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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 687268" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I am damned if I do, damned if I don't. I have never enabled her. I have always set boundaries and conditions. When I agree to help and set conditions, I don't "trust or believe in her." When I agree to help as long as I see progress and stop when progress stops, I "judge her and don't love her as she is." When I refuse to help at all because I don't agree with what she is doing, I don't "support her decisions." </p><p></p><p>When I try to have a relationship, she is hateful and vicious the second I don't say what she wants to hear or give in to her. When I don't, she does what she can to betray me or manipulate behind my back. Either way, the world gets the wicked mother story no matter what I do. </p><p></p><p>I went to her because she almost died and there was no one else. She had burned all bridges. I am not the only one she does this way - she views people like Kleenex: use when needed and throw away. I am the one who has always eventually let her back in. I think that and being her mother is why I get it the most. If she were not my daughter, I would never tolerate her behavior from anyone else. </p><p></p><p>I don't need to forgive her. How can you forgive someone for WHO they are? I accept this is her. I need to forgive myself for feeling nothing. At this moment, I could go the rest of my life and never speak to or hear of her again. I just feel done. I want nothing to do with her in any capacity. I am tired of the feelings she gives me whenever we have contact: fear, guilt, shame, obligation, embarrassment, hurt, frustration... I couldn't tell you the last positive emotion I felt or when. The mere mention of her drags up feelings of dread and, "What now?"</p><p>I know people can change, but she gets progressively worse in her "changing," not better. At times, I feel in my heart she enjoys what she does, like it is a game and when she can "get one over" or "get one in" on someone, she feels she is winning. It is the most twisted thinking I have ever personally experienced. I know some people suck, but she is a vacuum.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 687268, member: 19905"] I am damned if I do, damned if I don't. I have never enabled her. I have always set boundaries and conditions. When I agree to help and set conditions, I don't "trust or believe in her." When I agree to help as long as I see progress and stop when progress stops, I "judge her and don't love her as she is." When I refuse to help at all because I don't agree with what she is doing, I don't "support her decisions." When I try to have a relationship, she is hateful and vicious the second I don't say what she wants to hear or give in to her. When I don't, she does what she can to betray me or manipulate behind my back. Either way, the world gets the wicked mother story no matter what I do. I went to her because she almost died and there was no one else. She had burned all bridges. I am not the only one she does this way - she views people like Kleenex: use when needed and throw away. I am the one who has always eventually let her back in. I think that and being her mother is why I get it the most. If she were not my daughter, I would never tolerate her behavior from anyone else. I don't need to forgive her. How can you forgive someone for WHO they are? I accept this is her. I need to forgive myself for feeling nothing. At this moment, I could go the rest of my life and never speak to or hear of her again. I just feel done. I want nothing to do with her in any capacity. I am tired of the feelings she gives me whenever we have contact: fear, guilt, shame, obligation, embarrassment, hurt, frustration... I couldn't tell you the last positive emotion I felt or when. The mere mention of her drags up feelings of dread and, "What now?" I know people can change, but she gets progressively worse in her "changing," not better. At times, I feel in my heart she enjoys what she does, like it is a game and when she can "get one over" or "get one in" on someone, she feels she is winning. It is the most twisted thinking I have ever personally experienced. I know some people suck, but she is a vacuum. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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