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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 711306" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>For me, I wouldn't be quick to assume you know what your friend is thinking or what her reasons may be. People can be very peculiar and unthinking at times, but it doesn't always indicate they have selfish motives. Perhaps open up a dialogue with your friend and share your feelings with her letting her know you find her actions off putting but would like to give her the benefit of the doubt by trying to understand her actions. </p><p></p><p>It read to me as if her choices may revolve around finances and if so, folks are often not willing to share that information because it brings up so many feelings about our worth, so they cloud it all with odd choices that may be hard to understand.</p><p></p><p>People can act in strange and sometimes hurtful ways, however it often has nothing to do with me, it is their own idiosyncratic way of handling life. If we can communicate about it, quite often when all the feelings are on the table and true listening occurs, I can understand why someone behaved in a particular way. I may not like it, but I can understand it.</p><p></p><p>Your story reminds me of an incident years ago when I was in Greece, where standing in line and waiting your turn is not part of their cultural behaviors. I was quite judgmental and in fact, righteous about it, thinking that we Americans are so much more polite and mannerly. I talked to a Greek gentleman about it and he told me that he judged Americans for what he considered to be idiotic behavior to wait in line when you could push your way to the front. After a moment of staring at him as if he had 3 heads, we both started to laugh. In that moment I saw clearly that had I grown up in Greece, I would feel exactly the way he did and I let the whole thing go. It was a cultural difference. It ended up being a lesson for me in how I judge others and make assumptions when I don't have all the information.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if your friend was trolling for gifts or what her reasons were, but she may not have the same sense of manners and courtesy that you have. You may have very different attitudes and feelings about invitations, manners and what the right thing to do in this situation is, but it doesn't necessarily mean one of you is wrong, it is just different. However, you may ultimately decide that her actions are not in line with your sensibilities and the hurt or weird feelings that are brought up by your friends behaviors are not the kind of energy you want in your life.</p><p></p><p>I lean in the direction of the old school thinking that mof mentioned, I like manners and being polite and etiquette, however, all of that has really shifted in recent years and folks often don't have the same respect for etiquette, they handle it differently. </p><p></p><p>It's a sticky situation for sure. I am a believer in direct and honest communication but you have to have both parties interested in finding a bridge to stand on which can create a win/win.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with it Nomad and let us know what you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 711306, member: 13542"] For me, I wouldn't be quick to assume you know what your friend is thinking or what her reasons may be. People can be very peculiar and unthinking at times, but it doesn't always indicate they have selfish motives. Perhaps open up a dialogue with your friend and share your feelings with her letting her know you find her actions off putting but would like to give her the benefit of the doubt by trying to understand her actions. It read to me as if her choices may revolve around finances and if so, folks are often not willing to share that information because it brings up so many feelings about our worth, so they cloud it all with odd choices that may be hard to understand. People can act in strange and sometimes hurtful ways, however it often has nothing to do with me, it is their own idiosyncratic way of handling life. If we can communicate about it, quite often when all the feelings are on the table and true listening occurs, I can understand why someone behaved in a particular way. I may not like it, but I can understand it. Your story reminds me of an incident years ago when I was in Greece, where standing in line and waiting your turn is not part of their cultural behaviors. I was quite judgmental and in fact, righteous about it, thinking that we Americans are so much more polite and mannerly. I talked to a Greek gentleman about it and he told me that he judged Americans for what he considered to be idiotic behavior to wait in line when you could push your way to the front. After a moment of staring at him as if he had 3 heads, we both started to laugh. In that moment I saw clearly that had I grown up in Greece, I would feel exactly the way he did and I let the whole thing go. It was a cultural difference. It ended up being a lesson for me in how I judge others and make assumptions when I don't have all the information. I don't know if your friend was trolling for gifts or what her reasons were, but she may not have the same sense of manners and courtesy that you have. You may have very different attitudes and feelings about invitations, manners and what the right thing to do in this situation is, but it doesn't necessarily mean one of you is wrong, it is just different. However, you may ultimately decide that her actions are not in line with your sensibilities and the hurt or weird feelings that are brought up by your friends behaviors are not the kind of energy you want in your life. I lean in the direction of the old school thinking that mof mentioned, I like manners and being polite and etiquette, however, all of that has really shifted in recent years and folks often don't have the same respect for etiquette, they handle it differently. It's a sticky situation for sure. I am a believer in direct and honest communication but you have to have both parties interested in finding a bridge to stand on which can create a win/win. Good luck with it Nomad and let us know what you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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