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Is your difficult child a psychopath?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627048" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Let's face it. Change is so much harder than doing what is known and comfortable and familiar. Change is brand new territory. It doesn't feel safe or comfortable. We don't know what will happen with change. It's a brand new pathway ahead.</p><p></p><p>We do know what happens if we stay and same. Even if it's awful, it's known.</p><p></p><p>The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. </p><p></p><p>And with this type of change, that we here are ready to pursue, it goes against our own DNA, our culture, our belief system, our hopes and our dreams. We also have to look at ourselves and admit that what we did was wrong. Nobody likes to do that. </p><p></p><p>And then, because many others---friends, family, acquaintances---don't understand addiction, they are critical of what we are doing. </p><p></p><p>So it's double-hard. Triple-hard. Quadruple hard.</p><p></p><p>It's a lonely path. </p><p></p><p>In life, it's so hard to know what is right, many times. I believe in many cases, there is no one right decision. There are multiple right decisions. Which college to go to? What course of study? What job to take? What person to marry? Etc. </p><p></p><p>So once we start on this path of recovery ourselves, recovering from enabling and trying to control and manage other people, we often aren't sure of what is right. We are shaky, and perhaps that is a safeguard. </p><p></p><p>We start to get affirmation as we begin to feel better. But feelings aren't facts? right, so that can't be the only barometer. That is why I have read and read and read about addiction, to try to understand what experts know about it. </p><p></p><p>Understanding addiction more is affirming about stopping enabling. </p><p></p><p>And also many of you, who say when you stopped, finally, the difficult child started to do some thing on his or her own and started to get better. That is so important for me to hear, since my difficult child has not done this. Yet.</p><p></p><p>Also, it is common sense that if I am doing something for somebody else that they should be doing for themselves---the responsibilities of life---that isn't good for me or them. That rings true to me. </p><p></p><p>It's natural to fight against this path of recovery, and that is exactly why we have to be so sick and tired before we are ready to try it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627048, member: 17542"] Let's face it. Change is so much harder than doing what is known and comfortable and familiar. Change is brand new territory. It doesn't feel safe or comfortable. We don't know what will happen with change. It's a brand new pathway ahead. We do know what happens if we stay and same. Even if it's awful, it's known. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. And with this type of change, that we here are ready to pursue, it goes against our own DNA, our culture, our belief system, our hopes and our dreams. We also have to look at ourselves and admit that what we did was wrong. Nobody likes to do that. And then, because many others---friends, family, acquaintances---don't understand addiction, they are critical of what we are doing. So it's double-hard. Triple-hard. Quadruple hard. It's a lonely path. In life, it's so hard to know what is right, many times. I believe in many cases, there is no one right decision. There are multiple right decisions. Which college to go to? What course of study? What job to take? What person to marry? Etc. So once we start on this path of recovery ourselves, recovering from enabling and trying to control and manage other people, we often aren't sure of what is right. We are shaky, and perhaps that is a safeguard. We start to get affirmation as we begin to feel better. But feelings aren't facts? right, so that can't be the only barometer. That is why I have read and read and read about addiction, to try to understand what experts know about it. Understanding addiction more is affirming about stopping enabling. And also many of you, who say when you stopped, finally, the difficult child started to do some thing on his or her own and started to get better. That is so important for me to hear, since my difficult child has not done this. Yet. Also, it is common sense that if I am doing something for somebody else that they should be doing for themselves---the responsibilities of life---that isn't good for me or them. That rings true to me. It's natural to fight against this path of recovery, and that is exactly why we have to be so sick and tired before we are ready to try it. [/QUOTE]
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