Interaction with-other kids..

[vtheartmama]

As I have mentioned before my 3.5 year old will not go in the Playplace if there are boys present. She only has 1 girl in her preschool class, "grace", who tends to be hyper (my daughter is not). I had my suspicions and talked with the teacher about her interactions with her classmates, and they are pretty much non-existant. She does not interact with the boys at all, and if "grace" comes up to play, my daughter picks up what she is playing with and moves after just a few minutes.

When I ask her how school went she will tell me she played with "grace", or did a project with "grace" or if "grace" was not there she played by herself. I am confused by how she percieves her interactions with "grace"..and the fact that she has such solid gender roles at only 3.5 years old (she will not play with boy toys "because they are for boys", and I can't like something because "that's for boys"). She plays with her cousins and brother just fine. I am thinking perhaps it is the setting? The teacher said not to worry she just needs some times to warm up (5 months??) On monday she will start going to a homeschooling playgroup with more girls to help her socialize a bit more and I hope this helps...I just don't understand her strict gender seperation...has anyone else run into this?

 

[BusynMember]

Right off the bat, I would say I'd take her to a developmental pediatrician or neuropsychologist. She has some serious symptoms of autistic spectrum disorder (high functioning). Language delays, high anxiety, sensory issues, obsessiveness...all part of the spectrum. That would explain why she won't interact with her peers and why her thinking is so "black and white." My son, who is on the spectrum, did not have strict gender restrictions, but he also had some very quirky "do" and "don't:" behaviors and there was no room for middle ground.
These kids can often seem one way at home and totally different...lost...in an unfamiliar place with "strangers." Strangers can be anybody not in their family!
We can't possibly diagnose from here, but I think there are enough red flags to check this out and unfortunately regular pediatricians are usually pretty clueless about these disorders so you have to seek out others to do testing.

 

[nvts]

I agree with MWM. She pretty much hit the nail on the head.

As a quick aside, most kids DO identify "boy toys" or "girl toys" and it's right about at this age. I don't know what triggers it because I was always a wicked tomboy, but at a certain age the boys would tell me "you can't like that! It's a BOY TOY!!!" Maybe it's how things are portrayed in commercials on tv. I don't know, but it used to throw me too!

Beth

 

[vtheartmama]

NVTS- thanks! that makes me feel better about that part...I'll just go with the flow then!

MWM- something you said just suddenly explained something to me. My daughter had an overnight with auntie and cousins and I met her at the library to try out a new music and movement class and she just seemed so strange. I know it must have been overwhelming, lots of kids, new place etc. but what you said..she seemed "lost", and she gets that way a lot it's certaintly not the first time, I've just never figured out a word to describe it. She has an IEP for her speech/language delays, specifically she has trouble staying on topic, answering questions "correctly" (Q. What is the cat doing? A. "I have a cat at home"), using the correct pronouns (he for she), can't answer "why?" questions. I've dealt with the medical issues one by one as they have cropped up, unexpectedly,...the speech/language was a suprise she has always been so bright..I'm gonna have to dig down very very deep to deal with this one..

 

[BusynMember]

Most k ids with high functioning autism can speak and speak well. But they aren't sure how to hold a give-and-take conversation. Often they talk non-stop about an obsession they may have or they just answer "yes" and "no" or "I don't know." They do poorly in new situations and can not transition well from one activity to another. My son is seventeen and when he is at home or at school (where he knows everybody) he seems almost normal...lol. But in a brand new situation...he shut down, drop his head and look like a lost little kid. You may want to take this online test to see how your kiddo scores. Most of us feel that, if answered honestly, it is pretty accurate:
http://www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html

 

[vtheartmama]

Thanks..I took it 3 times at different times of the day to get a good response..*L* (uh yeah, I also took 13 pregnancy tests with my first child, (I kept thinking they were wrong because they were from the dollar store, nope, just as accurate as your $15 ones). So the first score was 97 (mild), the second was 114(moderate) and the 3rd was 106 (moderate) for an average of 105.6..so low moderate range..

 

[HaoZi]

I did two tests on mine a few months apart, her first one was 135 and her second one was 108. Not sure if it was a difference in how I saw things or if she had made improvement or some combination of both. I scored 85 on it myself.

 

[vtheartmama]

I never thought to take it myself! I just did...scored 60..phew *L*. My issues are more social interaction (extremely awkward) and sensory related like can't stand jackets, tight clothes, wearing my hair down, anything in my pockets, especially change (I arrange it by size over and over in my pocket..*L*), repetitive noises or movements, loud sounds, wiper blades, hats, tight socks or socks that are on twisted, I like everything ordered by size and category, the list goes on and on.. I got married on a Wed. because I really wanted to get married on an odd day with a 3 or 7 in it, it just seemed right.
When my best friend told me the name of her first baby my response was "Really? why'd you pick THAT name?". Insensitive and inappropriate I know, but at the time it didn't occur to me the appropriate thing to say was "what a nice name!", and it took her explaining it to me to figure out it might have hurt her feelings. A small example of my many awkward social encounters where I was completely inappropriate. I am anxious and nervous and if i think the center of attention is on me in the least my face shines like a fire hydrant. OH WELL...c'est la vie. Guess i can't be suprised if my daughter is having problems although I was SO hoping she'd be the exact opposite of me and be blessed with the social grace I lack.

 

[HaoZi]

Considering that the "resolved" column gets graded as zero and I had a number of those... I hate to think what my score when I was younger would have been. I'm still socially awkward in a lot of situations, always knew that, I've just become more aware of this extra little whisper in my brain saying "I don't have a programmed response to that. What now?"