Is that ALL you got, kid?

[hexemaus2]

So I throw difficult child 3 out of bed. It's 2pm in the afternoon. I don't care that he stays up until 5 or 6 am because he likes the house when it's quiet and everyone else is sleeping. I simply don't care. There are things we need to do...time to get your butt out of bed, kiddo.

I literally had to yank his covers hard enough to roll him out of the bed to get him up.

He looks at me, with this evil, grumpy, half-asleep look and simply says: "Evil mother."

He's trying so hard to play off the "I'm mad and going to say something ugly to you" bit...but he just doesn't have enough meaness in him. I can't help but laugh at his attempts.

All I can do is look at him and laugh. Really? Evil mother. That's the best he can do? That's all you got, kid?

After nearly 22 years as a mom, 18 of those drenched in difficult child issues, "evil mother" is what? It's like poking a giant with a toothpick and expecting it to have the effect of a sword.

I just laugh.

"I really don't like you, ya know." He says to me.

Oh, I'm so hurt. lol. Please. I've gone toe-to-toe with a 1200lb horse, YOUR SISTER, and YOUR BROTHER, all at the same time. You, oh pipsqueak misbehaver, do not even register on my mom radar yet. You need MUCH bigger guns than "evil mother" and "I really don't like you."



Poor kid. There's absolutely no hope that he'll ever scrape up enough gfgness to get me riled, even a little bit.

 

[AnnieO]

OMG - I almost spewed soda on my work monitor - Evil mother?! LM tailfeathers off!

So... was it really, really hard to keep a straight face?!

 

[Wiped Out]

Too funny!

 

[Marguerite]

Why don't you do what I used to do? Don't go to the physical effort of yanking off covers. Save your energy. Instead, give a verbal warning at, say, 10 am. "What! Still in bed? You have ten minutes to be vertical or I get the spray bottle!"

Then at the ten minute mark, go get a spray bottle of water (I keep one for cleaning - I mist down a mirror or window and then wipe). Adjust the nozzle to 'jet'. Test it in the sink - you need a long, fine jet of water now.

Then the fun, evil bit (you want to DESERVE your label, don't you?) is, you go into his room quietly, gently ease the covers off his feet, gently ease the pyjama leg away from the ankle and direct the nozzle of the spray bottle right up the leg.

I defy anyone to stay in bed with that wet, damp feeling inside their pyjamas!

And if you REALLY want fun, invite the others in to watch! Or film it for later edification of their wives in years to come...

This really works! The sad part is, you only ever need to do it once or twice. After that, your fun is gone because they get up in a hurry to avoid you doing it again.

Oh, if he sleeps without pyjamas, aim for the ear. With the jet.

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

Keyana tells me Im being mean. Then she sits down and pouts and tells me Im not her best friend anymore, her Papa is!

All this for not being able to magically make matching socks appear right that second! She is a very proper child. One must be dressed exactly right! You have to have undies on at all times...even under your pj's. I found that out when I attempted to put her to bed one night and I couldnt find a pair...lol. She also has to have a tee shirt on under her regular shirts from November till April. This is the LAW! She couldnt figure out for the life of her why Hailie and Mikey werent wearing tee shirts. She kept trying to get Billie to go get them and dress those kids properly...lmao.

 

[hexemaus2]

Oh Marg! That's funny. I have a water cannon for just such purposes. That is one of the written-in-stone household laws. Mom's water gun must ALWAYS be the biggest, most powerful, and hold the most water. (When family disagreements reach an impass...there are two options, water guns at 6 o'clock, or pillow fight at 10 paces. lol. Mom always wins. I have the biggest gun and the best pillow fighting pillows on the planet.)

I've done the jet spray before. First the face/ears...then pretty much anything that wasn't covered by covers. That stopped working. So I went full-on and filled a pot with ice water...one of my big 5 qt pots I use for pasta and chilli. Filled to the brim. Swoosh! All over him. (He was more upset to learn that HE had to drag his mattress outside to air dry.)

Yanking the covers out from under him and rolling him out of bed was the quick way. lol. Easy too, since he sleeps in it like a cocoon. All I need is one free corner and I can have 200lbs and nearly 6 feet of difficult child on the floor with one good YANK! They may both outweigh me by 60lbs or more, and they may be nearly a foot taller than me...but I swear, I'm meaner and I play dirtier. lol.

I just love the "evil mother" part though. That had me in stitches! And he was trying sooo hard to sound mad and mean. Sad thing, as soon as I started to laugh, his dimples started to show & it was all over...hence the "I really don't like you, ya know" comment...because I made him crack a smile when he was trying sooo hard to sound mad. lol.

Poor kid...I think the mean gene completely skipped him. He just doesn't have it in him to be mean or stay mad for more than a heartbeat. It's just not in his nature. lol.

 

[HaoZi]

So you won the pillow fight that landed you in the ER, too? Wow, hate to see the other guy!

 

[hexemaus2]

lol HaoZi...yup, I even won that one. lol. I doubled over, smartin' like the dickens, and when difficult child 2 leaned down to say "OMG! Mom..you okay?" I whopped him good. Sat all 200+lbs of him squarely on his toosh and told him "No, I'm not okay. I'm mad and this hurts like he//!" lol. Hey, when you're only 5'2" and under 140lbs, up against two teenage difficult children over 5'8" and 200lbs? You can't afford to play fair. lol. Besides, hurt or not, there's no way I'd ever live it down if they managed to win one. lol.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm about the same as you height and weight-wise I think. I shall have to sit at your knee and learn more underhanded tricks, most of mine involve things that work fine on grown men, but not on difficult children of any age.

 

[hexemaus2]

lol. difficult child 2 is a little harder to knock down in a pillow fight. He's the shorter of the two (at 5'8" as of a few months ago) and he's also stockier, so his center of gravity is different. difficult child 3, on the other hand, is closer to 5'10 or 5'11 now and has long legs and narrower shoulders. He's easier to knock off balance.

I owe it all to my Sensei. He is the bomb! He always shows me little things here and there that he doesn't show the boys...just to keep the playing field level. lol. He keeps trying to get the 3 of us to spar on Fridays, but I won't do it. He won't let parents spar with their own kids...says we can do that at home...sparring is best when against someone you aren't familiar with like that. Darn it...how else am I going to beat them senseless without going to jail? We started taking karate classes together as a family activity...honest...no matter what my boys say. (They say I only wanted to go because they're so much bigger than me now that I got scared. Ha! No. I wanted to lose a few pounds...and find new ways to make them say "uncle." lol.)

 

[AnnieO]

LOL - I know how that is! 5'3 and right at 140 here... A few months back husband showed me a couple of self defense moves, and 260-lb. best friend told me they wouldn't work on him... Think I shocked him when I told him to watch for it and then took him down. (His wife, my other BFF, was rolling on the floor about that time... Then I got to show her how I did it!)

Nope. Can't play fair with difficult children. They don't!