they thought they would be.
  20. Momslittleangels

    Momslittleangels New Member

    Nancy: I believe that the IUD is usually given to women who have already had at least one child. That was in the old days, LOL, so things may have changed. The shots are probably best, since she COULD remove the patch, if she was so inclined.
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