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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 726432" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Why are you wanting to punish yourself and your other kids by having him come back to your home for ANY length of time? I would simply tell him that it won't work out to have him come back to your home and that he needs to go straight into the military. </p><p></p><p>He is NOT coming home to see you. He is coming home to see friends and to get back at you for locking him up for a year. He may not actually be planning to go into the military. You have no way of knowing what his true plans are. With ASPD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), he may or may not do will in the military. It depends on how much control he has. Personally, the idea of him in our military scares me. He couldn't even live in a home and now he thinks he should have control of weapons? He isn't going to do well in the military.</p><p></p><p>When he is kicked out of the military because he won't want to follow their rules (it isn't all running around shooting and killing), are you going to let him come back to your home? I strongly recommend that you do NOT. In fact, I recommend that you do not ever allow him to come and stay at your home. He will only steal from you and hurt you.</p><p></p><p>He has not attached from you. He does not like you. He does not want to spend time with you. Why exactly are you thinking that it is a good idea to inflict him upon your household again? You gave him the best opportunities and the most love you could. Now it is time to realize that he just isn't wired this way. Let him go. Do NOT let him come home.</p><p></p><p>Keep him away from your home for the other children. I am willing to bet that once he is away from your home and you are not allowing him to come back for any reason, they will tell you things. They will tell you things that he did to them that will flat out terrify you. They didn't tell you because he threatened them. They believed him. They won't tell until they are pretty sure he won't come back. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids can be that scary. So can ASPD people. </p><p></p><p>If you cannot cut him out of your home for yourself, PLEASE do it for your other children. Tell the school to tell him that he cannot come home and he needs to change his military entrance date to reflect that as you will not be providing a place for him to live or a way for him to get home. You don't want him on your property in that time as it is not healthy for his siblings to see him at this time. You must do what is in their best interests as they are minors. </p><p></p><p>You actually DO have to do what is in their best interests as they are minors and he will be an adult. Your protections is owed to your minor children first. He is a threat to them. What did he do to get sent to the school? Who will he take revenge on? </p><p></p><p>I know I sound very dire, but this isn't a safe situation to be putting yourself or your children in. You won't have many legal protections over him as he will be an adult. He can even go and legally purchase a gun while he is at your home, at least if you live in most states where you only have to be 18. Do you want him to be in your home with a weapon? Alone with your other children with a weapon? You cannot take the weapon away from him because he is a legal adult with the constitutional right to bear arms. You can say that he cannot have it in your home, if you are aware that he has a weapon. You do have to take his word that he doesn't have a weapon. You cannot go and search his things because he is a legal adult who does not live with you. </p><p></p><p>Why would you want to put your children in this kind of miserable situation in their own home? Even if your oldest comes home and behaves perfectly, his presence will trigger their PTSD in every way. It isn't like it was on vacation near his school. He will be in the home where he made them miserable for years. It will trigger all sorts of horrible memories (you only are aware of a fraction of what went on. It is the nature of parenting.) for them. If his sister couldn't handle seeing him away from the house, HOW can she handle seeing him near the house?</p><p></p><p>You say he has no real feelings or connection to you. Your daughter is normal and is connected to you. Why would you stomp all over her traumatized heart in order to let him connect with friends and probably steal from all of you? If you let him come home, you are risking any progress your kids have made in dealing with what they went through living with him. You are putting his wants above their needs, which doesn't seem fair.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 726432, member: 1233"] Why are you wanting to punish yourself and your other kids by having him come back to your home for ANY length of time? I would simply tell him that it won't work out to have him come back to your home and that he needs to go straight into the military. He is NOT coming home to see you. He is coming home to see friends and to get back at you for locking him up for a year. He may not actually be planning to go into the military. You have no way of knowing what his true plans are. With ASPD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), he may or may not do will in the military. It depends on how much control he has. Personally, the idea of him in our military scares me. He couldn't even live in a home and now he thinks he should have control of weapons? He isn't going to do well in the military. When he is kicked out of the military because he won't want to follow their rules (it isn't all running around shooting and killing), are you going to let him come back to your home? I strongly recommend that you do NOT. In fact, I recommend that you do not ever allow him to come and stay at your home. He will only steal from you and hurt you. He has not attached from you. He does not like you. He does not want to spend time with you. Why exactly are you thinking that it is a good idea to inflict him upon your household again? You gave him the best opportunities and the most love you could. Now it is time to realize that he just isn't wired this way. Let him go. Do NOT let him come home. Keep him away from your home for the other children. I am willing to bet that once he is away from your home and you are not allowing him to come back for any reason, they will tell you things. They will tell you things that he did to them that will flat out terrify you. They didn't tell you because he threatened them. They believed him. They won't tell until they are pretty sure he won't come back. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids can be that scary. So can ASPD people. If you cannot cut him out of your home for yourself, PLEASE do it for your other children. Tell the school to tell him that he cannot come home and he needs to change his military entrance date to reflect that as you will not be providing a place for him to live or a way for him to get home. You don't want him on your property in that time as it is not healthy for his siblings to see him at this time. You must do what is in their best interests as they are minors. You actually DO have to do what is in their best interests as they are minors and he will be an adult. Your protections is owed to your minor children first. He is a threat to them. What did he do to get sent to the school? Who will he take revenge on? I know I sound very dire, but this isn't a safe situation to be putting yourself or your children in. You won't have many legal protections over him as he will be an adult. He can even go and legally purchase a gun while he is at your home, at least if you live in most states where you only have to be 18. Do you want him to be in your home with a weapon? Alone with your other children with a weapon? You cannot take the weapon away from him because he is a legal adult with the constitutional right to bear arms. You can say that he cannot have it in your home, if you are aware that he has a weapon. You do have to take his word that he doesn't have a weapon. You cannot go and search his things because he is a legal adult who does not live with you. Why would you want to put your children in this kind of miserable situation in their own home? Even if your oldest comes home and behaves perfectly, his presence will trigger their PTSD in every way. It isn't like it was on vacation near his school. He will be in the home where he made them miserable for years. It will trigger all sorts of horrible memories (you only are aware of a fraction of what went on. It is the nature of parenting.) for them. If his sister couldn't handle seeing him away from the house, HOW can she handle seeing him near the house? You say he has no real feelings or connection to you. Your daughter is normal and is connected to you. Why would you stomp all over her traumatized heart in order to let him connect with friends and probably steal from all of you? If you let him come home, you are risking any progress your kids have made in dealing with what they went through living with him. You are putting his wants above their needs, which doesn't seem fair. [/QUOTE]
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