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Parent Emeritus
Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687305" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the idea of forgiveness is really not the point here except with respect to self-forgiveness, which I believe is the point.</p><p></p><p>Every single thing she says about you is ludicrous. Nobody would ever believe it who was not already motivated to think badly about us, for some reason or another. </p><p></p><p>I have realized that a lot of parents suffer with their kids. It seems to be all too common to try to think the next Mom is worse than I am, and heap on. These people need to be disregarded and hopefully distanced. You know this. I know this. People are not all that nice usually. Forgive yourself.</p><p>Walrus, I believe you would tell me that this is my fear, guilt, shame, hurt, embarrassment. That there has to be an openness to being triggered so as to feel this way.</p><p></p><p>You seem to be pretty well-defended with every other person accept her. Why? Because she is your child and you are her mother. I believe evolution must have prepared us for this utterly painful dynamic that seems to have run amok for each of us.</p><p>I am repeating myself here. When is enough to give ourselves permission to protect ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We feel it as abandoning them. It is not. It is moving aside to as not to be battered. It is OK to decide to not be battered. Is it not?</p><p>I believe she well may. But that does not mean she always will nor does it mean that she truly now has the where with all to truly understand what she is doing. TL has a thread now questioning if they, our kids, really understand what they put us through. I do not believe they do. </p><p></p><p>But still. This does not mean we must submit. Your daughter is doing anything and everything in her power to hurt you. Why? We do not know. You know you are not the only one. Is it or is it not a reasonable thing to remove yourself from this hurt?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687305, member: 18958"] I think the idea of forgiveness is really not the point here except with respect to self-forgiveness, which I believe is the point. Every single thing she says about you is ludicrous. Nobody would ever believe it who was not already motivated to think badly about us, for some reason or another. I have realized that a lot of parents suffer with their kids. It seems to be all too common to try to think the next Mom is worse than I am, and heap on. These people need to be disregarded and hopefully distanced. You know this. I know this. People are not all that nice usually. Forgive yourself. Walrus, I believe you would tell me that this is my fear, guilt, shame, hurt, embarrassment. That there has to be an openness to being triggered so as to feel this way. You seem to be pretty well-defended with every other person accept her. Why? Because she is your child and you are her mother. I believe evolution must have prepared us for this utterly painful dynamic that seems to have run amok for each of us. I am repeating myself here. When is enough to give ourselves permission to protect ourselves. We feel it as abandoning them. It is not. It is moving aside to as not to be battered. It is OK to decide to not be battered. Is it not? I believe she well may. But that does not mean she always will nor does it mean that she truly now has the where with all to truly understand what she is doing. TL has a thread now questioning if they, our kids, really understand what they put us through. I do not believe they do. But still. This does not mean we must submit. Your daughter is doing anything and everything in her power to hurt you. Why? We do not know. You know you are not the only one. Is it or is it not a reasonable thing to remove yourself from this hurt? [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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