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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 726403" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. You said you adopted him. I adopted many kids but two older ones and especially one had Reactive Attachment Disorder.</p><p></p><p>It's very common in non infant adopted kids, especially if they were tossed around a lot very young or in orphanages and they tend to learn not to trust anyone early on. They become focused on their own survival and not willing to care about others...they are both afraid and unfamiliar with nurturing at an early age whenost babies get it. So they are different.</p><p></p><p>Some experts feel the hardwiring in their brains change and they can be aloof, uncaring to dangerous. It is a spectrum. Often it is misdiagnosed. Lies (crazy ones even when caught), refusal to follow rules,hyperness, acting unloving/being unloving or just faking love to get something, sometimes sexual acting out, eating disorders, food hoarding, drugs, anger, just general negative behavior (some not so serious and sometimes very serious) are red flags. There are many.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how old your son was when you adopted him, the circumstances of why he was put up for adoption, or if he has attachment disorder or not, but you may want to read up on it and see if it resonates.</p><p></p><p>If it does, you will much more deeply understand him. It won't change him, but it could change how you see or treat him. DNA also is big and in play here. He has 50percent his bithfather and 50 percent his birth others genetics and environment can only change so much.</p><p></p><p>If you don't want him home due to his behavior, you are taking care of yourself and the others, not abandoning him. Many kids and adult kids are sadly so off the rails that they can not live in a family setting. But they are still loved and not forgotten. </p><p></p><p>One my kids was way too dangerous to live in a family and killed two dogs and molested my littles (all whom were adopted, but my infant adoted kids are just normal kids and he hurt them. He left and we never could risk him back).</p><p></p><p> Attachment disorder can be much milder where they just don't attach to us in a parent/child way and they act out angrily and have a diminished conscience. All of this happened before you met him and is not your fault, if he has this, but if the other kids fear him I wouldn't let him back home for even a day. Does he hurt or steal? You need to protect the girl. You can keep seeing him in crowded public places where he can't steal or harm. Or use the internet in your house for porn.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if this helped or if he was adopted as an infant, which tends to cause close attachment, or older....and if he was neglected or abused or both. I just am very in touch with the adoption world and was in a huge, frank,supportive adopted group for a very long time and older adopted kids or those that came from orphanages or foster care tended to have a very rocky road (along with their parents).</p><p></p><p>You know your son best and you are a much better judge of whether or not he will be okay at home for ten days. I just wanted to throw out possible insight into your son, if it applies and that is something only you know if you read about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). My infant adopted kids are very bonded...we are incredibly close. They are great kids, now adults. The two we adopted older have many challenges. Huge difference. I thought love would cure all. Wow. It can't.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, you didn't ask for nor do you need a lecture so I will step down now. I hope it works out, whatever you decide and that the Marines is good for him. One of my Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) son's would have excelled in the military. The other would have been thrown out because he wouldn't have followed rules. He didn't do rules. He was the molester.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs.i am not usually up so late but I worked until 12:30 am. So I saw this and had to respond.</p><p></p><p>Take what you need and leave the rest <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> We don't judge.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 726403, member: 1550"] Hi. You said you adopted him. I adopted many kids but two older ones and especially one had Reactive Attachment Disorder. It's very common in non infant adopted kids, especially if they were tossed around a lot very young or in orphanages and they tend to learn not to trust anyone early on. They become focused on their own survival and not willing to care about others...they are both afraid and unfamiliar with nurturing at an early age whenost babies get it. So they are different. Some experts feel the hardwiring in their brains change and they can be aloof, uncaring to dangerous. It is a spectrum. Often it is misdiagnosed. Lies (crazy ones even when caught), refusal to follow rules,hyperness, acting unloving/being unloving or just faking love to get something, sometimes sexual acting out, eating disorders, food hoarding, drugs, anger, just general negative behavior (some not so serious and sometimes very serious) are red flags. There are many. I don't know how old your son was when you adopted him, the circumstances of why he was put up for adoption, or if he has attachment disorder or not, but you may want to read up on it and see if it resonates. If it does, you will much more deeply understand him. It won't change him, but it could change how you see or treat him. DNA also is big and in play here. He has 50percent his bithfather and 50 percent his birth others genetics and environment can only change so much. If you don't want him home due to his behavior, you are taking care of yourself and the others, not abandoning him. Many kids and adult kids are sadly so off the rails that they can not live in a family setting. But they are still loved and not forgotten. One my kids was way too dangerous to live in a family and killed two dogs and molested my littles (all whom were adopted, but my infant adoted kids are just normal kids and he hurt them. He left and we never could risk him back). Attachment disorder can be much milder where they just don't attach to us in a parent/child way and they act out angrily and have a diminished conscience. All of this happened before you met him and is not your fault, if he has this, but if the other kids fear him I wouldn't let him back home for even a day. Does he hurt or steal? You need to protect the girl. You can keep seeing him in crowded public places where he can't steal or harm. Or use the internet in your house for porn. I don't know if this helped or if he was adopted as an infant, which tends to cause close attachment, or older....and if he was neglected or abused or both. I just am very in touch with the adoption world and was in a huge, frank,supportive adopted group for a very long time and older adopted kids or those that came from orphanages or foster care tended to have a very rocky road (along with their parents). You know your son best and you are a much better judge of whether or not he will be okay at home for ten days. I just wanted to throw out possible insight into your son, if it applies and that is something only you know if you read about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). My infant adopted kids are very bonded...we are incredibly close. They are great kids, now adults. The two we adopted older have many challenges. Huge difference. I thought love would cure all. Wow. It can't. At any rate, you didn't ask for nor do you need a lecture so I will step down now. I hope it works out, whatever you decide and that the Marines is good for him. One of my Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) son's would have excelled in the military. The other would have been thrown out because he wouldn't have followed rules. He didn't do rules. He was the molester. Love and hugs.i am not usually up so late but I worked until 12:30 am. So I saw this and had to respond. Take what you need and leave the rest :) We don't judge. [/QUOTE]
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