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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 687267" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Walrus, I get it, I mean I really get it. You can only take so much before you go completely numb and feel nothing. I was there a few years back. I could have cared less if I ever heard from my son again. I truly believe we go into a "self preservation" mode.</p><p>For me, enough time passed where I had no contact with my son. It was a little over a year. I completely shut him out. The only way he could reach me was via my cell phone or FB. He did text me a few times, I did not respond. He called a couple of times and I did not respond. I completely blocked him from FB.</p><p>I really needed that time recharge myself. He was just so ugly, hateful and manipulative towards me and it sucked the life force right out of me.</p><p>What changed was he called my husband and told him how sorry he was for all the ugly things he had said to me and understood if I never wanted to talk to him or see him again. He asked my husband to tell me this. Of course when husband told me this my response was "if his lips are moving, he's lying" but something in me softened. Each time my son would text or call he would have to borrow someone's phone and I knew that was not an easy thing for him to do. He has a Kindle tablet that he can access FB from whenever he has access to free wifi. I unblocked him from FB and within a few weeks he sent me a private message and that act told me that he must have kept checking to see if he was still blocked. His message was basically telling me he was sorry. Like you, I will forgive and I told him that but I did tell him just because I forgive you does not mean I will forget how you treated me.</p><p>I came to realize that I do love my son but I do not like him and that's ok. I highly doubt that I will ever be able to trust my son. To be quite honest, I do not even know where he is and I don't want to know. He reached out to me a week or so ago, you know, same ole song and dance of "my life sucks, I've got no one" I replied that I was sorry to hear it and wished him well but I did not ask him where he was. I have learned to not ask any questions.</p><p>My analogy of this is; it's like someone who has been severely burned over most of their body and they are left with horrible scars. The scar tissue has no feeling but the nerve endings that lie deep below the scars still do. You can still feel something but it's not the same. You might feel "itching" but when you scratch that "spot" you feel nothing.</p><p>My son has left me completely scarred and those scars will never go away.</p><p>I don't know if that makes sense to you but it does it my head.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't believe this for a minute.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 687267, member: 18516"] Hi Walrus, I get it, I mean I really get it. You can only take so much before you go completely numb and feel nothing. I was there a few years back. I could have cared less if I ever heard from my son again. I truly believe we go into a "self preservation" mode. For me, enough time passed where I had no contact with my son. It was a little over a year. I completely shut him out. The only way he could reach me was via my cell phone or FB. He did text me a few times, I did not respond. He called a couple of times and I did not respond. I completely blocked him from FB. I really needed that time recharge myself. He was just so ugly, hateful and manipulative towards me and it sucked the life force right out of me. What changed was he called my husband and told him how sorry he was for all the ugly things he had said to me and understood if I never wanted to talk to him or see him again. He asked my husband to tell me this. Of course when husband told me this my response was "if his lips are moving, he's lying" but something in me softened. Each time my son would text or call he would have to borrow someone's phone and I knew that was not an easy thing for him to do. He has a Kindle tablet that he can access FB from whenever he has access to free wifi. I unblocked him from FB and within a few weeks he sent me a private message and that act told me that he must have kept checking to see if he was still blocked. His message was basically telling me he was sorry. Like you, I will forgive and I told him that but I did tell him just because I forgive you does not mean I will forget how you treated me. I came to realize that I do love my son but I do not like him and that's ok. I highly doubt that I will ever be able to trust my son. To be quite honest, I do not even know where he is and I don't want to know. He reached out to me a week or so ago, you know, same ole song and dance of "my life sucks, I've got no one" I replied that I was sorry to hear it and wished him well but I did not ask him where he was. I have learned to not ask any questions. My analogy of this is; it's like someone who has been severely burned over most of their body and they are left with horrible scars. The scar tissue has no feeling but the nerve endings that lie deep below the scars still do. You can still feel something but it's not the same. You might feel "itching" but when you scratch that "spot" you feel nothing. My son has left me completely scarred and those scars will never go away. I don't know if that makes sense to you but it does it my head.o_O I don't believe this for a minute. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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