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...is this still enabling?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749160" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Oh. I think he wants it. But he wants YOU to do it. Or somebody else.</p><p></p><p>He has to come to the place where he wants it, yes. And wants to do it too. Or at least accepts that he will be the one to do it, if he wants it. This is not a punishment. It is not an abandonment. It is getting out of the way to permit somebody to step up in their life as they can.</p><p></p><p>I think there are all kinds of ways that you can support and love him. And at the same time permit him to do for himself, too.</p><p></p><p>I respect what he did to go to that food place and to get that food. I don't think it would be enabling, for example, to help him find a battery operated refrigerator for his car.</p><p></p><p>I just checked online. I found one at Target for 33 dollars. Personally, I would consider this to be a way to support him and take care of yourself, at the same time. And, if you want to, establish a regular date for the two of you to eat dinner once a week *you can cook together, and watch a movie together. Make it positive and special. For both of you. To me, this is not enabling. It is love.</p><p></p><p>Of course, a battery operated refrigerator will solve nothing, really. Because he will still be unable to make, say, BLT sandwiches. He will lack the frying pan and electricity. (What are you going to do, buy him a generator? No. I do not think so.)</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, at some point it needs to click in,<em> I am living in a way that is uncomfortable and highly limited. Is it worth it to me, or do I want to change it? And if I want to change it, what do I want and how will I get it?</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749160, member: 18958"] Oh. I think he wants it. But he wants YOU to do it. Or somebody else. He has to come to the place where he wants it, yes. And wants to do it too. Or at least accepts that he will be the one to do it, if he wants it. This is not a punishment. It is not an abandonment. It is getting out of the way to permit somebody to step up in their life as they can. I think there are all kinds of ways that you can support and love him. And at the same time permit him to do for himself, too. I respect what he did to go to that food place and to get that food. I don't think it would be enabling, for example, to help him find a battery operated refrigerator for his car. I just checked online. I found one at Target for 33 dollars. Personally, I would consider this to be a way to support him and take care of yourself, at the same time. And, if you want to, establish a regular date for the two of you to eat dinner once a week *you can cook together, and watch a movie together. Make it positive and special. For both of you. To me, this is not enabling. It is love. Of course, a battery operated refrigerator will solve nothing, really. Because he will still be unable to make, say, BLT sandwiches. He will lack the frying pan and electricity. (What are you going to do, buy him a generator? No. I do not think so.) But the thing is, at some point it needs to click in,[I] I am living in a way that is uncomfortable and highly limited. Is it worth it to me, or do I want to change it? And if I want to change it, what do I want and how will I get it?[/I] [/QUOTE]
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