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Infectious Madness by Harriet Washington
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669947" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It is about vantage point and choice.</p><p></p><p>There is always a place from which we can see differently. Viktor Frankl in the camps would see in his mind's eye a picture of his wife, and he would feel transported. In those moments he was free and untouched by evil.</p><p></p><p>Of his parents and his wife, only he survived. His wife may have, at that moment, been dead but he chose to see her. And for him, she lived. True or false, real or imagined, does not matter. But only the personal choice to triumph over circumstances, and oneself.</p><p>And if it is another person, Cedar? Like a therapist. Or in your own case, you, with your sister. When you see her in her loonyness directing her grandchildren to display their precociousness to feel power herself.</p><p></p><p>Or is it ourselves? Are we the one's who see? When I see myself chatting up the sales clerks, gleefully manipulating, to bring them a moment's pleasure or to myself, a moment of mastery, the sense that I can have some effect, when I leave my bed. That I still"work" as a person.</p><p></p><p>I do not see this. I do not believe that the reality comes from knowing or seeing...at least by mortals. Every body distorts.</p><p>This I believe. This I can understand.</p><p></p><p>The most powerful part of the sentence are the words that are left unspoken.</p><p></p><p>The most powerful person in the family is the one not there. Perhaps banished or shunned.</p><p></p><p>Words and images that are there...are but guideposts to reveal what is not.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of D H here. Who says NO just because.</p><p></p><p>Remember our "friend" Nono, who asked that I hold a golden necklace seemingly worth thousands and give him a loan for a nominal value of one thousand dollars.</p><p></p><p>And M wanted me to because he was our friend. Nono had asked M who then, in front of him, asked me. The expectation had been I would do the polite and generous thing, say yes.</p><p></p><p>I said, I needed to think about it and talk to M.</p><p></p><p>I told M, "No." If you want to loan him the money, sell your truck, and give it to him.</p><p></p><p>I told M: I am not responsible for the lifestyle and life choices of Nono. (His wife works and gets to keep all of her money for her perks. He buys expensive consumer goods for all.)</p><p></p><p>I do not want to be a pawn shop or a bank.</p><p></p><p>So M told him no.</p><p></p><p>And this "friend" of 5 or more years will not answer the phone to M.</p><p></p><p>Saying No revealed the truth behind all of the other words.</p><p></p><p>I told M: Nono has every right to reject me. But to reject you, who has little and no control over me. You did not deserve this. It is unforgivable.</p><p></p><p>And M? He says everybody acts from who they are and choose to be. M does not judge. The understanding of Nono was that it was correct to ask for the loan. For M Nono has as a right to hold his own beliefs about things.</p><p></p><p>M says, I do not need him. He is not in my family. But I will not again go to look for him. If I see him. If he comes here. Fine. I will not reach out for him again.</p><p></p><p>M does not take things personally. He lets people be who they are without taking it personally. Nobody is right or wrong. Just different. He is only in charge of himself. Nobody else. He accepts that right off the bat.</p><p></p><p>From this way of being there is less shame. Less guilt. Less judgment. Me? I judge. In the case of Nono. I just feel mad. We have always paid him well for any work he has done for us. We offered for him to stay here without cost when he separated from his wife. He did. I judge. </p><p></p><p>Maybe Nono feels shame. But why reject M?</p><p></p><p>I somehow veered off topic. But somehow it feels like it relates.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669947, member: 18958"] It is about vantage point and choice. There is always a place from which we can see differently. Viktor Frankl in the camps would see in his mind's eye a picture of his wife, and he would feel transported. In those moments he was free and untouched by evil. Of his parents and his wife, only he survived. His wife may have, at that moment, been dead but he chose to see her. And for him, she lived. True or false, real or imagined, does not matter. But only the personal choice to triumph over circumstances, and oneself. And if it is another person, Cedar? Like a therapist. Or in your own case, you, with your sister. When you see her in her loonyness directing her grandchildren to display their precociousness to feel power herself. Or is it ourselves? Are we the one's who see? When I see myself chatting up the sales clerks, gleefully manipulating, to bring them a moment's pleasure or to myself, a moment of mastery, the sense that I can have some effect, when I leave my bed. That I still"work" as a person. I do not see this. I do not believe that the reality comes from knowing or seeing...at least by mortals. Every body distorts. This I believe. This I can understand. The most powerful part of the sentence are the words that are left unspoken. The most powerful person in the family is the one not there. Perhaps banished or shunned. Words and images that are there...are but guideposts to reveal what is not. I am thinking of D H here. Who says NO just because. Remember our "friend" Nono, who asked that I hold a golden necklace seemingly worth thousands and give him a loan for a nominal value of one thousand dollars. And M wanted me to because he was our friend. Nono had asked M who then, in front of him, asked me. The expectation had been I would do the polite and generous thing, say yes. I said, I needed to think about it and talk to M. I told M, "No." If you want to loan him the money, sell your truck, and give it to him. I told M: I am not responsible for the lifestyle and life choices of Nono. (His wife works and gets to keep all of her money for her perks. He buys expensive consumer goods for all.) I do not want to be a pawn shop or a bank. So M told him no. And this "friend" of 5 or more years will not answer the phone to M. Saying No revealed the truth behind all of the other words. I told M: Nono has every right to reject me. But to reject you, who has little and no control over me. You did not deserve this. It is unforgivable. And M? He says everybody acts from who they are and choose to be. M does not judge. The understanding of Nono was that it was correct to ask for the loan. For M Nono has as a right to hold his own beliefs about things. M says, I do not need him. He is not in my family. But I will not again go to look for him. If I see him. If he comes here. Fine. I will not reach out for him again. M does not take things personally. He lets people be who they are without taking it personally. Nobody is right or wrong. Just different. He is only in charge of himself. Nobody else. He accepts that right off the bat. From this way of being there is less shame. Less guilt. Less judgment. Me? I judge. In the case of Nono. I just feel mad. We have always paid him well for any work he has done for us. We offered for him to stay here without cost when he separated from his wife. He did. I judge. Maybe Nono feels shame. But why reject M? I somehow veered off topic. But somehow it feels like it relates. COPA [/QUOTE]
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