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Family of Origin
Is it normal to feel nothing for abusive family members? (good advice here)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 673998" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Pasajes4, consider yourself lucky. I did bond with my family as a child. The emotional pulling away happened slowly and bit by bit in middle age and after. Every time Sis called the police on me or got upset at me for trite reasons and didn't contact me for months I loved her less and less. Bro moved to the East right after college...I d idn't see him much after he moved and then when he strangely got close to my Sis, who had mistreated him something awful, I felt even more aloof from him. My kids have not seen bro more than three times, if that and Sis has not been in their lives either. And my mother didn't see any of my kids after my daughter Princess was six...I don't think I saw her once after my grandmother died when I was 37.</p><p></p><p>At this point in my life, I just feel nothing for Sis, Bro and Mom (other than the mild resentment). I am better off now, regarding FOO, than ever. And I'm sure they feel the same about me. After my very serious car accident, neither bro nor sis contacted me. My father sent flowers in their name and Sis made a lame attempt to contact my daughter Princess by text when Princess was sitting in Surgical ICU with me, but daughter didn't answer. I mean, she tried, b ut, according to her (Sis), only to please my elderly father who wants us to be bosom buddies. Brother never even tried.</p><p></p><p>I feel very distant from all of them, even father sometimes because he talks to them so I have to be careful what I tell him because I don't want certain news being spread. But I love my father very much. He does not buy the abuse they are trying to sell him.</p><p></p><p>I always thought not loving your FOO makes you "baaaaaaaaaaaaad." But I think it is helpful in certain situations. Like yours. Like mine.</p><p>j</p><p>Since they are the ones who initiated the shunning, not me, I don't even feel a twinge of sometimes guilt. It was their call...and, in the end, a good one for me.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you can bond with your babies. I can bond with people who care about me...I care about them right back easily. But I can un-bond easily too, which I believe is, in my case, a good thing or I'd never get over my abusive years with FOO. I was also a baby who did not want my mother to hold me and she blamed ME, an infant...lol. Maybe I sensed something even at that young age. I wouldn't let her hug me as a toddler. I'd push her away.</p><p></p><p>I wonder why. My mother had told me many times, "When I first held you in the hospital, everyone told me I'd love you, but I felt nothing...absolutely nothing." I personally t hink those are words you should take to your grave, but she told me this many times. Maybe it was mutual.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 673998, member: 1550"] Pasajes4, consider yourself lucky. I did bond with my family as a child. The emotional pulling away happened slowly and bit by bit in middle age and after. Every time Sis called the police on me or got upset at me for trite reasons and didn't contact me for months I loved her less and less. Bro moved to the East right after college...I d idn't see him much after he moved and then when he strangely got close to my Sis, who had mistreated him something awful, I felt even more aloof from him. My kids have not seen bro more than three times, if that and Sis has not been in their lives either. And my mother didn't see any of my kids after my daughter Princess was six...I don't think I saw her once after my grandmother died when I was 37. At this point in my life, I just feel nothing for Sis, Bro and Mom (other than the mild resentment). I am better off now, regarding FOO, than ever. And I'm sure they feel the same about me. After my very serious car accident, neither bro nor sis contacted me. My father sent flowers in their name and Sis made a lame attempt to contact my daughter Princess by text when Princess was sitting in Surgical ICU with me, but daughter didn't answer. I mean, she tried, b ut, according to her (Sis), only to please my elderly father who wants us to be bosom buddies. Brother never even tried. I feel very distant from all of them, even father sometimes because he talks to them so I have to be careful what I tell him because I don't want certain news being spread. But I love my father very much. He does not buy the abuse they are trying to sell him. I always thought not loving your FOO makes you "baaaaaaaaaaaaad." But I think it is helpful in certain situations. Like yours. Like mine. j Since they are the ones who initiated the shunning, not me, I don't even feel a twinge of sometimes guilt. It was their call...and, in the end, a good one for me. I'm glad you can bond with your babies. I can bond with people who care about me...I care about them right back easily. But I can un-bond easily too, which I believe is, in my case, a good thing or I'd never get over my abusive years with FOO. I was also a baby who did not want my mother to hold me and she blamed ME, an infant...lol. Maybe I sensed something even at that young age. I wouldn't let her hug me as a toddler. I'd push her away. I wonder why. My mother had told me many times, "When I first held you in the hospital, everyone told me I'd love you, but I felt nothing...absolutely nothing." I personally t hink those are words you should take to your grave, but she told me this many times. Maybe it was mutual. [/QUOTE]
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Is it normal to feel nothing for abusive family members? (good advice here)
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