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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 687310" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I think we are, too. I feel no need inside of me to "forgive" her for who she is. I don't have any feelings of anger or spite. But in your "literal" meaning, no, she has never apologized or even shown a change of behavior that wasn't temporary and motivated by something to gain. In that way, yes, I have not forgiven her - and cannot at this point "risking" (as SWOT put it) a relationship because I don't believe she is sorry for her actions and therefore, she will continue in her pattern.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is what it is - falling "out of love." I will always love that spunky two year old and brilliant 10 year old, but the girl I knew is gone. Through a combination of bad choices, bad influences, drugs...she is gone. It is aptly called "estrangement" because it feels so strange, so alien, to not have that overwhelming love for her and need for her in my life that I once did.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Every. Single. Time. She will wipe her feet all over me, disregard me and have no contact with me for months and months, and saunter back in acting like nothing happened and she just talked to me yesterday - always when she needs something. She has always been the one to cut off contact, walk away until she wants something, even if it is just to sting me with her venom. This is the first time that I can honestly say that if, when, she contacts me that I don't want it. Normally, it would send me into a, "How do I react?" feeling. This time, I don't want to react. I don't want the contact, whenever or however it comes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No one who knows me believes a word and her "friends" are all people who have never met me - so she can spin any fairytale she pleases. It is just so foreign to me to do that to anyone, much less family, your mother. I do not understand anyone who feels the need to blame others for their lives or situations.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>She abandoned our relationship a long time ago. I don't know if it is the actual realization of that, or that I am finally allowing myself to say "ok" and stop fighting it. I just never thought it would feel so...nothing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 687310, member: 19905"] I think we are, too. I feel no need inside of me to "forgive" her for who she is. I don't have any feelings of anger or spite. But in your "literal" meaning, no, she has never apologized or even shown a change of behavior that wasn't temporary and motivated by something to gain. In that way, yes, I have not forgiven her - and cannot at this point "risking" (as SWOT put it) a relationship because I don't believe she is sorry for her actions and therefore, she will continue in her pattern. That is what it is - falling "out of love." I will always love that spunky two year old and brilliant 10 year old, but the girl I knew is gone. Through a combination of bad choices, bad influences, drugs...she is gone. It is aptly called "estrangement" because it feels so strange, so alien, to not have that overwhelming love for her and need for her in my life that I once did. Every. Single. Time. She will wipe her feet all over me, disregard me and have no contact with me for months and months, and saunter back in acting like nothing happened and she just talked to me yesterday - always when she needs something. She has always been the one to cut off contact, walk away until she wants something, even if it is just to sting me with her venom. This is the first time that I can honestly say that if, when, she contacts me that I don't want it. Normally, it would send me into a, "How do I react?" feeling. This time, I don't want to react. I don't want the contact, whenever or however it comes. No one who knows me believes a word and her "friends" are all people who have never met me - so she can spin any fairytale she pleases. It is just so foreign to me to do that to anyone, much less family, your mother. I do not understand anyone who feels the need to blame others for their lives or situations. She abandoned our relationship a long time ago. I don't know if it is the actual realization of that, or that I am finally allowing myself to say "ok" and stop fighting it. I just never thought it would feel so...nothing. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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