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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 42393" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi, Michaele. Welcome. Help is at hand!</p><p></p><p>Get the book. "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Whether she's BiPolar (BP) or ODD or both - or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or whatever. The book helps you get under HER skin the way she gets under yours, and work to turn the problem behaviour around, generally with a lot less effort than you're expending right now. But you do need to READ it first - it's not heavy enough to hit her over the head with (hey, my attempt at some humour).</p><p></p><p>You mentioned her rudeness over what you put on the table - I immediately visualised that wonderful scene in "Sister Act" when Whoopi Goldberg is rude about the food and Mother Superior immediately puts her on a fast. Something like, "OK, if it's that bad then I will feed yours to someone else, you can go without." Of course, an oppositional kid will then try to get food in some other way, but if she ends up organising her own meal then at least she's not being rude about your cooking. You might need to limit what food is available, though - no junk food in the house, for example.</p><p>For us, dessert is only permitted when the main course has been completely eaten. If for whatever reason (not hungry enough, don't like it when they normally eat it, too impatient, genuinely unwell) the main course doesn't get finished, then no dessert. "You can't have any ice cream because you're too full/you haven't eaten a balanced meal/you haven't time/you're not well."</p><p></p><p>Biting her toenails! MWM is right, this could be an indicator for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in some form which is often found in high-functioning autism - in which case, it's hard to change the habit so don't try. Basket C. If she's doing it to annoy you, don't get angry. STILL Basket C! I would just congratulate her on still being flexible enough to bite her toenails, and move on. She won't be doing it when she's an office worker - got to take off the stilettos and pantyhose first, to bite toenails. And the boss might get the wrong idea if you do that.</p><p></p><p>Trying to assess for high-functioning autism is tricky as they're older, especially if they're bright. They don't mean to be deceptive but they Do adapt to trying to fit in. They teach themselves some rudimentary social skills, for example, so a lot of the deficits seen in younger High-Functioning Autism (HFA) kids are masked or resolved when they're older. This doesn't mean they're cured - it just means they have made allowances. Life for them is still very stressful and confusing.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, welcome aboard, looking forward to hearing more from you. by the way, difficult child means Gift From God (the reason we're on this site). easy child means Perfect Child. husband means Darling Husband, sometimes with tongue firmly in cheek. DEX - Darling ex (DEFINITELY with tongue in cheek!). There is a page somewhere with all the acronyms or you can do what I did - learn as you go.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 42393, member: 1991"] Hi, Michaele. Welcome. Help is at hand! Get the book. "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Whether she's BiPolar (BP) or ODD or both - or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or whatever. The book helps you get under HER skin the way she gets under yours, and work to turn the problem behaviour around, generally with a lot less effort than you're expending right now. But you do need to READ it first - it's not heavy enough to hit her over the head with (hey, my attempt at some humour). You mentioned her rudeness over what you put on the table - I immediately visualised that wonderful scene in "Sister Act" when Whoopi Goldberg is rude about the food and Mother Superior immediately puts her on a fast. Something like, "OK, if it's that bad then I will feed yours to someone else, you can go without." Of course, an oppositional kid will then try to get food in some other way, but if she ends up organising her own meal then at least she's not being rude about your cooking. You might need to limit what food is available, though - no junk food in the house, for example. For us, dessert is only permitted when the main course has been completely eaten. If for whatever reason (not hungry enough, don't like it when they normally eat it, too impatient, genuinely unwell) the main course doesn't get finished, then no dessert. "You can't have any ice cream because you're too full/you haven't eaten a balanced meal/you haven't time/you're not well." Biting her toenails! MWM is right, this could be an indicator for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in some form which is often found in high-functioning autism - in which case, it's hard to change the habit so don't try. Basket C. If she's doing it to annoy you, don't get angry. STILL Basket C! I would just congratulate her on still being flexible enough to bite her toenails, and move on. She won't be doing it when she's an office worker - got to take off the stilettos and pantyhose first, to bite toenails. And the boss might get the wrong idea if you do that. Trying to assess for high-functioning autism is tricky as they're older, especially if they're bright. They don't mean to be deceptive but they Do adapt to trying to fit in. They teach themselves some rudimentary social skills, for example, so a lot of the deficits seen in younger High-Functioning Autism (HFA) kids are masked or resolved when they're older. This doesn't mean they're cured - it just means they have made allowances. Life for them is still very stressful and confusing. Anyway, welcome aboard, looking forward to hearing more from you. by the way, difficult child means Gift From God (the reason we're on this site). easy child means Perfect Child. husband means Darling Husband, sometimes with tongue firmly in cheek. DEX - Darling ex (DEFINITELY with tongue in cheek!). There is a page somewhere with all the acronyms or you can do what I did - learn as you go. Marg [/QUOTE]
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