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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 60490" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The problems arise when the newer term can have added meaning. I agree Allan, I'd always seen "developmental delay" as having a subtly different meaning to "retarded". </p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was given a label of "significant language delay" which I took to mean that he was simply not as far along the language path as he should have been. I certainly didn't see it as a sentence of permanent inability to use language - it may have been intended that way perhaps, but I never saw it that way thank goodness, or maybe I wouldn't have worked so hard with him to help him "catch up".</p><p></p><p>At about the same time, the first big multi-disciplinary assessment of difficult child 3 (which also gave us the label "mild to moderate autism spectrum disorder") gave his first "psychometric assessment" (not IQ test, of course) results as "borderline". They never did tell us WHAT was borderline. I actually asked and they would not answer specifically, just told me that he would never be able to attend a normal school but in a few years time could be enrolled in a "special school". Again, no further specifics.</p><p></p><p>I grew up with accepted terms like "retarded" being used appropriately, certainly not as playground insults. The relevant insult was "dummy". And it was never used to the girl who clearly WAS retarded. Mind you, we did keep asking her why she was retarded but we never got the same answer twice and her big sister would refuse to answer. Hey, I was only 6 at the time. Kids want to know things, they aren't automatically easy child.</p><p>My older sister had a friend who was retarded. The term was used openly, frankly, no disgrace. Mary grew up, got married and had a baby (we were amazed). She needed a lot of support but I still remember her visiting my sister, with the baby. Mary and my sister were very good friends. I remember being told Mary's IQ was about 80. My sister was 145. But they understood one another.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is quite comfortable with the autism label. He will openly tell total strangers that he's autistic, if there is even the slightest indication in the conversation. For example, "Why are you not in school?" would bring difficult child 3's reply, "I do Distance Education because I'm autistic and don't manage as well in a normal school."</p><p>Sometimes a person he's talking to will comment that difficult child 3 seems very smart. "That's because I'm autistic," he tells them.</p><p>A young friend of ours is a very smart kid. difficult child 3 asked her mother, "Is Debbie autistic?"</p><p>The mother was a bit taken aback and said, "No, of course not. Why would you think that?"</p><p>"Because she's very clever, one of the smartest kids I know," he told the mother.</p><p>I've explained to difficult child 3 that you can be clever without being autistic, and some autistic kids may be clever but have too many problems to use that clever brain properly. It's just that kids who are autistic need to learn in a different way and have problems sometimes where other kids cope. It's not always easy for them but there is a reason for that and there are often ways to work around a problem, as we are doing.</p><p>We have a young neighbour whose autism is quite severe. He's non-verbal and in many ways, like a 2 year old. difficult child 3 can accept that his autism is more severe but also sees that this boy can continue to improve. He doesn't understand that he will probably never be able to cope as well as difficult child 3 can. But we can't play cutesy with the language, we have to tell it like it is (and then try to convince difficult child 3 to be tactful - doesn't come easily!)</p><p></p><p>Political correctness is alien to autistic kids. difficult child 3 gave me a hug one day and said, "I love you, Mum. I don't care at all that you're fat."</p><p>Hmm. I hugged him back and thanked him, but tried to explain that saying things about someone being fat isn't polite. His reply - "But surely, Mum, you did know you're fat, didn't you? I wasn't saying anything you didn't already know?"</p><p></p><p>Maybe we should put autistic people in charge of the language use police.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 60490, member: 1991"] The problems arise when the newer term can have added meaning. I agree Allan, I'd always seen "developmental delay" as having a subtly different meaning to "retarded". difficult child 3 was given a label of "significant language delay" which I took to mean that he was simply not as far along the language path as he should have been. I certainly didn't see it as a sentence of permanent inability to use language - it may have been intended that way perhaps, but I never saw it that way thank goodness, or maybe I wouldn't have worked so hard with him to help him "catch up". At about the same time, the first big multi-disciplinary assessment of difficult child 3 (which also gave us the label "mild to moderate autism spectrum disorder") gave his first "psychometric assessment" (not IQ test, of course) results as "borderline". They never did tell us WHAT was borderline. I actually asked and they would not answer specifically, just told me that he would never be able to attend a normal school but in a few years time could be enrolled in a "special school". Again, no further specifics. I grew up with accepted terms like "retarded" being used appropriately, certainly not as playground insults. The relevant insult was "dummy". And it was never used to the girl who clearly WAS retarded. Mind you, we did keep asking her why she was retarded but we never got the same answer twice and her big sister would refuse to answer. Hey, I was only 6 at the time. Kids want to know things, they aren't automatically easy child. My older sister had a friend who was retarded. The term was used openly, frankly, no disgrace. Mary grew up, got married and had a baby (we were amazed). She needed a lot of support but I still remember her visiting my sister, with the baby. Mary and my sister were very good friends. I remember being told Mary's IQ was about 80. My sister was 145. But they understood one another. difficult child 3 is quite comfortable with the autism label. He will openly tell total strangers that he's autistic, if there is even the slightest indication in the conversation. For example, "Why are you not in school?" would bring difficult child 3's reply, "I do Distance Education because I'm autistic and don't manage as well in a normal school." Sometimes a person he's talking to will comment that difficult child 3 seems very smart. "That's because I'm autistic," he tells them. A young friend of ours is a very smart kid. difficult child 3 asked her mother, "Is Debbie autistic?" The mother was a bit taken aback and said, "No, of course not. Why would you think that?" "Because she's very clever, one of the smartest kids I know," he told the mother. I've explained to difficult child 3 that you can be clever without being autistic, and some autistic kids may be clever but have too many problems to use that clever brain properly. It's just that kids who are autistic need to learn in a different way and have problems sometimes where other kids cope. It's not always easy for them but there is a reason for that and there are often ways to work around a problem, as we are doing. We have a young neighbour whose autism is quite severe. He's non-verbal and in many ways, like a 2 year old. difficult child 3 can accept that his autism is more severe but also sees that this boy can continue to improve. He doesn't understand that he will probably never be able to cope as well as difficult child 3 can. But we can't play cutesy with the language, we have to tell it like it is (and then try to convince difficult child 3 to be tactful - doesn't come easily!) Political correctness is alien to autistic kids. difficult child 3 gave me a hug one day and said, "I love you, Mum. I don't care at all that you're fat." Hmm. I hugged him back and thanked him, but tried to explain that saying things about someone being fat isn't polite. His reply - "But surely, Mum, you did know you're fat, didn't you? I wasn't saying anything you didn't already know?" Maybe we should put autistic people in charge of the language use police. Marg [/QUOTE]
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