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Is this difficult child territory?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654879" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think it's best not to do too much talking when it comes to drugs/alcohol. No excuses to listen to. No conversations about how pot is legal and innocent. Nothing. You sit the kid down and "just the facts, ma'am."</p><p></p><p>"When you sleep at our house you have to be home at 8pm for the night. No car. No partying. Period."</p><p></p><p>Him B--b-bbut that's not fair.</p><p></p><p>You: Life isn't fair. That's our rules. Our house/our rules.</p><p></p><p>And stick to it. You can't do a thing about mom's house/mom's rules, but you can make sure your own house is a safe haven for you and yours. And conversations go nowhere as our adult kids who use drugs are just manipulators. They don't need us to explain things to them. They know. You don't approve of it and won't tolerate it in your home. Period. Consequences is he loses the use of your home if he won't follow your rules when he is with you. If we don't put the kibosh down hard and not waver, our adult kids think we're weak and take advantage of us and use our house like THEY are paying for it. I find that less is more. If he wants to have a discussion with Dad about a girlfriend, by all means, have Dad talk to him about that topic as long as they want it to go on. But not about drugs or alcohol (which is a drug). Just stte the rules and keep repeating them and if he gets out of hand or obnoxious tell him to go to his mother's house.</p><p></p><p>Too many of us give our power to our children in our own house. I have come to see that this is not good for anyone--not us and not them.</p><p></p><p>And to me your stepson is indicating the beginnings of a Difficult Child. And I always tell my kids and always have (three were adopted) that drug addiction runs in their genetic tree andt hat if they choose to take drugs they are more likely to become addicted than somebody without this in their family trees. Neither of the two younger kids have done drugs or even hang around with drug users and from I hear from Jumper's college friends she doesn't even drink. I do think it helps to let them know something may be a problem to them that is not a problem to somebody else. And that addiction runs in the DNA. I can't think of one reason not to bring that up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654879, member: 1550"] I think it's best not to do too much talking when it comes to drugs/alcohol. No excuses to listen to. No conversations about how pot is legal and innocent. Nothing. You sit the kid down and "just the facts, ma'am." "When you sleep at our house you have to be home at 8pm for the night. No car. No partying. Period." Him B--b-bbut that's not fair. You: Life isn't fair. That's our rules. Our house/our rules. And stick to it. You can't do a thing about mom's house/mom's rules, but you can make sure your own house is a safe haven for you and yours. And conversations go nowhere as our adult kids who use drugs are just manipulators. They don't need us to explain things to them. They know. You don't approve of it and won't tolerate it in your home. Period. Consequences is he loses the use of your home if he won't follow your rules when he is with you. If we don't put the kibosh down hard and not waver, our adult kids think we're weak and take advantage of us and use our house like THEY are paying for it. I find that less is more. If he wants to have a discussion with Dad about a girlfriend, by all means, have Dad talk to him about that topic as long as they want it to go on. But not about drugs or alcohol (which is a drug). Just stte the rules and keep repeating them and if he gets out of hand or obnoxious tell him to go to his mother's house. Too many of us give our power to our children in our own house. I have come to see that this is not good for anyone--not us and not them. And to me your stepson is indicating the beginnings of a Difficult Child. And I always tell my kids and always have (three were adopted) that drug addiction runs in their genetic tree andt hat if they choose to take drugs they are more likely to become addicted than somebody without this in their family trees. Neither of the two younger kids have done drugs or even hang around with drug users and from I hear from Jumper's college friends she doesn't even drink. I do think it helps to let them know something may be a problem to them that is not a problem to somebody else. And that addiction runs in the DNA. I can't think of one reason not to bring that up. [/QUOTE]
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