Is it normal to feel this lost/dazed/confused?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KierstenNiChol, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. KierstenNiChol

    KierstenNiChol New Member

    Hi! I'm new here (found this site with an MSN Live Search), and am so glad to have found you all!

    Our family was dumped into the abyss mid-December when difficult child DS told me if he had access to a handgun, he would "put it to my temple and pull the trigger." Wow, talk about a wakeup call! Immediately called suicide "helpline" (not much help, though); now have him in group counseling, individual counseling, caseworker meeting weekly, and parent support for husband and I.

    husband (step-dad) is doing his best to deal, but leaves most of the details up to me. daughter is hanging in there--I keep checking with her to make sure she's okay. DS seems to be doing better, though I can't help but wonder if this is the calm before the next storm. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm thisclose to losing it completely. Trying to keep track of all the appointments, assessments, people, agencies, paperwork, etc., is so hard! I'm scared to death I'm going to forget something, lose something, or otherwise mess up and cause us to lose our state aid.

    Guess my question is, am I normal to be this confused/befuddled/lost, or am I just in waaayyyy over my head?
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Sorry, you're normal.

    Sorry also, must of us feel in way over our heads too often. In fact, one of our member's screen name is justkeepswimming.

    I had no clue I needed so many talents to raise my son: be a mom, quasi-attorney, quasi Occupational Therapist (OT), quasi psychologist, quasi physician, quasi speech-language therapist, quasi neuropsychologist, teacher, advacate, behavioral specialist, diagnostician, record keeper, and many that don't come to mind right this minute.

    Grab ahold and hang -- we won't let you drown.:D

    One things for sure, though, I'm rarely bored. lol
  3. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    KNC: Welcome. I vote yes too. This is your child that you love and these are conditions that are not the predators,and dangers that we usually are prepared to survive. No one ever gave me the fyi on what to do if your child tells you they have access to a gun and plan to use it. Or how to make life good while living with a depressive illness suffered by any family member.
    I hope you find a support group springs up to help you each step of the way.
    This site is a comfort for alot of people. I am glade you found it. Most important you are seeking the sources to meet your families needs now.
    Take time to make sure you have other resourses as well just for you and your husband during this time. yes it is important that you find what you need for your children. And the mental impact on your lives is also vital. You have the emotional need to greive your desperate situation as it is and to come to grips with this seperate from the care and treatments you are bringing to meet your childrens needs. You need to have supportive safe people you trust close to you who are prepared to hear your pain and to offer relavent input to help you through this moment.
    And some of these people you may not have met yet. Use your phone as well and find out what and who you can turn to for what ever you need to have heard said. There are caring supportive people and it is ok to look and gather as needed.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes to both quesstions!! It is normal for all of us, no matter how long we have been dealing with our difficult children to feel lost, confused, alone, bemused, befuddled, aghast, angry, useless, etc., or a combo of one or more at a time. There are also many instances where we are in over our heads. Our knowledge level cannot include all the information we need to help our kids deal.

    What do we do? We wake up every morning, put one foot in front of the other and keep going. We love these kids and we seek out professionals to help them and support from other parents (like this site) to help us.

    The love we have for our kids, both difficult child and easy child, is what drives us to keep on plugging no matter the fear or the feelings of loss, etc.

    You reacted immediately with your son and got him in treatment. You did the best for your son. Take solace in that and keep strong. We call ourselves warrior moms around here. Sometimes we have to don our armor to deal with our kids so that we can stay strong and focused. Glad you have joined our ranks.

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kiersten, considering that I'm operating on just a few hrs of sleep, and am still recovering from my difficult child's latest explosion (last weekend), I can offer a resounding YES.
    You forgot to add exhaustion to your list. :)
    Is your son on any medications at the moment? Is the counseling helping? Is he being cooperative?
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Yup, pretty much. On any given day I can have 2 or 3 mtgs scheduled for one tweedle or the other. My calendar will have a couple of weeks of quiet & then many weeks of "chaos".

    I've learned to take my laptop or PDA with a keyboard to mtgs to keep my records straight; it was like taking dictation. I'd go home & sort out my notes.

    I think it's the norm for a parent of any ill child to feel in over your head. It's the love that can get in the way of doing our "job", so to speak.

    Welcome & keep coming back; we can get you thru your day or at the very least help you to stay sane.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome--

    If you are feeling emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed--then you are in very good company here. It is also probably a sign that you are doing your very best to be a good parent to your children.

    Hang in there...we're here for you!

  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    Fo rme, t is part of the shock/greif process. NAMI is helping lots. They are on the web (support group for those who love a mntally ill person.)I post and hang out on this fourm daily.
    Along with the jobs, I have epxerinced being a private detective (she has run away many times and sitll spins so I have to track so much), attorney (legal system involvment occureed this July), secuirty officer, I often feel I am running a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in my own home, casemanager, encourager, coach. Oh, I just wanted to be a mom:) Compassion
  9. KierstenNiChol

    KierstenNiChol New Member

    Wow, thank you all so much for your understanding and support! I have been feeling so alone . . . its nice to find people who understand.

    We haven't tried any medications yet--I feel we need to get to the bottom of what is causing his anger before we try to medicate. Right choice? Only time will tell. But, I'm learning quickly that I must trust my instincts as his mom; no one knows my little boy like I do!!

    Our counselor is wonderful. She has met with all four of us, as well as meeting with K. by himself. He seems to respond well to her, which is a relief for me. We had him in "anger management" counseling a couple of years ago (biodad's request), and it seemed they were more interested in counting to ten and hoping the feelings would go away than they were in finding the root of the problem.

    Biodad is another issue I'm having. He was supportive at first, saying threat of suicide is nothing to play around with. Since, however, he hasn't had anything to do with the process; hasn't even asked how our son is doing! I'm so frustrated with him I have to bite my tongue frequently to keep from verbally bashing him in front of the kiddos. Finding out last night at counseling that my son doesn't have these angry/frustrated outbursts at his dad's didn't help, either. One of those "ouch! am I really a good mom?" moments.

    I am so glad to have found this site!!!!! Now if I can only sustain the energy to drop by once or twice a day for some encouragement!