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Infectious Madness by Harriet Washington
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 670477" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I have been present during the deaths of parents, and have seen one family especially, and maybe two ~ maybe, three ~ who were beautifully functional, Leafy. It wasn't that they were perfect, or that they were not stressed out and crying and tired...but there was a flexibility, a kind of willingness to catch and hold but not smother or disrespect or judge. There would be sadness but there would be discussion of memories and joy and strength that was palpable, in those families.</p><p></p><p>Sort of an acceptance of pain and of endings and an assurance that while it would never be the same, it would be alright.</p><p></p><p>They were memorable families; very, very much so, for the family first mentioned. I was only with them for a little time, but I have never forgotten the feel of that family.</p><p></p><p>Okay, and there is one more family too, but it was only a husband and a wife.</p><p></p><p>Just something about the way they felt, about the honesty and flexibility and willingness to be present without anger or shame or...they were very quiet, very present to their pain and to one another, those families.</p><p></p><p>But it wasn't only about the pain. It seemed almost to be about the completion.</p><p></p><p>I was fortunate, so fortunate, to have seen that.</p><p></p><p>Again, it has to do with role flexibility, and not role rigidity. Maybe, if we can finally recognize and choose vulnerability over the safety of our roles, that is what it is simply be present.</p><p></p><p>I think that is what I saw, in those families. Varying degrees of presence and sincerity. </p><p></p><p>I saw one family where the father had been a terrible man. He was in his final illness, and his daughter had elected to see him through it. It was the same feeling, there. So it isn't about perfect, so much as it is about sincerity and about seeing what is for what it is and doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what it is, really. It has to do with flexibility and...I don't know. A feeling of generosity of spirit, maybe.</p><p></p><p>Interesting discussion, Leafy. I hadn't thought about those families for the longest time. </p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 670477, member: 17461"] I have been present during the deaths of parents, and have seen one family especially, and maybe two ~ maybe, three ~ who were beautifully functional, Leafy. It wasn't that they were perfect, or that they were not stressed out and crying and tired...but there was a flexibility, a kind of willingness to catch and hold but not smother or disrespect or judge. There would be sadness but there would be discussion of memories and joy and strength that was palpable, in those families. Sort of an acceptance of pain and of endings and an assurance that while it would never be the same, it would be alright. They were memorable families; very, very much so, for the family first mentioned. I was only with them for a little time, but I have never forgotten the feel of that family. Okay, and there is one more family too, but it was only a husband and a wife. Just something about the way they felt, about the honesty and flexibility and willingness to be present without anger or shame or...they were very quiet, very present to their pain and to one another, those families. But it wasn't only about the pain. It seemed almost to be about the completion. I was fortunate, so fortunate, to have seen that. Again, it has to do with role flexibility, and not role rigidity. Maybe, if we can finally recognize and choose vulnerability over the safety of our roles, that is what it is simply be present. I think that is what I saw, in those families. Varying degrees of presence and sincerity. I saw one family where the father had been a terrible man. He was in his final illness, and his daughter had elected to see him through it. It was the same feeling, there. So it isn't about perfect, so much as it is about sincerity and about seeing what is for what it is and doing the right thing. I don't know what it is, really. It has to do with flexibility and...I don't know. A feeling of generosity of spirit, maybe. Interesting discussion, Leafy. I hadn't thought about those families for the longest time. Thank you. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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