Irritated FOR husband

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    husband's company does a lot of activities for morale. One thing is that all employees are divided into groups that are not of people they work directly with, so that they meet new people. These groups have a certain budget that they are SUPPOSED to spend every quarter.

    They organize things like Laser Tag, bringing in bfast or lunch, a hockey game, etc....

    One of the guys that is a bigwig who husband does presentations for has kept him from the Christmas gathering (he brought food and set it up early am and didn't even get to go get ANY food - by the time this guy let them have lunch it was 3 and all the food that the groups bought (hams and turkeys) was wrapped up and already delivered to the homeless!) . today they had a hockey game.

    I need husband to go pick up prescriptions for me on his lunch hour. It is important. This bigwig will buy them lunch and then they are required to work through lunch. EVERY time the guy comes in to town. And htey have NO notice that he is coming. Or how long he is staying.

    He is very crabby if one of them has to leave to do something with/for family. he is even crabbier if they want to go to one of these company events. ALL managers are REQUIRED to let people go to these events. But this guy just won't do it.

    He keeps saying he will give them awards ($$$ that husband can get in gift certificates), but they only come through about 1 out of 4 times he says they have earned them.

    husband says very little to him about this. Their group leader is often out of town on personal business and she refuses to say anything to the guy. It makes me sad because I see husband putting on weight because he is sitting in a room all day and cant even go walk on his break or go to an event he basically pays for (is considered part of his benefit package, or salary package).

    It bugs me when husband won't stand up for himself and he is miserable. Just bugs me. he works SO hard, and does so much for this guy.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Guy sounds like a real jerk. I'd be mad for husband, too :(
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like an episode of "The Office" ... but this is not funny.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Ah...corporate life.

    Sounds like this fellow is the proverbial toxic boss, and more than a bit of a control freak.

    I can understand your wanting husband to stand up for himself. But, there are some significant disadvantages to doing so...

    If husband stands up for himself with this sort of boss, the boss will find a way to make him pay for it later, either with worse working conditions, loss of a plum assignment, or some other thing.

    If the boss is getting results, then the company exec is not likely to do much about it either. They're too far removed from the daily grind of people's jobs to see what's happening. If the manager's bottom line looks good in the quarterly reports, then the exec aren't interested in making changes.
    A few strategies to think about...

    Can husband transfer to another department where he doesn't fall under this boss's responsibility?

    Does husband have a unique skill that no one else in the company have, one that's valuable to the company? Often, "star players" are given a lot mroe leeway with what they can get away with, because the boss can't get things done without them.

    Can husband take on a project that will get him noticed by other departments? If he gains some visibility and is seen as a star player, some other non-toxic manager might just want to snap him up.

    Sorry that your husband is having to deal with this Susie. It's a horrible situation to be in, and often the only solution is to grin and bear it, and quietly look for an exit door.

    Sending hugs to you and your husband, and a brickbat or two to the Toxic Boss.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The sort of upside to this is that this guy actually has to FLY IN from some other area to be this demanding. He used to just call on very long conference calls, but they have some big proposals coming up.

    husband DOES have some specialized skills. He and 2 other people are in proposal development. They work with people all over the country. As the company is a computer outsourcing one (a major one), people who can have that sort of creativity to be GOOD at communications and proposal development are rather a rarity (co pretty much only hires programmers.)

    Hopefully this guy will go away for a while or husband's big boss will realize what is going on - because she DOES stand up to a lot of people to set limits for her people. It is part of what makes them such a productive and profitable location for the company.

    husband won't stand up to this. He just won't. Which in some ways is a good thing, in some not.

    Thanks for understanding and letting me gripe. This is the same bigwig that couldn't understand why husband wanted to get home before 11 on thank you's birthday and on Wiz' birthday.
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    What a PITA!

    I wonder why your husband's boss hasn't stood up to this buffoon yet?
    Maybe she has a strategy up her sleeve? Or maybe she's been too busy to notice what a drain this person is on her good people.

    Well, here's hoping they send the dude far far away somewhere on a long project that will keep him too busy to get up your husband's nose for a long time.

    Gripe away, Susie. Dilbert is more reality than joke sometimes...
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know I worked for a man like that for 7 years. I made good money working for him, the time I was hired he had gone through so so many people that demanded raises to stay in his employ and save him the hassle of hiring someone new and hoping they could do the job to his level of perfectionistic need - I walked into a decent paying job. I also demanded raises for the same reason.

    Working with type A's is hard. Working FOR them in nearly impossible if you take things on a personal level. I would come home EVERY night EVERY single night and WAIL for an hour or more to DF about this jerk. DF being a protective man wanted to just go poke him in the eye. I would say no no no - I need the job. I'm a woman and it's my genetic make up to whine about work. I need the release I need to uncap the vent.

    Men don't do this - most of them turn inwards and do like your husband is doing and remain a silent and miserable person and he'll continue to absorb the hostility. (Hence the weight gain) - In essence what you are dealing with is a bully. I feel like the economic crisis and recession /depression we are in has ALSO allowed bosses to be even more of a donkeys kiester. For one they are stressed out just as much if not more than those that work for them because they know IF they don't do a good job not only are they out of work but their employees are out of work. Going to bed each night and thinking about the families, wives, husbands and children of your employees isn't easy. Still not an excuse, but someone needs to find some middle earth with this Atilla and smack him with a mud pie.

    Even my boss now, is pretty even tempered. His sister is a Downs kid and he has a little more patience with people than I've seen in a while, but when you stick loosing a business in his face vs. me being 10 minutes late because I overslept due to taking a Flexeril? OMG - last year boss? Nice, no problems....This year boss? 20 questions.

    I've told people that in a way the recession has helped me because it's made me re-evaluate my life, spending habits and how I allow people to treat me. I stopped working the second job ONLY because I wasn't being treated nicely. Even when I got a BIG HUGE 30 minute apology - my mind was already made up and I think my counselor would have been proud of me for sticking up for myself and saying "Thanks but naught ah - you had a chance to treat me nice, you didn't, and now you can work without me."
    ---They would still hire me back today - and I could use the extra dough - but not at the cost of not standing up for me. For one of the first times in my life - I said "NOPE - you don't get to say that and take it back."

    I hope your hubby finds a way to renegotiate his contract. If he's supposed to get these perks? He should get them. The biggest shame here is that supervisor woman - If she's that intimidating and won't help her employee (your husband) then I wouldn't want to work for her either.

    Maybe the "key" is to put husband out there on line say at or something and just let him toy with the idea of a company romancing him and his mad skillz. (like that eubonics play on words huh? Huh?)

    Otherwise - I would chalk it up to job security and the economy - and your husband worrying about you and the kids and doing whatever it takes right now to make sure you are all provided for. Even if that means working with a jerk who couldn't see a good employee if he stepped right on him and used him for a door mat.

    Hugs - hang in there.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star, you make excellent points.

    The reason his big boss hasn't corrected the problems is because the direct supervisor has a sis with cancer and has been out of state frequently - and husband won't tell that she is going to other places and calling it FMLA so getting extra paid time off. The big boss is in the process of being named head of the center officially - she was just a "temporary director" when she hired everyone. Now she is even higher than director and has been trusting the supervisors. When seh has time to realize what is going on she will stop it. It just takes her a while.

    Thanks for understanding my frustration.