Irritation level rising...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child #1 moved in with my son, her step dad after graduation. She had a part time job, but hours kept getting back. We helped her a couple of times with gas/food money to survive until the next check. And she did pay back the first few times. Now has different job, more hours, better wages.

    About a month ago, we loaned her $35, plus helped her get a new phone. She wasn't able to pay us anything two pay checks ago. Then, car son can fix it this weekend...and she can buy the parts ($200) as she just got paid two days ago. And we have been driving her to work for the last week...and picking up... As my son has mainly been spending most nights at his girlfriend house. Plus he goes to work before Difficult Child gets off work. Do they cant car share.

    But, I picked her up today to drop at a friends house...and she had enough money to have her belly button pieced! Plus she had to wear low rise shorts and cropped top to show it off.

    Then, to make matters worse, bragged about how she had given the two kittens a bath...the two kittens she rescued because a friend wanted them. But, of course that fell thru so now she has them. Why did they need a bath? Fleas!

    And this is the property we helped DS buy last year. I was fine with DS having a cat, one cat, that was adopted from the humane society. That had had his shots and neutered.

    I am not a happy camper. I am ticked that a belly button piercing is more important than paying your bills. That three cats are now residing in this property, that neither DS or Difficult Child are home enough to take care of things. And Fleas.

  2. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Oy, on the fleas. And, if you don't get an exterminator out to deal with the fleas in the house, you won't get rid of them.

    A pair of cats/kittens is actually a better idea than just one, but under the circumstances, per her agreement with-you, she should've taken the babies to the humane society.

    The belly-button piercing? Sounds like teen stuff. She's old enough tat she should be able to plan ahead when it comes to money.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am done helping... Buying gas and milk and bread and lunch meat...we told her when she first borrowed money that it was important to repay first. That we would be more willing to help in the future. But no. A belly button piercing is more important. I need to talk to DS about the fleas... KSM
  4. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Good. Cutting her off financially was something I was thinking of suggesting.

    There are all sorts of household flea-bombs, sprays, etc you can buy, but the stuff the exterminators use is safer for pets, lasts longer, is kinder to the environment, and safer for humans as well.

    I have no clue what a belly-button piercing, done by a licensed operator, costs in your area (or my area). The only piercings I have are my ears and they were done when I was much a party with alcoholic anesthesia.
  5. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    What's up with the piercing and these adult children? And Tattoos...I'm not anti....but get job, pay our own insurance, cause if it's infected, I'm not responsible.

    Fleas not funny...but I will be honest...I emitted a giggle.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    :groan:I don't blame you for not being a happy camper.

    If your son continues to want to help her there is nothing you can do about that but if it were me and she asked for $$$ I think I would tell her "you should have thought about that before you spent money on getting your belly button pierced"

    Hopefully bathing the kittens took care of the fleas.

    So sorry for your frustration.
  7. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Yup, I would cut her off, too. Next time she needs money tell her to return her piercing. LOL, no, seriously, I would just tell her that the last time you helped her out she repaid you by getting her navel pierced, so there will be no next time.

    Also, pets are an expense, so that was another non necessity she spent your money on.

    Is public transportation an option? Because if it is, in any way I would stop driving her, or suggest she find alternate transportation.
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    A pet may or may not be a necessity. While not "service animals", my 2 cats do contribute to my emotional well being.

    They do mean that there's less money for me to spend on me, and now that they're getting older and it's time for the big health problems to start..Thomas already has his issues, and I'm thinking of dropping his mediclal ins because the latest renewal had a long list of age and breed related illnesses excluded that it's nearly useless.

    Thomas,in all honesty, is an "emotional support animal". Squeaky makes me laugh.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree. My dogs are very comforting for my anxiety and make me feel safe. it would affect my mental health if I had no pets.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think you have a good plan in place.
  11. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I think, though, in KSM's case her Difficult Child did not even intend to have keep these kittens herself, she "inherited" them from a friend for whom they were originally adopted. They aren't therapy animals, and Difficult Child, obviously, can't afford them, because if you can't afford to feed yourself, you can't afford to properly care for pets

    I have a dog (avatar) and I am a HUGE animal lover. I think pets deserve a loving home in which they can be appropriately loved and cared for. My last vet bill was $300+ between vaccines, chip, and heartworm/flea medication. Pets are, by no means, an inexpensive undertaking.
  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She has a history of "finding" pets. In the last year and a half she bought a pit bull puppy even when we told her we did not want a dog. She made a contCt online, spent $150 and some lady dropped it off to her at a convenience store parking lot. We rehomed him. It broke my heart, but I know who would have been taking care of the dog!

    Then 6 month later, she spent $200 (lied about taking money from her savings for school clothes) but instead of buying clothes she bought a husky puller, which she got a friend to keep. Then after a few months, the puppy was sick from just eating table scraps, and she got my husbands dtr to "keep it" just long enough so she could find it another home...or she could get her own place. That was 10 monthis ago! Except for paying to have the dog neutered, she hasn't paid for any of his food.

    Needless to say, my step dtr and husband now consider this their dog. And at least it is well taken care of. She just doesn't grasp the time, energy and money involved in caring for a pet.

  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Shortly after we shacked up together, husband to be was out dumpster diving, and heard a tiny *mew* coming from a garbage bag. He ripped it open and found 4 dead 3 week old kittens and one VERY much alive female gray and white kitten.

    Needless to say, he brought her home. That was my first exposure to having a cat as my dad had been allergic. We raised her, but she was the runt of the litter, only weighing 4.5lbs when fully grown, and didn't have a strong immune system.

    Shortly after we shipped to Germany, she caught a respiratory virus not covered by US vaccines, and died of secondary CNS damage.

    Were we stupid to take on that cat? Likely yes. But, we did manage to keep he and us fed properly, thoough admittedly, there were times we went hungry while little Norn never did.
  14. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    She obviously loves animals. Our shelter here has a volunteer opportunities, you sign out an animal and spend time with it. I have a friend who spends her lunch hour sitting with them...especially if it is the day they are put down...many pit bulls don't make it.

    I have thought an animal program in these recovery homes would be awesome...wish I had a team to make it happen.

    No, she can't keep doing it. She obviously has no respect for money...some don't get it. I had to work so hard for what I had....I pray our children get a healthy money outlook too.

    I think I would congratulate her on her pay, compliment her new ring, and say your proud she doesn't need your assistance.... passive aggressive perhaps.....
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I'm coming up on getting clobbered on vet bills as well. Both cats will be needing their vaccinations. Both need dentals. Thomas needs his gunky left ear professionally cleaned out. No infection or mites, it just gunks up. I clean it regularly, but periodically it gets beyond where I can handle it on a household level. With the dentals, assuming no extractions are needed, I'm looking at the vet visits costing around 650 each, depending on what, if any,, blood work has to be done.

    And that's routine maintenance stuff.

    Then you get Thomas'colon blockage due to megacolon and an ER visit and spending the night getting enemas , and winding up on laxatives for the rest of his life. That ran about 500.

    His "mystery vomiting" episode, where he got horribly dehydrated, his electrolytes got so out of whack that his heart and renal function were affected, and he ran a 106 fever and had to be put on an ice mattress.

    That, with the 4 day hospital stay and never figuring out what was wrong with Thomas, cost me 1200 dollars.

    Squeaky's only had 2 majors. One was the surgery to remove her deformed, blind eye. 800 dollars there. That was expected. Her other? Flagrantly blowing a jump and tearing a muscle in her right hind leg. All of us thought Squeaks had broken her leg, and she was so uncooperative about the whole thing that the vet wound up knocking her out to do x-rays and a thorough exam. 400 dollars there. Not planned for.

    Luckily, I have very good credit and credit cards with open lines of credit. But yeah, pets are expensive, especially as they start to get older. Add in special diets and it adds up quickly.
  16. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Oops, auto correct. Husky puppy!

  17. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Husky puppies are adorable, and the adults are pretty cute as well. I just can't get past all the "talking" htey do. Plus, they need to be constantly entertained and need a LOT of exercise.