Is ok to kick a 16 yr old son from the house?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Gwyneth1, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. Gwyneth1

    Gwyneth1 New Member

    My husband kicked my 16 yr old son from the house because he did not come home last night. I don't agree with that decision. My son has a drug problem and I went out to look for him and took him back to the house. My husband is upset and said I'm enabling my son's behavior. I just don't want him on the streets, I'm still responsible for this child. Did I do wrong?
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    No, you didn't. He is still a minor child and your responsibility. Likely legal responsibility to provide shelter and upkeep for depending where you live.

    Kicking a minor child out is not an answer. To place him out of home may be the necessity but streets are not a proper placement for a child.

    Maybe you could tell us more about your situation. There are many members who have had their teens have drug issues and are knowledgeable in how to find resources (also out of home placements if that is needed) for them.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do you live in the US? If so, it isn't legal to kick a sixteen year old out of the house. Surrender him to foster care, yes. Put him in a residential treatment center to get help, definitely. Find a drug treatment rehab and make him go as a condition of your letting him having any 'toys' at all, positively.

    But it is illegal to kick a sixteen year old out of the house here. I think you should try a few of the options I suggestion above. And, at the same time, I'd cut off his toys and refuse to sign to let him have a driver's license and NEVER let him drive if he is using drugs. It's very dangerous for him to be on the road. Provide him the bare minimum if he is refusing to get treatment. The bare essentials are a warm home and nutritious food (you don't need to give him chips). Don't give him any money. he is old enough to get a part time job or defiant enough to have to sit at home and not have the extras. We cut off our daughter w hen we found she was using. She DID get a her credit...but I'm sure some of the money she made was used for drugs. Still, that self-destructive drug use was not because WE gave her money. We didn't even like her smoking cigarettes so her allowance actually ended when we found cigarettes in her purse. Your house/your rules.

    You have two years to try to get help for him before he is legally on his own. Then, if things have not improved and he is abusive to you, stealing, violent or involved in continued criminal activitity...that is the time to discuss with him that if he refuses to change, you may have to pack his bags for his own good. Up until My #1 choice is he goes to drug rehab or he gets no cell phone, internet, car keys, money...nothing. This is a critical time to try to intervene.

    Hugs for your hurting heart and all the grief. I have been there. Most of us have. Do you have younger kids that are seeing his bad example?
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2014
  4. Gwyneth1

    Gwyneth1 New Member

    Thank you for your reply. My son has been behaving better than usual, I've notice certain change in his attitude, he even got his grades up, but last night he asked permission to go to a friend's house and he ended up leaving and spending the night without permission in another friend's house. He has ran away from home 2 times before and I think he's feeling he can do it any time he wants. I don't know what to do to prevent that situation.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When he ran away, did you call the police?

    Sometimes we really have to get tough with our kids who are self-destructing. It almost killed me, but I called the police twice on my daughter.
  6. Gwyneth1

    Gwyneth1 New Member

    We did not called the police, that was gonna leave a misdemeanor in his record. I talked to him this morning and told him that I will call police if he does it again and that I'm tired of his run away game.
  7. Gwyneth1

    Gwyneth1 New Member

    I will take away all his toys for sure this time. I don't want him to think I'm a "softly" for bringing him back home.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are NOT a softie. He is only sixteen. Unless you find somewhere else for him, he has to be allowed home. Your husband is wrong in this. Be strong though. Drug using kids are not the people they were before they started using and they will lie, steal, cheat, even swear at you or hit prepared to call the cops if there is any violence (just my me, there is zero tolerance for that). it will not help your son if you start getting tough on him and then back off because he is behaving for a few weeks. My daughter did that all the time. You want to be sure he is actually SOBER...and he will likely need treatment for that.
    Is he willing to comply with drug abuse treatment?

    Hugs to you. We are here for you...on call 24/7 :) And we understand and care.
  9. Gwyneth1

    Gwyneth1 New Member

    He agreed to attend counseling a few months ago and that helped him a lot. But since I found out he was doing drugs I don't trust him and I'm always afraid he's doing it behind my back.

    Thank soo much for your support. It feels good to discuss this situation without being judged.
  10. wg67

    wg67 Member

    I know in Canada where I live when my daughter at 16 ran away police said if they happened to see her they'd pick her up but wouldn't actively look for her. Teens can legal move out at 16 but if a parent kicks them out at 16 then as parents we are in trouble. Regardless if our 16 yr old moves out we as parents are legally responsible. A time when I stood in front of my daughter at 16 and said you are not going out to party she called police and I had no recourse to prevent her from doing what she wanted. Trying to get your teen into drug programs here is very difficult and every thing a parent tried to do to prevent teens here from going down the slippery slope the control seems is given back to the teen by child services and the parents are the bad ones...I hope and pray you have an easier time and your son is receptive to help. I agree rehab, therapy hopefully will help get your son back onto a clean and siber life. Hugs prayers things get better for your family