Is it for Me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by WoolyEyed, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. WoolyEyed

    WoolyEyed New Member

    My girl is in a foster home tonight. I work 12 hour days and spent the last three weeks driving around at night trying to find her. She's not the same girl I knew and I'm confident she's using drugs.

    I know I can't, but I feel like quitting. Three weeks of crying at night wondering if she was ok and to finally find her with the look of contempt on her face when she saw me was crushing. Going between exhaustion and feeling nothing.

    If this is the right place, please let me know, or maybe there is someplace else that is better suited for me.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    (((Hugs))) Many of us have been there, including me. I cried enough tears to fill a lake. If your daughter is close to 17, you may want to post on Parent Emeritus too, which is parents of grown kids, but many of us with older kids understand only too well.

    Welcome to the board. Sorry you have to be here. Would you like to tell us more about how your daughter got to this point? My daughter started using drugs at twelve years old for a variety of reasons. We had no idea she was doing it since hub and I never used drugs and were clueless. We just thought she was taking the teenage bit over the edge.

    Eventually, we know and, yes, we would drive the streets at night looking for her, on top of reporting her to the police hoping THEY could find her for being out after curfew. Stick around. Lots of good people are here. Does she have a diagnosis?
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome. We're all here for different reasons but there are enough people here with experiences like yours, for you to find good advice here.

  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Woolyeyed and welcome.

    Not much is more terrifying than not knowing where your child is. My son ran from home only a couple of times, and never for more than a couple of hours, but the fear of the unknown was just awful. When he turned up, I was torn between wanting to hug him forever and wanting to punish him because of the heck he put us through. He took off quite frequently during his last year in placement and after a while, I just got numb to it - the fear was still there but... I could only ride that rollercoaster just so often before I had no emotion left to get worked up.

    I think it's good news that she is in a placement now. Let them handle her, and you can work on recovering emotionally. Self-care is important when we're raising challenging kids.

    When you're ready, can you tell us a bit more about her? How old is she? How has she done in school/at home? Does she have any diagnosis (depression, ADHD, bipolar, etc.)? How long will she stay in foster care?

    A gentle hug to you and, again, welcome!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome. If you have a difficult kid, then you are in the right place. Lots of us here have dealt with out of home placements and drugs and just feeling like we dont like our kids right now. It happens. We dont judge. Some of us have made it to the other side of the dreaded teen years and are still alive and Thats where most of us hang out on the Parent Emeritus board.