On Sat Wiz called and asked if we would come over on Sun to celebrate his birthday. He worked the entire thanksgiving holiday and his birthday so we couldn't celebrate then. he was 21 this year! He still hasn't gone out for a drink, lol. He doesn't seem to think it is a big deal, which in my opinion is awesome.
Then my dad called to see if the kids would come over early to decorate the cake because my mom wasn't feeling well. thank you went because J wasn't feeling well. She pushed too hard making a special cheesecake for Wiz and messed up her back and got a migraine.
After thank you was gone, I had a panic attack. I haven't spoken to my mom for any length of time since August. Several times seh has asked to call me back, and then I don't hear from her. I call and leave messages on her cell and the house phone and have not gotten ANY return calls in that time. So I had NO clue what was going on or if I would be ambushed emotionally. it was too much and I cracked.
husband was super sweet, reminded me that WE are not the 'sick' ones, that we have gone to therapy with J and thank you and that the feedback from ALL the tdocs is pretty much "WTH??? What is wrong with your mom/bro/dad/difficult child? That is really unhealthy!".
So we went over. There was an issue with my bro but he wasn't there. Niece was, and she is a delight. We had a good night. My mom again claimed cell phone problems, saying that her phone will sudenly show up with messages with no time or date, and those with dates are often 2-3 weeks old. Um, this has supposedly been happening for almost ten years. Really?
They have had ZERO messages on their house phone from us. No missing messages from anyone else. gee, turns out bro was there each day I left messages, at somepoint after I called. I know because they keep track of him and niece in case exsil makes abuse allegations and so they can possibly get custody if they can prove exsil unfit. This info is on a calendar and I checked it with-o being obvious - no one realized I was doing it or they would have made it a big deal.
Bro is erasing my messages. I am sure of it, but short of video of his face where you can also clearly see which buttons he is pressing on the answering machine (yes, they still have one), this will NOT be believed by my mom. Dad let me know that he is aware of it but also that he doesn't think he can do anything. He doesn't want my mom to be upset. he and mom are afraid that bro will 'start' drinking again if they put too much pressure on him. they also worry because he might try to take niece away from them and they are the only real stability in her life. All the stability bro provides (which is NOT the kind I would recommend) is actually done because they provide it to him via rent, moeny, cars, babysitting on tap 24/7, etc....
We did have a good night. FOUR TIMES Wiz came up behind me or beside me and hugged me. This is the first time in many years that I haven't had to ask for a hug, that he hasn't rebuffed my request for a hug. He hasn't initiated hugs since he was 8 or 9. WOW! That alone made it a great night.
He is a neat kid. Very patient with some people, esp his boss whom he hates. He loves his other coworkers for the most part, and he is HIGHLY regarded by his coworkers. he works at a grocery and the owner is not just senile but cruel and abusive. I hate this man because the things he has done to Wiz, and until wiz quits he has asked that I not say anything to the man. He just does what he can to drive the man nuts by using his own rules against him! Like getting $15 worth of food for lunch for $0.75 by using coupons that customers don't want. He follows ALL the rules about 1 item per coupon, etc... and he would never steal, but he drives this man crazy with his own rules.
Wiz is really gifted at this, lol! Always was.
I hope at some point my mother will figure out how to reach out, and that we will have a better relationship. Until then? It won't paralyze me nearly as often as it did in the past. It won't impact my life as much as it used to. And I have the support of a great husband, my kids, and the wisdom of some awesome tdocs to help me cope.
in my opinion that is real progress for me!
I DID almost make my mom spit coffee all over with this:
"I couldn't figure out why God wasn't answering my prayers. Until I realized I was yelling for the dog." Wiz had told a couple of dyslexia jokes (we all have a bit of this in my family) and I couldn't resist.
The cheesecake was AWESOME - and I managed to recreate this recipe that I lost several years ago!
Then my dad called to see if the kids would come over early to decorate the cake because my mom wasn't feeling well. thank you went because J wasn't feeling well. She pushed too hard making a special cheesecake for Wiz and messed up her back and got a migraine.
After thank you was gone, I had a panic attack. I haven't spoken to my mom for any length of time since August. Several times seh has asked to call me back, and then I don't hear from her. I call and leave messages on her cell and the house phone and have not gotten ANY return calls in that time. So I had NO clue what was going on or if I would be ambushed emotionally. it was too much and I cracked.
husband was super sweet, reminded me that WE are not the 'sick' ones, that we have gone to therapy with J and thank you and that the feedback from ALL the tdocs is pretty much "WTH??? What is wrong with your mom/bro/dad/difficult child? That is really unhealthy!".
So we went over. There was an issue with my bro but he wasn't there. Niece was, and she is a delight. We had a good night. My mom again claimed cell phone problems, saying that her phone will sudenly show up with messages with no time or date, and those with dates are often 2-3 weeks old. Um, this has supposedly been happening for almost ten years. Really?
They have had ZERO messages on their house phone from us. No missing messages from anyone else. gee, turns out bro was there each day I left messages, at somepoint after I called. I know because they keep track of him and niece in case exsil makes abuse allegations and so they can possibly get custody if they can prove exsil unfit. This info is on a calendar and I checked it with-o being obvious - no one realized I was doing it or they would have made it a big deal.
Bro is erasing my messages. I am sure of it, but short of video of his face where you can also clearly see which buttons he is pressing on the answering machine (yes, they still have one), this will NOT be believed by my mom. Dad let me know that he is aware of it but also that he doesn't think he can do anything. He doesn't want my mom to be upset. he and mom are afraid that bro will 'start' drinking again if they put too much pressure on him. they also worry because he might try to take niece away from them and they are the only real stability in her life. All the stability bro provides (which is NOT the kind I would recommend) is actually done because they provide it to him via rent, moeny, cars, babysitting on tap 24/7, etc....
We did have a good night. FOUR TIMES Wiz came up behind me or beside me and hugged me. This is the first time in many years that I haven't had to ask for a hug, that he hasn't rebuffed my request for a hug. He hasn't initiated hugs since he was 8 or 9. WOW! That alone made it a great night.
He is a neat kid. Very patient with some people, esp his boss whom he hates. He loves his other coworkers for the most part, and he is HIGHLY regarded by his coworkers. he works at a grocery and the owner is not just senile but cruel and abusive. I hate this man because the things he has done to Wiz, and until wiz quits he has asked that I not say anything to the man. He just does what he can to drive the man nuts by using his own rules against him! Like getting $15 worth of food for lunch for $0.75 by using coupons that customers don't want. He follows ALL the rules about 1 item per coupon, etc... and he would never steal, but he drives this man crazy with his own rules.
Wiz is really gifted at this, lol! Always was.
I hope at some point my mother will figure out how to reach out, and that we will have a better relationship. Until then? It won't paralyze me nearly as often as it did in the past. It won't impact my life as much as it used to. And I have the support of a great husband, my kids, and the wisdom of some awesome tdocs to help me cope.
in my opinion that is real progress for me!
I DID almost make my mom spit coffee all over with this:
"I couldn't figure out why God wasn't answering my prayers. Until I realized I was yelling for the dog." Wiz had told a couple of dyslexia jokes (we all have a bit of this in my family) and I couldn't resist.
The cheesecake was AWESOME - and I managed to recreate this recipe that I lost several years ago!
