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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749159" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What we are doing with our sons, is supporting them to locate "doing better" in themselves. Their wanting better and recognizing that the change they seek is located in what they do differently, so that they "work" and that their lives "work." We are trying to allow this spark in them to wake up. Like an ignition that has gone to sleep.</p><p></p><p>I have been having trouble with my gas stove. I tried to wash it with too much water and I wrecked everything. The oven will not light anymore. This is what happens with our kids. There is the fuel, the gas, that is available. But the ignition is not communicating/doing it's job. As long as we are the match, we take the place of the igniter, these young men will wait for us to do. They have gotten in that habit, and they have forgotten that they have the capacity to ignite themselves. </p><p></p><p>For this to change they have to be left to their own devices. Just as your son decided to go to get that food, he can decide to do all kinds of other things. This is not a bottoming process. It is a learning process. That is what I think. </p><p></p><p>You can tell son: OKAY. We have gotten through this week with the egg salad sandwiches, we need to up our game. You ARE in this with him. It's just that you are in this to support competency and responsibility. Not dependency. </p><p></p><p>You are doing this!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749159, member: 18958"] What we are doing with our sons, is supporting them to locate "doing better" in themselves. Their wanting better and recognizing that the change they seek is located in what they do differently, so that they "work" and that their lives "work." We are trying to allow this spark in them to wake up. Like an ignition that has gone to sleep. I have been having trouble with my gas stove. I tried to wash it with too much water and I wrecked everything. The oven will not light anymore. This is what happens with our kids. There is the fuel, the gas, that is available. But the ignition is not communicating/doing it's job. As long as we are the match, we take the place of the igniter, these young men will wait for us to do. They have gotten in that habit, and they have forgotten that they have the capacity to ignite themselves. For this to change they have to be left to their own devices. Just as your son decided to go to get that food, he can decide to do all kinds of other things. This is not a bottoming process. It is a learning process. That is what I think. You can tell son: OKAY. We have gotten through this week with the egg salad sandwiches, we need to up our game. You ARE in this with him. It's just that you are in this to support competency and responsibility. Not dependency. You are doing this! [/QUOTE]
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