this petty?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Lothlorien, May 1, 2009.

  1. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    There is a boy in Mighty Mouse's class that I sent a note to his mom in the beginning of the school year. Mighty wanted a playdate, so I sent our number and asked his mom to call. She never called. She saw me in Dec during their holiday party. She sought me out, I didn't even know who she was. She told me, at that point that she was sorry she never got to me and said she would call over the holiday vaca. Never happened. Whatever.

    I sent in several birthday party invitations, but not to the entire class, because it was in my home and I just can't have that many kids in my house. I sent one to this kid. Never response, whatsoever. So now.....I get a party invite for Mighty to go to this boy's birthday party. I'm a bit insulted. She couldn't even call me to tell me that they couldn't make my son's party, but has the nerve to send us one???

    Am I being petty, or would you be annoyed, too? I feel like totally ignoring the invite, like she did to me. My son really likes this boy and they play together at school all the time.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. She needs a class from Miss Manners.
    Does your difficult child like him a lot? If not, I'd just skip it. You should really RSVP, regardless, but it is tempting to play the same game and ignore it. ;)
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi :)

    Your not being petty, i'd feel the same exact way. It's so crucial to respond to kids invite's to parties especially our kids being so sensitive.

    I tend to be blunt, so I think even though my gut would want to do just that ignore the invite as she did to you guys, i wouldnt' only cause your guy wants to go so badly. yet id' def call her and say i was so disappionted to see that you never took the time to respond to our invitations and my son's feeling were actually hurt. He would love to attend the party, yet in the future let's try to communicate in regards to our children spending time together, I know life can be very hectic at times.

    But no, you are soo not being petty. I hate to say it but if your son didn't want to go so badly to the party and didn't like this child so much id' probably blow off the invite :) i know bad me!

    good luck, it's always fun dealing with-other parents who really tend to be clueless
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Loth, this mother clearly has very bad manners, but I don't think she means to personally insult you. Sounds like she just doesn't know any better.

    Since Mighty Mouse likes this boy and would probably enjoy his birthday party, I would let him go. I would also RSVP. It might be that she just needs examples of proper behaviour.

    I would be miffed too. But I would lump her in with all the other ill-mannered brutes in the world rather than feeling that it reflects on me.

  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    When easy child had her last b'day party, we gave out 13 invites, 7 replied. I was a bit miffed as there were other girls easy child would have invited had we known for sure whether the other 6 were coming or not. I'd feel a bit put out too, if one of them sent an invite for easy child, but I would reply, and let easy child go. Not doing so would just hurt easy child as she loves to go to parties etc. and she wouldn't "get" the insult part of it really.

    Many people have just lost the knowledge of good manners somewhere along the road. I'm trying to teach my kids better. Rudeness (like not RSVPing) is my pet peeve, but then I'm too polite to say anything to people about it LOL.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Oh, I'm not letting him go.....I really don't have the money to spend on a gift...especially when his mother couldn't even respond to our invite. I would rather spend the money I do have on a child whose mother will at least have manners to respond to our invite. The question was if I should RSVP with a no or just ignore. It's just a shame that these kids have the next 12 years of being in school together and the mother obviously doesn't have enough sense to realize that.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh, I see. Well, I still think an RSVP is warranted, just to demonstrate to her what someone with proper manners is supposed to do.


  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Do you really want to drive her crazy?

    Tell Mighty Mouse he's going (so he will be sure to mention it to his little friend) but DON'T RSVP to the mother/home. Just show up.

    If she says something about not hearing from you, just flippantly say "Oh, I didn't think you did that sort of thing" and let it go. Hopefully she will 'get it'.

    Like so many parents, she likely stretches herself too thin and rsvp-ing and the like comes last. Sad I know, and not at all polite, but I've met so many parents like that. I try not to be offended, because I'm the opposite.

    If MM knows about the party and wants to go, he should go.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Is it possible the child never brought the invite home, or that it wasn't seen until too late? That's happened a few times with us, and I only found out about it 6 months later when I bumped into the parent out in the community. They felt bad about it, but some people just can't bring themselves to pick up the phone to make amends. It's easier for them to just try to forget it and hope you do too. And my difficult child has been guilty of losing invites or getting them buried in his backpack and forgetting about them.

    If it were me, and I knew my kid liked the other kid and they played well together, I'd go ahead and let my kid go to the party. I can't help it if the parent is clueless, but I figure I need to facilitate my kid's social life because in our case, he doesn't do a very good job on his own.

    Who knows, it may just be a misunderstanding and the parent may just be socially clueless. Doesn't mean it was an intentional slight. I'd be annoyed, too, but I'd still want my kid to have a chance at a potentially positive relationship.

    Just my 2 cents.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Loth--

    I would give this woman the benefit of the doubt. You never know what's been on her plate, and let's face it, when stressful things come up in our lives the small things (like responding promptly to invitations) can go right out the window.

    I think you should let your son go to the party....if you cannot afford a traditional gift, perhaps you could bake a batch of cookies or something...?

    Best of luck!

  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I would like to think I'd RSVP.....but I'd sure be tempted not to.

    It sounds like she received the play date invitation...but are you sure she got MM's birthday party invitation? If it wasn't mailed, I wonder if it got lost in the shuffle somewhere.

  12. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    This is kinda along the lines of what I was thinking. When my stepdad was sick, we let a LOT of Sis's stuff fall by the wayside. I try not to judge anyone now, without being sure they were intentionally snubbing me. Also, some people are just airheaded, not rude (I mean, they ARE rude, haha, but they don't mean to be.). And if the kids get along well, we try to ignore bad parents. :tongue:
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Do what I do when I get these types of invites - you know - no one calls you for a year, you haven't even been out for coffee in 3 years - and then all of a sudden - their son has twins, their daughter is graduating high school, their oldest daughter is graduating college, and having a bridal shower, and having a wedding -----and I got an invite to all of it....PFT.

    This on top of I never even got a "So how is Dude?" the last time we spoke. WOW.....

    I send people who send me invitations like that - a little note back that says

    A STAR has been named after you!!

    Or a TREE has been planted in honor of your birthday.

    (I really do plant loads of trees - so it's not a lie) and I can look up in the sky any night and point to any star and say "YUP that ones Fred."

    I think - I would let Mightymouse go - because they DO get along at school - but I would not send a gift. Presence required Presents not.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Kill her with kindness.

    Two things that come to mind: either let MM go, find a small gift (Bakugan are all the rage and you can get the small ones for $2.49). RSVP, have MM there on time, etc. The way it is supposed to be done. Last summer difficult child 2 invited the whole football team. We had 4 boys show. Only two people RSVP'd to say their child would NOT be there, and one to say YES. The Thursday before, another child's Mom handed out pizza-and-pool-party invites to all the boys. This is the only child who does not get along with difficult child 2, and mother likes BM. Need I say more.

    Second thing, don't let him go - but still RSVP.

    Maybe she'll learn some manners by osmosis. Or not. But you will have done the right thing. Which should make you feel smug!!!
  15. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    While I would be insulted, I would probably take the high road and do the right thing. It is not the child's fault his mom is insensitive. MM would enjoy the party and he likes the kid. Let him go if he is able to and you don't have other plans. If you do, call and tell her. Show by example!
  16. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Loth, I agree with you, I would be annoyed at her. There is no excuse for rudeness. I don't think I would rsvp if you have no intention of going. You're time is as valuable as hers. She couldn't be bothered, neither can you.-Alyssa
  17. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I'm on the "who knows what she's got on her plate" side of things. While I always respond, there are times that I've gone past the rsvp date and called in a panic.

    My difficult child 1 is such a little pill that I don't like to take the chance of spoiling a friendship for him. Face it, the majority of our kids get picked on unmercifully - I try not to add to it! :D

    BUT - I'd still be torqued about the lack of response in the past and would find a way for her to know it!

  18. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    So many people these days are not taught proper manners.

    Honestly, Loth........She could just not know any better. I'm embarrassed to say that in my younger days I had no clue what RSVP meant. No one in my family ever used it. And being dirt poor we just weren't invited to things. I know I let a couple slide.....before another parent explained to me what it meant.

    Personally, I wouldn't make the kids suffer due to her behavior. But just because MM would go to the party doesn't mean he has to bring a gift. Gifts were never required at my kids bdays. And I've noticed my girls have continued this with their kids.

    If you're not going, I'd let her know.

    Like I said, that's just me though.

  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    FWIW, easy child 2 had a sleepover last week. She invited 10 little girls. There was an RSVP on the invites.

    Two called, seven came.

    One of the two that called is from a military family. The other had already told easy child 2 that she couldn't come and her plans changed so she could.

    While I think its awful manners, I also think its something that's gone by the wayside.

    Next time we do this, I will flat out say in the invitation, "please call and let us know if you are coming so we can have enough food" or something along that lines. In case "RSVP" is too confusing, being French and all.
  20. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Loth, ignorance is often the problem. I'd call her and tell her that easy child is or is not coming but ask why she never responded to the RSVP for your son's birthday. You can help her grow up and gain manners.LOL. : )