Is Lady Ga Ga
- Thread starter klmno
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
If nothing else...order one online. They come fast!
Star*
call 911........call 911
I think your heart is in the right place.....But From one Mom to another - let him pick his own GaGa....MaMa. 
I had a few thoughts rolling around my head, I wanted to share with you before difficult child gets home. Some of it is just flat-out one Mom to another, and may or may not be welcome advice. I'll preface this by saying if I had not been where you are, and if I didn't care? I wouldn't say a word. Keep that in mind.
First of all - I was going to tell you that a teens room is their haven. Even if he's suggested you decorate it for his return I see problems. If it was his suggestion that you do it for him? He's controlling you already. If he didn't? Then you're controlling him. Sounds harsh, but - if he's asking you to fix up his room for his return he's controlling you already. He was where he was for a reason. Just returning to his home to his room, in whatever shape it's in should be more than good enough for him. Later on? If he EARNS the money for posters, decorations, a cool bed spread? THEN take him out and get him those things that he's EARNED. If he works for them and pays for them himself? Even better?
For you to go out and pick and choose what goes on his walls without him asking I think is a two-fold problem, or could be. One? If he doesn't like what you've picked? How does he tell you when he takes it down? That could cause make for an uncomfortable conversation to start. Money spent, down the drain, feelings could get hurt. Secondly? If he didn't ask you to pick these things for him; in a way you're telling him - This is what you will like, you'll like what I tell you to like, in my house, on my walls, I'm in control. Not that it's what you meant. We have to remember that a teenager is just a child we raised who is now a complete stranger in a semi-adult suit thinking they are older than we are who makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Nothing we do is going to be good enough, right enough, smart enough almost all of the time. Then someday when they are in their mid 30's (we hope) we once again become geniuses. For all you know? He may want pictures of Rhiana, Akon, Young Jeezy, 50 Cent, or Death Metal, black lights, and red curtains, or WWF posters, Monster trucks & Race cars, Camouflag and deer heads. If you have teenagers figured out? You had better write a book and make money now. (then share it with us) lol.
What I DO think? I think what's important in this situation is that you recognize that he's not coming home from college, or military camp. He's coming home from jail. What behavior of HIS put himself there to begin with? Did he learn from it? Has he missed his home? Is home good enough? Does it need to be any more special than when he left to make it someplace he wants to come back to? Has he worked hard to earn the right to be there? Will he continue to do the things he needs to do and keep the behaviors he needs to have to STAY there? With or without the decorations - is that where he wants to be? How badly?
See I know your heart is saying - If I fix it up, and make it special for him, it will show him I love him. Thing is klmno - Home already IS special,you already love him, and just by allowing him to come home, it shows him you love him. Laying down some written rules and consequences would be a real good start to a solid foundation for you both this time around.
If you want to do something nice for him? Lay out the ground rules. As far as the room goes? Let him earn the things - And go from there.
Hope this helps.
Hug & Love
Star
Hugs & Love
Star
I had a few thoughts rolling around my head, I wanted to share with you before difficult child gets home. Some of it is just flat-out one Mom to another, and may or may not be welcome advice. I'll preface this by saying if I had not been where you are, and if I didn't care? I wouldn't say a word. Keep that in mind.
First of all - I was going to tell you that a teens room is their haven. Even if he's suggested you decorate it for his return I see problems. If it was his suggestion that you do it for him? He's controlling you already. If he didn't? Then you're controlling him. Sounds harsh, but - if he's asking you to fix up his room for his return he's controlling you already. He was where he was for a reason. Just returning to his home to his room, in whatever shape it's in should be more than good enough for him. Later on? If he EARNS the money for posters, decorations, a cool bed spread? THEN take him out and get him those things that he's EARNED. If he works for them and pays for them himself? Even better?
For you to go out and pick and choose what goes on his walls without him asking I think is a two-fold problem, or could be. One? If he doesn't like what you've picked? How does he tell you when he takes it down? That could cause make for an uncomfortable conversation to start. Money spent, down the drain, feelings could get hurt. Secondly? If he didn't ask you to pick these things for him; in a way you're telling him - This is what you will like, you'll like what I tell you to like, in my house, on my walls, I'm in control. Not that it's what you meant. We have to remember that a teenager is just a child we raised who is now a complete stranger in a semi-adult suit thinking they are older than we are who makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Nothing we do is going to be good enough, right enough, smart enough almost all of the time. Then someday when they are in their mid 30's (we hope) we once again become geniuses. For all you know? He may want pictures of Rhiana, Akon, Young Jeezy, 50 Cent, or Death Metal, black lights, and red curtains, or WWF posters, Monster trucks & Race cars, Camouflag and deer heads. If you have teenagers figured out? You had better write a book and make money now. (then share it with us) lol.
What I DO think? I think what's important in this situation is that you recognize that he's not coming home from college, or military camp. He's coming home from jail. What behavior of HIS put himself there to begin with? Did he learn from it? Has he missed his home? Is home good enough? Does it need to be any more special than when he left to make it someplace he wants to come back to? Has he worked hard to earn the right to be there? Will he continue to do the things he needs to do and keep the behaviors he needs to have to STAY there? With or without the decorations - is that where he wants to be? How badly?
See I know your heart is saying - If I fix it up, and make it special for him, it will show him I love him. Thing is klmno - Home already IS special,you already love him, and just by allowing him to come home, it shows him you love him. Laying down some written rules and consequences would be a real good start to a solid foundation for you both this time around.
If you want to do something nice for him? Lay out the ground rules. As far as the room goes? Let him earn the things - And go from there.
Hope this helps.
Hug & Love
Star
Hugs & Love
Star
klmno
Active Member
Star, your opinion is always welcome! 
But be advised - I'm not fixing up his room! With two exceptions (not including buying him a minimal amount of clothes that are being given as gifts but that I think I'm legally required to provide for him)- his room is going to be just as he left it- ok, I will wash the sheets and make his bed. LOL! The two exceptions are that he needed a lamp - he has no overhead light and the lamp he had broke- I honestly don't know if it was his doing or not. I found one at walmart on clearance sale for $3 and I bought it. And the other exception is covering this horrible spot- which is just as much for me as him. There are still signs of his explosions in the house that won't be covered up simply because I can't afford it yet. The chair I sit in at the comp[uter, where I was when he pulled the knife on me, has a stab cut in it- I guess he must have done that when I went out of the house before his brain came back and he posted here for advice. There is a big hole at the bottom of the stairway- it reamins exposed. Etc.
So rest assured, this boy isn't getting a re-do in his bedroom- he gets a $3 lamp, his bed clean and made, and a poster to cover signs of mental illness- which I admit is as much for me as him. I'll make an effort to get something he likes because otherwise the $5 is wasted- but if he doesn't like it, you bet he'll pay to replace it. I'm not that far off from where you are- I just might need to catch up a little because I'm just now muddling through it and you have already been there done that! Right?? LOL!
But be advised - I'm not fixing up his room! With two exceptions (not including buying him a minimal amount of clothes that are being given as gifts but that I think I'm legally required to provide for him)- his room is going to be just as he left it- ok, I will wash the sheets and make his bed. LOL! The two exceptions are that he needed a lamp - he has no overhead light and the lamp he had broke- I honestly don't know if it was his doing or not. I found one at walmart on clearance sale for $3 and I bought it. And the other exception is covering this horrible spot- which is just as much for me as him. There are still signs of his explosions in the house that won't be covered up simply because I can't afford it yet. The chair I sit in at the comp[uter, where I was when he pulled the knife on me, has a stab cut in it- I guess he must have done that when I went out of the house before his brain came back and he posted here for advice. There is a big hole at the bottom of the stairway- it reamins exposed. Etc.So rest assured, this boy isn't getting a re-do in his bedroom- he gets a $3 lamp, his bed clean and made, and a poster to cover signs of mental illness- which I admit is as much for me as him. I'll make an effort to get something he likes because otherwise the $5 is wasted- but if he doesn't like it, you bet he'll pay to replace it. I'm not that far off from where you are- I just might need to catch up a little because I'm just now muddling through it and you have already been there done that! Right?? LOL!
Star*
call 911........call 911
Well then - I'd find a picture of some SEXY beast of a man - and tell him when he earned enough money for drywall, tape, and spackling he could take the man poster YOU liked down, and you'll both fix the hole together. Otherwise? I'd go with old school rock poster or dog as suggested. lol.
And good for you girl! I'm glad to hear you are staying strong! It's hard, hard, hard. You're doing a great job! Awesome score on the lamp too!
Keep up the good work!
And good for you girl! I'm glad to hear you are staying strong! It's hard, hard, hard. You're doing a great job! Awesome score on the lamp too!
Keep up the good work!
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Does he like national geographic? They usually have some interesting posters. husband decorated his office in topics that interest him: soccer, geology, etc.
klmno
Active Member
He'd probably love some national geographic stuff- he loves animals. Is there a place to get one quickly that doesn't cost a fortune? Right now, it looks like I might just be taking the poster out of the game room and using it in his bedroom...still, I wouldn't want to leave that hole in the game room exposed for a long period. difficult child has expressed a lot of concern that "I won't trust that he's changed". Honestly, I know he's still a difficult child but I don't want him to have to constantly see his own results after being in Department of Juvenile Justice over a year if he really is trying. The truth about his current intentions will come out soon enough, I'm sure.
Thanks Ladies- for all the ideas!
Thanks Ladies- for all the ideas!
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
K...let me see if I can find my box of NG's. I probably have some posters.
