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Is there any way I can help him without tough love
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 656249" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Each and every situation is unique. There is NO solution right for every situation, including tough love. What do your instincts tell you that he needs? I am a FIRM believer in a mother's instincts above all unless there is so much enmeshing that separation is the only healthy thing. And that is rare, and usually has addiction and criminal behavior involved. </p><p></p><p>No matter what anyone says, you are one of few experts in the subject of your son. The doctors are experts in a field of study, not in a specific patient. Your son, of course, is one expert in the field of what is best for him, but you are another. If your instincts, as one who has loved and cared for him every second of every day of his life, tell you that tough love is the wrong answer, then it is. It just IS the wrong answer. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like he needs help, therapy, medications, and support. Those don't have to be delivered via tough love. They can be delivered at home, or in his home, etc... </p><p></p><p>Please don't let anyone push you and your son into doing something that you feel deep down is wrong and will hurt him or not help him. The biggest mistakes I have made with my kids happened when I listened to some expert - a doctor, a teacher, a therapist, whomever - when my gut said it was wrong. I have a bunch of teachers and doctors who don't like me much, but I don't care. The good ones were able to accept that we were doing things my way and admit later that I was right. The rest? Well, they saw my kid for ten to fifty min every month or three. They are not part of our lives and their opinions don't matter to anyone who does matter to me. </p><p></p><p>You can tell us your story, ask for advice, insight and support. We will give you our opinions, and we will EXPECT you to take only what works for you and to absolutely NOT use any advice that does not make sense or work for your family. We have suggested many things in many situations, not just tough love, and we welcome you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 656249, member: 1233"] Each and every situation is unique. There is NO solution right for every situation, including tough love. What do your instincts tell you that he needs? I am a FIRM believer in a mother's instincts above all unless there is so much enmeshing that separation is the only healthy thing. And that is rare, and usually has addiction and criminal behavior involved. No matter what anyone says, you are one of few experts in the subject of your son. The doctors are experts in a field of study, not in a specific patient. Your son, of course, is one expert in the field of what is best for him, but you are another. If your instincts, as one who has loved and cared for him every second of every day of his life, tell you that tough love is the wrong answer, then it is. It just IS the wrong answer. It sounds like he needs help, therapy, medications, and support. Those don't have to be delivered via tough love. They can be delivered at home, or in his home, etc... Please don't let anyone push you and your son into doing something that you feel deep down is wrong and will hurt him or not help him. The biggest mistakes I have made with my kids happened when I listened to some expert - a doctor, a teacher, a therapist, whomever - when my gut said it was wrong. I have a bunch of teachers and doctors who don't like me much, but I don't care. The good ones were able to accept that we were doing things my way and admit later that I was right. The rest? Well, they saw my kid for ten to fifty min every month or three. They are not part of our lives and their opinions don't matter to anyone who does matter to me. You can tell us your story, ask for advice, insight and support. We will give you our opinions, and we will EXPECT you to take only what works for you and to absolutely NOT use any advice that does not make sense or work for your family. We have suggested many things in many situations, not just tough love, and we welcome you. [/QUOTE]
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Is there any way I can help him without tough love
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