In my family I grew up in, people, both guys and girls became pregnant quite early as a matter of routine. My own mom was 15 when I was born, 17 when my bro was born and she had 3 more children thru the years who were very planned and my youngest brother is 28 years younger than me. I was 30 and my husband was 40 before we had our first child. I have several cousins who had children at 13, 14, 15. One had 6 kids by 18. Some finished school, some didn't. Some went on to college, some didn't. 3 of my cousins who beacame parents so very young managed to reach amazing goals and lives, one is owner of an international fortune 500 company.
Im not sure why people do not remember birth control CAN fail. Even "double protection" can fail. Even professional highly educated high power career women have unplanned pregnancies. and even high power career women can be crummy mothers. I have seen some of the most abhorrant parenting from people of a supposedly more mature age who are supposedly oh so mature, oh so financially secure.
The world is and has always been full of people born who were not planned. The act by which preg comes from is commonly quite pleasant, it feels good to most people most of the time, so people are inclined to engage.
My easy child is 18 and preg. My easy child. Not my difficult child. Her boyfriend has been in her life well over 2.5 years. He is standing beside her. The ONLY reason easy child is not at the university she had originally registered at right this second and is instead at community college is becuz of how extremely ill she has been with this preg. Being pregnant or haveing a child does not preclude college. She has her same job she has always had. Being pregnant or haveing a baby does not prevent people from working most of the time. Things happen. Birth control fails. Relationahsips break up, even long term marriages can fall apart. Financial disaster can strike at any time. My easy child knows haveing a baby is not easy. My easy child and difficult child, nearly every single one of both their peers is already a parent. Even married persons even ones who have a solid financial ground need help from parents in life. Maybe for occasional childcare, maybe for more constant childcare help, maybe for money, maybe for moral support, people who do not have a lot of "family" usually need lots of help from outside family. "it takes a village to raise a child"
Yes, my teen daughter is pregnant. She is also high honors student, she is unmarried. (her choice for now, her boyfriend offered to marry, they were engaged before the baby) She attends college, does great, she works....and yes I am here standing beside her. Her baby is NOT unwanted, it is not unwelcome, and our whole family is EXCITED and all of us, her siblings included are very willing to help her.I have discussed with my child, this is her life and her way will have her doing her finishing touches on growing up with a baby in tow....not that she will fully ever understand entirely just how different it could have been to do her final growing up without a baby in tow.becuz she did not grow up with that as her own last childhood years.....
Yes, I was 30 for my first, and supposedly financially secure and in a solid marriage....and then my husband got devastatngly ill........and at 40 I began nurseing school- WITH 3 kids, 2 with special needs and a very ill husband and NO outside family support in any way shape or form. <shrug> what made MY way all so much different than a teen moms way? Worse, I did not have the energy that a young teen might have.
My teen has more flexibility at her age than I had. More energy. A more open mind.
Looking back? My mother was a far far better parent to me and my brother than she ever was for her other 3 children she had when she was much older and more financially secure.
NO matter what age or financial situation or marital status, I think most mothers can benefit from the moral support of their own mother. And for many many women, becoming a mother adds those last touches to their growth.
I do NOT hang MY head in shame and I do not want my easy child to feel she should hang her head in shame. I am here, I will be here beside her and I will help guide her to being the best mother she can be. and in the process, I get the benefit of a new child to treasure and adore. I feel very very very blessed. Life is short, there are no guarantees, my children did not get the gift of time with grandparents, becuz their grandparents all died so young, and my kids were young. I also had no grandparents, and neither did husband. Babies are miracles and gifts.
Yeah going to the ob gynes office every week IS like being at HS reunion .......but you know? ALL those teen mommy friends of my kids are taking their babies in to the doctor, and to the store and to the park........and they are walking them all over town in strollers etc, too. ANd they bring their babies here to visit, and I get to play with them...and those babies are clean, well fed and happy little babies. ANd these very very young mommies AND DADDIES seem to be doing a very good job! Yes, the daddies are VERY active parents, too.
