Interesting Therapy Session Last Night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Very different. difficult child 1 has been doing extremely well in school. We've taken him off all medication, so he's sort of "swinging in the breeze" for the first time in years. He was sooooo aggressive with every medication that we tried that I dug into the side effects on each one and surprisingly each one read something along the lines of "can cause aggressive behavior". Figured it was worth a shot and he's really doing well. Now don't get me wrong - he's made 1 stupid decision but where he usually messes up, he's doing beautifully. Still got a mouth, but it's more "feeling his oats" kind of stuff vs. verbal bashing that used to go on.

    The one stupid decision (most of you know that most of his problems. surround fear of physical harm) was joining the two really cruel bullies in some of their antics on the bus because they promised to stop hitting him if he did. It should be noted here that difficult child 2 stood up for the kids they were picking on and got pushed around by the 2 bullies because of that. I admire him tremendously.

    Anyway, (as I go back to my original point of the post!) we went to therapy last night, and discussed both the school placement issues with the intermediate school as well as the bus situation. The next thing I know difficult child 1 is declaring that he wants to be in a Gen. Ed. class with 30 or so other students and not a 12:1 within the gen ed environment. This blew my mind - he's never once expressed this before. He actually got indignant that I never presented this as an option to him. I swear, I can't win!

    He also discussed how much he's disappointed in his dad. Dad has been a recluse with his video game for about 9 mos. now. The kids are really resentful and I don't really know how to make him correct it. He's just hiding out and when he does stoop to interact with the kids, it's criticism or yelling constantly. Then it comes down to I'm not tough enough on them.

    Nothing like an armchair quarterback trying to call the plays!

    It's official - I'm ready to go screaming into the night!

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds like he has done a lot of maturing to me! Do you think a mainstream class with a collaborative (2nd teacher) is worth a shot? IO bet the school would love to make that work- it's less cost to them! It actually could work in his favor if his primary problem is reacting to others provoking him or instigating trouble.

    What medications was he on?

    It sounds like the computer needs to be taken to the shop for a week or so to repair a mysterious software problem!
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Just an idea... Sometimes I have problems with husband and his computer too. So what I did was I sat down with him and told him, look, this reminds me of the behavior of XH - I know it's your escape - what can we do to work this stuff out?

    So, now, when he gets wrapped up (or I do, with other stuff), we gently tell each other, hey, you're withdrawing again... Let's go do something. Anything.

    Last Friday when I mentioned this, difficult child 1 said, "Let's play a game! All of us." Sounded like a good idea, so we played Monopoly. Let me tell you - difficult child 2 is brilliant at Monopoly. difficult child 2 was right behind him. husband and I - not so good. But you know what? We didn't care. It was family time.
  4. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    That sounds very encouraging! Looks like progress is being made with difficult child 1. (not so sure about husband).

    Have you ever thought about difficult child 1 taking martial arts? A good martial arts class will teach the students that violence is the last resort, but if needed here is what you do. It could build confidence and is good exercise. Most kids who feel the physical harm of a bully are ones that walk around with invisible "kick me signs". Confidence can go a long way to discourage that.

    As far as the 30 kids in general Ed. It could be that he likes to hide there better. I have a friend who's son does not want to go to a small college where the class sizes are small, because he is shy and does not want to be noticed. It is easier to hide in a class of 30 then 12.

    husband needs to limit the video games, and learn to talk without criticism. Is there any way you could negotiate spelled out time for the video games. from -- to -- then you join the family. The criticism is just asking for a difficult child to explode. Out family therapist taught us lots of skills to use to lessen to our difficult child. They were of tremendous help.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like a "good" session with the therapist. How do you think he will do in the class he wants?

    I remember how hard it was when husband would crawl into his computer to the exclusion of the entire family. I used to lock up the keyboard and mouse on him. He would go to work and then I would put them in a closet he had no key for. I always talked about the problem with him, usually many times, before I went to that extreme. It has been years since I needed to, but I remember.

    It used to really bug the kids when husband did that. Largely because the only computer was in the dining room and he would sit there and ignore ALL of us for days on end. Up to 15 hours a day on the weekend!

    Would it help if you told husband what difficult child said? And backed him up (difficult child up) with your own observations? At one point I went so far as to log all the times husband was on the computer, doing something else, at work. He didn't know I was doing the log and told me it was a LIE because ALL he did was take care of kids and work.

    So I suggested that he keep a log - on a paper taped to the wall by the computer - of the times he got on the computer and got off the computer.

    He hadn't realized he was doing it at all.

    Many hugs to all of you.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm proud of him for communicating his preferances so well. I think you're going some really great things with him. He's also talking about his feelings. WOW. This is very encouraging Beth.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree that he communicated his preference very well! It's great he is doing so well medication free! I'm sorry about husband being such a recluse. I like Susie's idea about telling husband what difficult child said, maybe that would help? Hugs.