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General Parenting
is easy child a difficult child or victim?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 608557" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I too would consider therapist for him. And definitely making sure he gets quality alone time with both parents away from stress at home.</p><p></p><p>But still, be very careful in always seeing him a victim and your difficult child being one in blame. Kids are extremely good at noticing if there is a 'family scapegoat' and taking an advantage. It's totally normal but it is not good for the kid, who learns to manipulate parents and putting blame to someone else. Always being a 'good child' and feeling superior to your sibling is not good for character development.</p><p></p><p>We have had some of that dynamic in our house. Our easy child is younger than out difficult child and very easy child, really a super kid that tends to be good at everything. And it is so very easy to go with an assumption that when something goes wrong, it is always difficult child's fault (because most times it is) and easy child is a victim or unwilling/coerced/deceived accomplice. And if the easy child in that situation is even a little bit smart, they tend to take it and run. Not a good dynamic for anyone! </p><p></p><p>We tried to avoid that, therapists we worked with warned us about it and we tried to be aware. Now that our boys are older and difficult child has been out from house almost three years, it is obvious that still a lot of that was going on. And it is not too pretty. Looks very ugly on easy child at times and if our difficult child wouldn't be quite accomplished in the art of forgiveness (and have quite low self-worth, he thinks it is his fault), would be a big problem in our family relationships.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 608557, member: 14557"] I too would consider therapist for him. And definitely making sure he gets quality alone time with both parents away from stress at home. But still, be very careful in always seeing him a victim and your difficult child being one in blame. Kids are extremely good at noticing if there is a 'family scapegoat' and taking an advantage. It's totally normal but it is not good for the kid, who learns to manipulate parents and putting blame to someone else. Always being a 'good child' and feeling superior to your sibling is not good for character development. We have had some of that dynamic in our house. Our easy child is younger than out difficult child and very easy child, really a super kid that tends to be good at everything. And it is so very easy to go with an assumption that when something goes wrong, it is always difficult child's fault (because most times it is) and easy child is a victim or unwilling/coerced/deceived accomplice. And if the easy child in that situation is even a little bit smart, they tend to take it and run. Not a good dynamic for anyone! We tried to avoid that, therapists we worked with warned us about it and we tried to be aware. Now that our boys are older and difficult child has been out from house almost three years, it is obvious that still a lot of that was going on. And it is not too pretty. Looks very ugly on easy child at times and if our difficult child wouldn't be quite accomplished in the art of forgiveness (and have quite low self-worth, he thinks it is his fault), would be a big problem in our family relationships. [/QUOTE]
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is easy child a difficult child or victim?
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