Interesting speaker and demonstration in alanon last night

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by KFld, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I know what happens at alanon stays at alanon, but I don't think there is any harm in talking about a demonstration by one of the speakers because I'm not disclosing anyone's private information, just the great demonstration she did that made so much sense and I think many of you can benefit from it the way I did last night.

    She had a square bucket and she placed an empty jar with a lid on it in the bucket. She started pouring water over the closed top and said it is like talking to an actively using addict, you keep talking and they aren't hearing a word of what you are saying because just like the top is closed, so is their mind, so you are wasting your breath and they aren't hearing a word you are saying and the jar remained empty.

    She then took the top off the empty jar and let it fall sideways into the water and said this is the addict when you stop helping, they fall face down and they are drowning in the water, hit bottom and now have to help themselves because you are no longer there. After a minute or so she stood the bottle up and it had filled with a little bit of water from laying in it's side and she said, this is the addict starting to fill up with what they are choosing to allow to work it's way in, meetings, good choices they are making for themselves etc. because we are no longer doing it for them.

    She then started pouring water into the open bottle until it was overflowing and said, this is the addict as you are telling them you are proud of them, you are helping yourself, we love you, everything positive because they are helping themselves.

    At one point she tipped the bottle over again and said, this is a relapse, stood it back up and it was 3/4 full, but it wasn't empty, the addict had retained a lot of what he/she had learned.

    It was actually very moving and made so much sense. We spend so much time badgering them and trying to get them to see that we are right and they are wrong and they aren't hearing a word of it. it's like talking to a brick wall, and it's not until you stop that they have to do it for themselves.

    You probably had to be there to really appreciate it as much as I did, but I thought it was great :)
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a great demonstration. I've never thought of it in that way. Thanks. DDD
  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    It sounds great and I like the visual images. It helps you see the situation objectively! Good idea- I have never heard of that before.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow I am impressed. I sure wish I could find an alanon meeting as relevant here. That demonstration is similar to what they told us in parents day at rehab, an addict cannot hear what you are saying so we keep talking/yelling/pleading and they can't hear at all. When they detox and go through rehab they start hearing for the first time and that's when our words are most powerful.

    I am so glad you found such a good group.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very powerful. I know my words fall on very deaf ears. I cant possibly understand. I never know what Im talking about. Im making a mountain out of a mole hill. He isnt the one who starts things, he has to deal with people who yell at him. When I point out that when you associate with bad people, you are bad people. I certainly dont get people calling me cussing me out! Then its just me not getting it and I am making him mad. Hmmmm. Maybe I am hitting too close to the truth ya think?