Intervention

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I have been contacted by my sons friends, his childhood ones, not his druggie ones. They want to talk to him and to us tomorrow night and do an impromptu intervention to tell him they care about him and see him slipping.

    I don’t know how this will all go but I am willing to participate. I am honestly touched they still care about him. I thought they had all fallen out of touch with him. They heard about his car accident yesterday and got together and then contacted me.

    I don’t have details and I don’t know what will happen. I do think he will listen to them more than he listens to us.

    I will let you all know what happens.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB

    This is very touching. I don't think my sons friends even care to acknowledge my son any more. He has simply burnt too many bridges.

    I hope this goes very well.
     
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  3. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Colleen. I think this is wonderful, I always pray for my son to have others come into his life and make the impact that I don't seem to have.
    Good influences, people that care, that's what we all need. I hope this at least makes him realize that he's not fooling everyone and that many are concerned about his welfare. Prayers.
     
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  4. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    That is so meaningful. Young people
    keeping a struggling old friend their business. And that your son sewed that legacy. And that they are involving you.

    Even if he’s not well right now, he’s blessed.
     
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  5. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I didn’t sleep much and not sure how I will putnine foot I front of the other today... I also have a little guy at school in crisis who may be taken from his adoptive family and out back in care so my nights and days are full of stress and worry....

    Last night I got a call that we needed to come and get our son as his roommate felt unsafe with him and there was a lot of conflict. Husband went over and found out roomatew was hysterical, the girl whose car he crashed was still there, her parents had shown up... etc... husband said it was high drama and told
    Son to come home with him. I guesss roommate is heavily using and seizured the night before. Son came home and has classes today.

    According to the friend who called me Son has been using sleeping pills regularly and some other benzo type drugs on weekend.

    We aren’t telling him about tonight of course but it will be a challenge to get it all worked out. And this will be after a very stressful day at work..... where I am bit, kicked and punched regularly by my little one who is in full blown crisis. God help me today
     
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  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB
    I am thinking of you and ilnkwnirnis so very difficult ro be back in the throws of the never ending saga.

    I am struggling to go through self help books on Codependency. I struggle because I created 2 Colums on side was definin words of codependency amd the other was defining works of parenthood. 85% of the words or more are the same. Where do we find the balance of being a good parent and not being a codependent enabeling parent. This is a real struggle.

    I am sorry your son is back sliding. This is a painful experience. It is not a good sign that he has surrounded himself with drug users.

    I am hopeful that the intervention makes an impact on him.

    We parents must finds a way to balance love, parenting and detachment.

    When our children are young this is very difficult especially when drug use has stunted their maturity.

    Be kind and good to yourself today. Please try to find even 5 minutes to focus on catering yourself in a peaceful way.

    Keep us posted on how things go.

    Warm hugs.

    :grouphug::grouphug:
     
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  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    I am also very touched that your son's sober friends still care. My son lost all his sober friends a long time ago. You really can't expect them to stick around someone that is not moving forward in their life or destroying themselves. I get that.

    Also now you know the truth; that you son never stopped using. I know that many of us walk around in a daze because we think they are using but we're just not sure. I now realize that if we THINK it, it is so. Our gut instincts don't lie.

    Good luck with the intervention. I SO HOPE that your son embraces the fears of those that love and care for him.

    Please let us know how it goes!
    :staystrong:
     
  8. Southern51

    Southern51 New Member

    I hope he takes this opportunity and uses it to make some real changes in his life. I hope he understands just how lucky he is. Like others wrote, it’s not common for the sober friends to stick around. Take care.
     
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  9. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Colleen. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you today. Prayers.
     
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  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Prayers going up Colleen. Sigh. I hope that your son will listen to his childhood friends and make a move towards finding his potential. I hope for respite for you, work sounds incredibly stressful.
    When it rains, it pours.
    On another note, it is awesome that your sons friends would rally and try to help him see the light.
    Take it one breath at a time with no expectations.
    That is how I have found more peace with living with this.
    Hope, with no expectations.
    (((HUGS)))
    Leafy
     
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  11. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I am in awe of the young people who are my sons friends. They took this on and I couldn’t be more grateful. The first thing they did was sit down with me and tell me everything they knew. Some of it wasn’t a surprise and some of it was disturbing. They confirmed he was still dealing and that some of the people he was involved with were dangerous. They told me he had been trying to step away but the dealers were telling him he had debts he needed to pay ... etc. They also had gone down to our mental health agency and talked to someone about how to do an intervention.
    When he finally showed up they were amazing. The first thing g they did was apologize to him for not doing it sooner. Wow.

    These young poeple have all moved on from where my son is, doing masters degrees, working etc... they are wonderful young people. They told him they loved him and how he had been there for them in past years and how much they appreciated his support in the past. They went on to say what they were seeing happen to him. He responded emotionally but he was grateful and said he knew he was not in a good place and he was surrounded by “shitty” people. They offered to be there for him and even mapped out what his next 24 hours would look like and how they would help. The evening even ended with them all laughing and telling stories from high school and his first year or two of university. The friend whose house it was at is our best friends who Son has grown up with. My husband and friends Dad coached the boys for ten years in hockey. And we travel with the couple regularly. The Mom, one of my closest friend, even told him how he was there for her son in early high school when he was depressed and helped him make friends and was his constant and how forever grateful she was.

    He came home with us. His roommate is unstable and calling him constantly about how my son has worried him so much he has started using drugs and is suicidal ( long story but after talking to this boy on the phone he is an addict with major emotional concerns who says his parents want nothing to do with him) I advised he go to a hospital. He is not healthy for my son at this time.

    Today he went into school, spoke to his guidance counsellor then had a doctors appointment to talk about his concussion and his sleeping pill addiction, and the benzos. Apparently the benzos are not regular but he did use Xanax on weekend. He has been using sleeping pills howwver.

    His friends took over and accompanied him to mental health and an addiction counsellor. They kept him for the afternoon and brought him to me at supper time. It was such a relief having them help and it not being just my husband and I. Whatever happens I will be forever grateful for these amazing young people in my sons life.

    We are taking it a day at a time. He is going to go to school tomorrow, my aunt is going to take him, as I go so early and my husband is out of town today. He thankfully because os the support I got yesterday was able to still go on his business trip. He has canceled so many trips due to son and this was a huge blessing.

    My little one at work yesterday needed me to sit on the floor and just rub his back for over an hour and I think I may have benefited just as much as he did. My heart is breaking for this wee boy who has no one to love him right now and it makes me so grateful for all the ones who love my son. I have to be this little ones advocate right now and because of the support I am getting for my son I can be. I was able to be at work and know my son was with people who really loved him. How blessed am I?

    Today is a new day... I am scared ... oh so scared. But I am hopeful. And grateful.
     
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  12. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    I am following along Colleen. Thank you for sharing.
    I am thankful for this situation and hold you all in thoughts and prayers.
    Keep us posted.
    The new day ... Ka la hou
     
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    My Dear CB;

    The love of a mother that runs so deep is what scares us all.

    You are truly so insightful to appreciate- regardless of the outcome- what these friends are attemting to do. That takes such deep compassion and love.

    I have had a rough day and your post has made me hopeful.

    For today it is a blessing of a Viialge to help. Hold tight to that hope.
     
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  14. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Wow, Colleen. I am just going to bask in the stories of your recent days. How incredibly comforting. And then you turn around and pay it forward?

    Maybe rabbit holes become fox holes, when there are people in it with you.
     
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  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Amazing story Colleen.

    I do hope that your son can turn this around. I do hope that my son can turn this around too.

    Wonderful that the little boy got what he needed from you that day. So sad.
     
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  16. Southern51

    Southern51 New Member

    This is such a hopeful start. I’m praying he’ll be able to use all this to make lasting changes. Until then, it’s one day at a time. Take care.
     
  17. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Son has decided to move Home. We are good with this as he can’t pay rent if he isn’t dealing, and we don’t want him dealing. He seems sincere and wants to do well in school. This is the first time he has gotten this far in five years. He hasn’t finished a semester since his first one way back before the drug use.

    We are explaining that we will not in any way turn a blind eye to any drug use or dealing.

    His roommate is not ok and needs to go to detox or rehab. He is not someone son can or should live with.

    We are taking it a day at a time. Living at home again scares us and it should. However he is trying to get clean and I want to support that. He is not violent or rude. The only time he is ever rude is when he is using..... so I am pretty intuitive when he is. I am seeing him making better decisions even the last few days. He has been staying home more, not so anxious to get away. The only time he is out of the house is at school or with his friends who are supporting him.

    We are trying to be hopeful but cautious.
     
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  18. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB fear news and I am rooting for the best of intentions and outcomes.

    Our boy is home as well same scenario as you.

    My PTSD is ramping up. It’s the weekend. We have not made it through a weekend in over 2 years.
     
  19. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    LBL

    I get it.... weekends scare me too. He is sitting at home with us tonight watching Netflix, but at some point he will go out again.... that’s when it gets scary.

    I am trying to just enjoy the time and not project.... it’s not easy.

    Today I also found out my students adoptive family is placing him back in care. I can’t even imagine the terror and rejection he is feeling. Knowing my son has a loving family and friends makes me thankful and hopeful.
     
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  20. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh I am so sorry for this little fellow. How difficult some lives start out.

    My son is with his new and clean friend but I am still as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.

    I will learn to appreciate the moments also.

    Enjoy this present moment.