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Is there any way I can help him without tough love
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 656290" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>No, tough love is not requirement of the board. Some people have found it a best way in their situation, or least bad way anyway, but your situation is your situation. Ideas we throw out of course reflect our experiences and some may be more fitting to your situation and some not so much. No one expects there to be one way fitting for all.</p><p></p><p>My troubled kid is out from home, but not because we would had kicked him out but because him pursuing his goals. If he would need it, we would allow him to come back (and he does stay here some time during summer etc.) His core issues are about mental health though he does have had behavioural problems from early on and in one point was deeply in trouble because of an addiction. He isn't even nice to live with; at best he is disruptive and when he is having difficult time he is downright obnoxious to live with. Still, last fall when he was in crisis, and spend a month at home while sick leave, we talked with him about if he would like to take more time off and live at home and regroup while we would finance that. He didn't want that, because it would had seriously hindered him from pursuing his goals. We also now finance him some services we find important, though he mostly makes his living himself.</p><p></p><p>He is dangerous only to our sanity and (nowadays very seldomly) to our property. Often not so respectful, but loving. So we have not needed to kick him out for our safety (when he was more of a danger, and he never physically attacked us even then but did more damage to property, like slashed our car tires regularly, burnt one of our out buildings (well, that was likely partly accident) he was still a minor.) He is more or less compliant with treatment and is becoming better at negotiating with providers.</p><p></p><p>There are lots of people here with different experiences, and while it may feel that everyone does 'the tough love' if you read topics about substance abuse (and even then that is not actually true) it is different when we are talking about our neurologically different kids or those with mental health issues. Logic usually goes that most substance abusers are capable of making sound decisions, they just rather choose the substances. When problems stem from neurological difference or mental health issue, being capable to do better at least at that time and place is not so easy to assume.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 656290, member: 14557"] No, tough love is not requirement of the board. Some people have found it a best way in their situation, or least bad way anyway, but your situation is your situation. Ideas we throw out of course reflect our experiences and some may be more fitting to your situation and some not so much. No one expects there to be one way fitting for all. My troubled kid is out from home, but not because we would had kicked him out but because him pursuing his goals. If he would need it, we would allow him to come back (and he does stay here some time during summer etc.) His core issues are about mental health though he does have had behavioural problems from early on and in one point was deeply in trouble because of an addiction. He isn't even nice to live with; at best he is disruptive and when he is having difficult time he is downright obnoxious to live with. Still, last fall when he was in crisis, and spend a month at home while sick leave, we talked with him about if he would like to take more time off and live at home and regroup while we would finance that. He didn't want that, because it would had seriously hindered him from pursuing his goals. We also now finance him some services we find important, though he mostly makes his living himself. He is dangerous only to our sanity and (nowadays very seldomly) to our property. Often not so respectful, but loving. So we have not needed to kick him out for our safety (when he was more of a danger, and he never physically attacked us even then but did more damage to property, like slashed our car tires regularly, burnt one of our out buildings (well, that was likely partly accident) he was still a minor.) He is more or less compliant with treatment and is becoming better at negotiating with providers. There are lots of people here with different experiences, and while it may feel that everyone does 'the tough love' if you read topics about substance abuse (and even then that is not actually true) it is different when we are talking about our neurologically different kids or those with mental health issues. Logic usually goes that most substance abusers are capable of making sound decisions, they just rather choose the substances. When problems stem from neurological difference or mental health issue, being capable to do better at least at that time and place is not so easy to assume. [/QUOTE]
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Is there any way I can help him without tough love
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