Inside out

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Dec 27, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Due to everything around me, I am no longer myself I have tried to be strong for all envolved ... My Son seems to br doin ok for now ... yes I am Thankful..But No promises , Still No Job & staying here & There ... So still I worry ! Now my other half puts his 2 cents in & has really crossed a line NO MATTER HOW BAD my son is doin I Don't need someone in my ear telling me "Don't trust that,or You dont need to do this", I Still Have Hope But he tends to bring my Spirits down ... Not sure which way to go anymore... Just Say a Prayer please ... thank Yall for listening
     
  2. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Member

    It is so hard, and so lonely! Take care!
     
  3. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank you & Yes it is deeply
     
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Prayer for sure for you..May God be the only one in the middle od all of it.

    Hugs
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    T Rene, I am sending prayers of strength and peace for you. Do not give up hope.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would go to Al Anon. in my opinion your husband may seem harsh, but he is right. Your son's behavior will not inspire good feelings in others. You can hope for a better tomorrow while accepting today's reality.

    Maybe you and husband need therapy. A neutral person with insight and training is often very good at teaching both of you to cope. These adult kids can destroy good marriages and in the end the adult child is not there for you most only care about themselves and what we do for them...they are not around us when we are sick or hit hard times. But a loving husband is a companion and friend for life. To me an abled bodied adult kid who often abuses, mooches off our hospitality and disrespects us should not get in between us and our significant other if he is a good man.
    Lonely is telling your husband to leave and being stuck with only an empathy challenged adult child.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2016
  7. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    I've been
    This is a familiar story to me. I too was caught in the middle between my husband and daughter (her sterpdad) it went on for about 9 years. I couldn't speak to her, too afraid of her anger and not letting me see my granddaughters. He finally threw her out. It's been almost two years since that happened. For a long time I blamed him. I've recently come to understand that it hurt him to see how she treated me. There were other issues as well. We're stil together. It hasn't been easy. But he is the one who takes care of me when I'm sick, holds me when I cry, loves me completely. She, however, has moved to another state, won't speak to me or let me speak to my granddaughters.
     
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  8. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I feel the pain you have Mine also has 2 daughters ( he does not have ) wife left ! Its so very hard to deal with everyday life anymore .. prayers all around Thank You for sharing
     
  9. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    It's very hard. When I felt he was speaking critically of my daughter, I would jump to her defense. Now I'm realizing he was right. I just couldn't ser it.
     
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I think when we have children from previous marriages we always have that feeling that maybe husbands are acting this way or that way ONLY because they aren't blood but I do agree with other posters, it's usually what they see US going through.

    Our Difficult Child is OUR child together and I even get protective with OUR son sometimes because my husband seems a bit harsh at times. I have learned to bite my tongue though because as time evolves, I am seeing husband is right. Don't let your child, his child, any child get in between a (good) marriage.

    It isn't right. It doesn't end well.
     
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  11. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    I've had thoughts at times of leaving my husband and devoting my life to taking care of my daughter and granddaughters. She and I would usually get along okay, but of course I was usually doing what she wanted. Don't know how it would be on a long term basis. And I always knew that sad he could leave me in a heartbeat. She seems to want to live in faraway places. I didn't leave him. I'm still working through some feelings about his relationship with her. But he was also the one to help her. She doesn't speak to her biological father. She now describes herself as a victim of incest.
     
  12. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I have questioned the same thg in my head .. but your exactly right As Long as Im doin for My Son Thgs wld be fine ... Although I know in reality He wld be doin the same thgs I wld just be part of his world Thank you & many prayers
     
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  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If you get along with your adult child only when you do what he/she wants you will be able to see and interact with him/her as long as you watch your step, but that is not a true parent/grown child relationship. In any halfway healthy relationship, both people give and take and care.

    Personality disordered people (borderline, narcissist, antisocial) don't do healthy relationships. It's all about what you do for them.

    You can devote your soul to them, as long as you are able, but they will never be grateful or change. They can't change. They lack normal human empathy. They can be abusive and not feel badly about it.
     
  14. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    You're right ... thats the painful part ... knowing ...
     
  15. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    I'm finally beginning to understand that. It's not easy to accept, but having to remember she's not mentally healthy. My heart goes out to my granddaughters, but nothing I can do. To outsiders she's wonderful. But not to her family.