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Interesting Update on difficult child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 9400" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Chris is right, that was my first concern when I read that you want to leave it up to him. It seems (according to him) that he has wanted to do a number of things that you also wanted, but which didn't eventuate.</p><p></p><p>I do wonder - he has a long history of blaming others - is it possible that he is blaming the various services rather more than they deserve? I wouldn't be too angry with him if her were, because under the circumstances they do have some responsibility in this. Just bear it in mind.</p><p></p><p>The fosters - like the school - can only act according to the information they're given. Someone somewhere has the idea that YOU are the problem and that you do not have rights with him. Clearly this is not the case, but if the school doesn't know this, and the fosters don't know this, what is anyone to do? Just because YOU tell the school, or the fosters, that you have rights - it won't do any good if someone else is jamming the works with misinformation. If you were a foster parent, warned from the beginning to watch out for the kid's mum, she's a real problem and should be kept in the dark, would YOU believe the kid's mother when she said she's supposed to be kept in the loop? You'd be wary, nervous and extremely protective of the child.</p><p></p><p>Why do the various agencies do this? Because they have the power. because they can. And probably because you get a sort of Chinese Whispers effect, with misinformation verbally going around and causing a lot of confusion. You told you lawyer you want something permanent; some idiot has interpreted this to mean you want difficult child permanently placed outside the home. It's misunderstanding compounded by lack of communication, which in itself is due to their perceived fears and more misunderstandings.</p><p></p><p>The more groups and people that get involved, the worse this can get.</p><p></p><p>Seems to me, these fosters are acting appropriately, given the misinformation they're working from. They see you as the enemy because they've been told to, by agencies. The agencies see you as the enemy because THEY want control in their hands, not yours. Agencies also have larger case loads than parents. If there's another case (or several) with similar superficial features, the info gets jumbled in people's heads and misinformation creeps in, then gets exaggerated as people swap stories without checking who they're talking about.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with your decision. Don't make it lightly, but whatever you decide, you need to feel you can stick with it wholeheartedly.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 9400, member: 1991"] Chris is right, that was my first concern when I read that you want to leave it up to him. It seems (according to him) that he has wanted to do a number of things that you also wanted, but which didn't eventuate. I do wonder - he has a long history of blaming others - is it possible that he is blaming the various services rather more than they deserve? I wouldn't be too angry with him if her were, because under the circumstances they do have some responsibility in this. Just bear it in mind. The fosters - like the school - can only act according to the information they're given. Someone somewhere has the idea that YOU are the problem and that you do not have rights with him. Clearly this is not the case, but if the school doesn't know this, and the fosters don't know this, what is anyone to do? Just because YOU tell the school, or the fosters, that you have rights - it won't do any good if someone else is jamming the works with misinformation. If you were a foster parent, warned from the beginning to watch out for the kid's mum, she's a real problem and should be kept in the dark, would YOU believe the kid's mother when she said she's supposed to be kept in the loop? You'd be wary, nervous and extremely protective of the child. Why do the various agencies do this? Because they have the power. because they can. And probably because you get a sort of Chinese Whispers effect, with misinformation verbally going around and causing a lot of confusion. You told you lawyer you want something permanent; some idiot has interpreted this to mean you want difficult child permanently placed outside the home. It's misunderstanding compounded by lack of communication, which in itself is due to their perceived fears and more misunderstandings. The more groups and people that get involved, the worse this can get. Seems to me, these fosters are acting appropriately, given the misinformation they're working from. They see you as the enemy because they've been told to, by agencies. The agencies see you as the enemy because THEY want control in their hands, not yours. Agencies also have larger case loads than parents. If there's another case (or several) with similar superficial features, the info gets jumbled in people's heads and misinformation creeps in, then gets exaggerated as people swap stories without checking who they're talking about. Good luck with your decision. Don't make it lightly, but whatever you decide, you need to feel you can stick with it wholeheartedly. Marg [/QUOTE]
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