Info from a member of the county committee

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Our county case mgr spoke to her. There are no additional funds for services for Wee by going thru this committee. It is strictly for brainstorming with outside heads, and offering services from groups that one may not know about. Since we are already in over half of these organizations, and wouldn't likely be candidates for the others (child services, drug and alcohol abuse, etc) there's really nothing to be gained. The only service that we could get that we don't have is targeted case management, and we don't qualify because we aren't on Medicaid. They do accept private pay, but not insurance, but there is still a list 3 miles long, and folks on Medicaid get priority. We've been on the list for it for 3 years...but it boils down to, unless I get Wee on Medicaid, he'll never get that service - he'll never get high enough on the list. This committee can't change that, either.

    She said we could invite a rep from the next district's public school, and she speculates that this person would probably look at Wee's list of diagnosis'es and say "and what are you doing to address his bi-polar? His Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)? His sensory issues?" we might get some backing that the school needs to step up, but this board has no authority to even talk about alternative placement or real solutions.

    But her honest feeling was that this was a stall tactic on the part of the district or a desperate grasp at straws.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, and this committee can't meet without my consent. The school can't take it up on their own.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Shari, have you talked to a Special Education attny at all? I am concerned about all these different things you are hearing. Obviously I don't know how it works there, only here. But I wouldn't trust the people in your jurisdiction any moore than the ones in my old one. In my old one, they used an acronym for the team committee that included the parent. True- the parent had to consent and was always invited.

    They used a different acronym for the committee that the sd went to to ask for more resources when needed in order to fulfill legal educational requirements. the parent would not be a part of those meetings.

    What they never told people was that it was the same committee - with the same people, except for the parent. If the parent said "you can't have one of those meetings without my involvement", they'd respond "it wasn't that kind of meeting, it was this kind of meeting." Yep, but the only difference was that the parent wasn't there.

    I seriously doubt the your sd is going to stop until they get involvement from someone outside the sd. I say that because of already calling the police once or twice at his age.
  4. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    But her honest feeling was that this was a stall tactic on the part of the district or a desperate grasp at straws

    that sounds about right to me too.

    i don't blame you one bit for being skeptical.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    K, our case mgr talked to a person on that committee. This isn't info thats coming from the school in any way shape or form. It was that person that said it can't happen without my consent, because no one can release information to anyone else without my consent. Hippa. We've had our case manager for 5 years, and she's never steered us wrong.

    And they have not called the cops. Principal has threatened it, but they haven't done it. There is still no report at JO. And honestly I don't think there will be one...I think someone stopped that.

    That said, I'm sure the sd can jump thru some hoops to get outside agencies involved. I fully expect DFS to knock on my door at some point.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Shari - I also felt it was probably a stall/distraction maneuver.

    While I understand k's point, I think the problem your SD is going to have in pulling too many outside agencies in is that eventually there is going to be an agency that is going to call SD on their simply breathtaking failure over the past year and a half to educate Wee. There is way too much documentation from way too many sources of SD *not* doing their job. No, life in your home isn't always hearts and roses, but you are doing a simply fabulous job of managing Wee's behaviors - and SD is not (at least until recently).

    I honestly believe that SD is looking for that one person/agency who will lay the "blame" squarely at your feet - you're a bad parent, using bad techniques, causing all these behavioral problems (I think most of us have been through that in one form or another). That way, it's not SD's problem. While nothing is every guaranteed, I think even if CFS and juvie got involved, you of all people could have a pretty high comfort level that they're not going to come up with- any glaring problems in your home and management of Wee.

    Personally, I think SD should feel free to call the police as often as they want - there is not a chance in heck police are going to arrest your son in my humble opinion, and it highlights the utter incompetence of the SD. It's a risky proposition in terms of how traumatizing it could be for Wee, but... just based on my experience, I wouldn't sweat it a whole lot. thank you actually broke his teacher's arm at the age of 9 - a report was filed with- the police, but they never came out, never had any interaction with- him for that incident. Around here anyway, the combination of a Special Education student and severe mental illness (even into his teens) was pretty much a guarantee that no officer wanted to touch him with- a 10 foot pole when it came to criminal charges.

    We all bring our biases, based on our own experiences.

    Perhaps the best response to sped dir's request is that since what is being done right now seems to be working, let's not "fix" it.
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    We were posting at the same time. ;)

    I think you're wise to expect CFS/DFS/whatever you call them to be at your door someday. Some SDs keep that card in their arsenal of dirty tricks. Make sure you have documentation together, IEPs, medication reports, and phone #s of psychiatrist, therapist, advocates, and everyone else involved with Wee. It's definitely unnerving, but knowing you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and you've got a boatload of professionals backing you up... it should give you comfort that any report will be investigated and unfounded.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's one of the points I was trying to make last night- as far as it being the sd's own responsibility. Although I do think it would work more in your favor to go and show your documentation, that you are agreeable to discussion, and staying proactive. Do what you need to based on things there - I just would rather see you on the offensive instead of the defensive, if you can help it.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Slsh, that's what case mgr said, also. She said there's no way JO would get involved at this point, even if reports were filed. He's 8, sped, with an IEP. She said the sitting committee member would probably not even come from JO.

    Case mgr told this member that I have even gone above and beyond, going so far as to take Wee to a DevPed and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) in Oklahoma seeking services - getting testing that, by rights, the school should have provided. She said this committee member said they'd have nothing more to offer.

    I don't look forward to DFS/CPS involvement, but I think its inevitable. I think principal is low enough to go there. I won't like it, it will be a pain in the butt, but I also don't think they'll find anything "wrong" here. I have a lazy husband and a cluttered ancient house. So what?!?
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    K, if I agree to this, I will already be on the defensive, because it would be the school making the referral, and they would be the ones presenting the case to the committee.

    I'm not against it, but I think the sd has an ulterior motive in it...why else would it be beneficial to seek services from agencies that I am already getting services from...? Our case mgr is voluntary...I sought that service out 5 years ago, when Wee was first diagnosis'ed. We were turned down the first time, and I appealed. I don't know how much more proactive one can be in that arena.

    They also have signed releases to talk to ALL of these people. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. We've had a round-table with Wee's DevPed....guess who put that together and footed the bill...not them. But it was at their request. I took Wee to St Louis for a second opinion from a neuro there regarding possible breakthru seizures the SpEd and para saw in the spring of last year. At their request. I just don't think this is on the up and up...

    And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they didn't know about this service and truly thougt it was something new. But I'm not really thinking so...
  11. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Shari - a funny DCFS story for you if/when you go through it. I was in one of my rare house cleaning manic moods - we're talking pull all the carpets up, dust the baseboards, scrub the walls, move all the furniture. Once I get started, it's at least a day-long event, just for 1 room. So I get the living room *completely* torn apart and am scrubbing and vacuuming and doing my thing. Ring ring. :rofl: Yep, our friendly DCFS investigator, informing me he'd be here in 30 mins. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or head for the hills. He got here and I had managed to at least make a place for him to sit. I thought for sure we were toast. But I had my medication reports and phone numbers at the ready. He took all the info, talked to all the kids, was extremely nice about the whole thing. Told me on the way out that, assuming therapist/psychiatrist verified my info, the case would be unfounded. And it was.

    So if my completely decimated living room can pass muster, you got *nothing* to worry about. :whew:
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh...I have a lazy husband, a cluttered, ancient house, and a hyper, dirty dog that is the k9 version of wee...forgot to point him out.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sue, that's too funny. I'll keep that in mind when they come knocking! lol I'll have them call you!

    I guess I should also add that my eyebrows need waxed, Wee and I need haircuts, and the car is 1500 miles overdue for an oil change. And the dryer is still broken so I have to wash clothes on nice days.

    But, again...really? Epic parental failures?
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Those are the reasons I don't think you have to worry about them taking over your life. I think they would probably be upset with the sd in the long run, but I can't guarantee that of course.

    I'm just trying to play it out in my mind:

    Scenario 1: Shari goes with documentation and IEP in hand. They throw out services available. Shari explains what has been tried, what is being used currently, points out that of course she has sought these out as she finds them and thinks they might work, here is IEP that hasn't completely been followed by sd. So committee, is there anything else you have available that might help my son? If they have any question about homelife, let's say by a dss rep who doesn't know you from adam and just wants a brief description, give it and then offer to let them do a family assessment. (That isn't the same as a CPS investigation, that's a home visit without a walk-thru and it's no investigation, it's more of a social history of wee.)

    Also, under these circumstances, if they offer any service that you don't want you can refuse it.

    Scenario 2: Shari doesn't go, someday another agency is involved. What does sd say when all this comes to a head- whether thru due process or other agency involvement? "We were willing and tried to get more for him but she wasn't willing to go to committee to discuss available options". Then what?

    And no, I don't think they are going to put wee in juvie at his age. But he's going to be in that sd a long time, right?

    That's just my visualization and yes, solely based on the kind of koi I went thrur with my difficult child.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I hear ya, K. And believe me, your situation jumps out in my head every time something like this comes up.

    I haven't given them an answer yet, but I did respond to sped director and point out all the agencies we are already getting services from, and asked what she was expecting to gain from having this meeting that I might be missing, as his case mgr, docs, counselors, and I, thus far, have not found any merit in pursuing this avenue.

    I sent that around 9am. She has not yet replied.

    I also know that no email I send to that district anymore is read by only one person. I suspect they have a committee solely designed to respond to my emails and letters...
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'll be interested in hearing what response, if any, you get to that email. Trust me- that committee doesn't want to dip into their money if they don't have to. That's more controlled by the state and usually the state is wondering why the local agency (sd) isn't using their money for it. See- it becomes a battle between the two of them if you just go, put your stuff on the table showing you have nothing to hide and already have every pertinent service from other agencies. I can't tell you for sure that's how it will go- I was surprised many times in my son's case. It's just hard for me to see it playing out any other way.

    And if they ever do a family assessment on you, it can actually work in your favor. The dss rep that did difficult child's was always responding "the mother is already doing everything that can be done and the state or county doesn't have anything more to offer difficult child than she is already giving" every time gal called in dss for a potential placement. It saved us. But you ladies here are responsible for that- I had just found this board and spent that weekend typing up a timeline documenting difficult child's hx and everything I'd done to try to get him help. I handed it to dss rep, talked with her on the phone to describe current homelife/family situation, she came to house, sat in living room, and told me just what I put in quotes above. Every time gal called her in after that, dss rep just sighed and said "what's going on now". Ok, I'll go talk to her again. LOL! Some of these people can turn into advocates- dss didn't want to take a kid who didn't need to be removed from home.

    ETA: I think you could get some satisfaction from hearing a JO tell sd that they can't put a child that age into juvie and a dss rep tell sd that removing wee from his home or whatever won't solve this problem.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'll let you know what the response is. If I get one, that is.

    Still waiting on the princpal to explain to me how Wee is with the SpEd Teacher "most of the time" when his schedule has him out of her room 50% of the time he's at school....I asked if there had been a change in his schedule. Still waiting on that answer...

    And no kidding about advocates in strange places. I'm not cozy and friendly with the district's attorney, but at this moment in time, we share a common goal from oppostie sides of the table. I have not talked to him again, and I won't, because we are so close to that cut-off point, but I know he's involved. They don't even try to hide it anymore, they use his name easily. But I am fairly certain he's behind some things - like not suspending Wee, and quite possibly why there isn't a JO report.

    ExMIL had a conversation with a member of the board recently. I'm not sure all the details, but I do know that exMIL told them they had a wonderful, insightful attorney.

    And a principal completely devoid of a heart.
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm not sure that waxing, broken dryers and overdue oil changes are on DCFS radar...I think you're "safe" in those departments.


    Other than that--I have absolutely nothing to add....I am so flabbergasted by the things you are going through! I am speechless!
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, you know it! Nothing would make me happier.

    Except they've already been told to get their act together...and still, I think they're looking for that scape goat that blames someone else. (ie ME!)

    When this whole fiasco started years ago, they always thanked me, repeatedly, for being an involved parent.

    I've often wondered what they'd do if I'd excuse myself from the table and tell them I'm done with the guys fiigure it out.

    Not that I would do that...but I wonder.
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    What about hyper, dirty, difficult child dogs???

    lol just kidding. (you know, if ya don't laugh, you'll cry...)