Inpatient treatment not going well

[wantpeace]

My difficult child's counselor at inpatient called this afternoon for a phone conference since he's been refusing to see or talk to me. She wanted to discuss rules and consequences for home before family days on Thursday and Friday. He's scheduled to come home on Friday when we're done with that session and then starts IOP next Monday. Well, difficult child refused to talk to me at first. When he finally did talk, it was terrible. He said he hates me unconditionally and that he planned to bolt (unlocked facility) if I wouldn't pick him up. He knows I would lose my $5000 bail money and that the police would be contacted which could result in another bail jumping charge. It's their proceedure to notify the police right away when someone walks out. He has no phone, money, or calling card so he wouldn't make it far.

I called back after an hour and the nurse said his bags were packed, he refused to eat supper or leave his room. The counselor then got on the phone and said that he was crying and said he's never been that mean to me and that he did indeed love me but didn't want to be there and couldn't believe I wouldn't pick him up. She said I shouldn't let him get his way by going to get him.

So I'm sitting here hoping the phone doesn't ring. I don't want him to face more charges, I don't want to lose my bail money, and most importantly I wanted this treatment program to help!! I thought he would be much better when the drugs cleared from his system, but our relationship is getting worse. I'm convinced he was self medicating for depression and anxiety. He is not on medications for those conditions, but I did make an appointment with a psychiatrist. My head is spinning!

 

[Nancy]

I'm so sorry. I wonder if he's really scared and this is his way of showing it. I know when my difficult child got really scared she treated me horribly and said horrible things to me. If only they woul learn how to express their real feelings in a constructive manner.

Why are his bags packed now, does he want you to pick him up before Friday? When my difficult child was in inpatient rehab she tried to bolt one saturday with former patients who came to visit. She was in the parking lot putting her bags in a car when they ran out nd got her and somehow convinced her to come back in. It was a horrible day, I too had hoped the treatment program was working better.

Does your difficult child not want to go to the IOP upon release? I'm sorry he is taking this all out on you when it was his own actions that put him there.

Nancy

 

[wantpeace]

Nancy, I do think he's scared. He mentioned to the counselor that he doesn't want to go back to school because most of the kids there are users. He also goes back to court in three weeks, so I'm sure that's weighing heavily on his mind. To top it off, he found out that his ex-girlfriend who betrayed him when they were together is now dating his best friend. I told him about it because I didn't want him to find out when he got out of inpatient. I also want him to understand these aren't true friends. The facilidty he's at wants the kids to be in treatment willingly, so I don't think the counselors try too hard to convince them to stay if they want to leave. In fact, she gave him an extra assignment to complete tonight. If he doesn't do it, it sounds like they won't let him complete the program. She recommends revoking his bond if he doesn't want to cooperate. That's not a simple process either.

I know he's still hurting from the divorce and from not having his father in his life. My kids went through way too much and that makes it very difficult for me when I have to use tough love to teach them lessons.

 

[pinevalley]

I am so sorry that your difficult child is treating you so badly, and that he is in so much trouble. I really don't understand how this inpatient center can say that your difficult child is ready to come home, when he is not even close to a recovery from his addiction. Can you talk to the counselors at the program about his progress (or lack of progress), and see if they can keep him longer?

I know that you are hurting, and I can relate to your worries about your difficult child and his bail, and his next court date. These difficult child's never make it easy for us, do they? Good luck, and I am sending many Hugs for strength to you.

 

[wantpeace]

I asked the counselor if keeping him longer was an option, but she said they don't do that. Now she's going on vacation, so she won't even be there for the family sessions (if we make it that far).

 

[enablernomore]

It's really important to stay strong right now for your son and it sounds like that means to let him suffer the natural consequences. It takes SOOOOOOOOO much courage and faith to be in your shoes - the same shoes many of us tread in day in, day out. All I can do is echo the same words so many believe in and share with others on this site - to turn him over to God. Something that really helps me is when I pray, I thank God for teaching me that no matter how much I love my son, HE loves him even more. It reminds me I am NOT alone in this and that God wants what is best for him. God bless and stay strong. Many hugs to you.

 

[DDD]

When is the family session scheduled and who will be there if the counselor if on vacation? It sure sounds to me like you and difficult child need a qualified professional with you for that meeting. Any chance you could pay the psychiatrist or any therapist that you both know to attend and help expedite the session? Sending caring thoughts your way. I'm sorry it is so very difficult. DDD

 

[wantpeace]

Family sessions are from 8am - 4pm tomorrow and Friday. There will be another counselor there that my difficult child knows. I just spoke to the counselor on the phone. He said difficult child was calm today and finished the extra work (resentment packet) they told him he had to do last night. He participated in sessions today, but he still has a lot of anger that he needs to deal with. His bio dad was abusive to both of us, but for some reason his anger is directed toward me right now. I'm hoping we can break through some barriers tomorrow. One day at a time!

 

[InsaneCdn]

but for some reason his anger is directed toward me right now

Of course it is... you "didn't" protect him from this... I know, didn't because you couldn't, but the little kid inside him doesn't know the difference. Abuse is a horrid, multi-headed monster.

 

[DDD]

With all my heart I am hoping and praying that the meeting goes well. Dealing with substance abuse is such a convoluted experience. You've got all my support and best wishes. Hugs. DDD

 

[Signorina]

good luck at the family meeting {{{hugs}}}

 

[exhausted]

Want peace, coming in late here so sorry. I have been where you are and I know what your mommy heart is feeling. You have gotten some good feedback. You are the one there and of course you will get his resentment. He isn't even close to sorting out his feelings. All he knows is he hurts, he's made some bad choices and he's scared. Thats a lot for a kid. They just are not right at this age and add the substance abuse and mental health issues.... Stay the course even though you feel "hard" and that you want to help. Pity does not help anyone. Even though the hand he has been dealt is kinda rotten, he has got to get through it to ever have the hope of being sober. Life is tough. Few people get through without tough stuff. It is double hard for our less resielient difficult children. You are doing all the right things.