Isn't it nice to be acknowledged.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I had our final family therapy appointment with kt at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) today. It was very emotional AND much needed to be said.

    First kt asked why, after all she & wm threw at husband & myself, we didn't "trade us in for better kids". I sat there stunned ~ therapist stepped in & said "You & wm were very lucky - your parents are gems." kt beamed at that.

    In the meantime, I set up some very basic rules that kt must follow. therapist & I had discussed kt's closure appointment with her & psychiatrist the day before. psychiatrist asked, after her last discharge (remember last May, folks), when did she know that it wasn't going to work here at home. kt replied - 3 weeks. So therapist & kt discussed that; therapist discussed that with me before our appointment today. Asked me to give kt permission to let me know if/when it was too much for her to be here at home.

    I promised to not fall apart ~ I told therapist that as a mom this is the last thing I want to say to my child. I want her home & healthy & functioning.

    I told kt this afternoon that it's okay to let me know if she felt she couldn't make it here for whatever reason we would find another place for her to continue her very intense therapy that was cut short. I didn't want our relationship permanently damaged because of the emotional demands a family places on her. kt was in tears but thanked me for that freedom.

    kt & I will check in daily - feelings, chores, fun & life in general. If kt feels in over her head she will tell me & I will call mental health case manager to put Plan B in place.

    kt has worked her behind off during this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement. She's grown in many ways; has lots to keep working on (her GAF is only 38). Boundaries, self respect & empowerment after the abuse she suffered in bio home. That haunts her.

    Thanks for letting me "talk".
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I know she has a lot of work ahead of her, but it warms my heart to see the trust and faith she places in you, Linda. :)
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    don't ever feel that those around you don't understand the commitment you have toward your children. It is clearly obvious that you deeply love your children and want what is best for them.

    It is wonderful to hear others say it out loud. It is even better to hear that kt has some understanding as well.

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Linda, this sounds great to me! You two have come a lot further than I'd expected and this really should make both of you more at ease about her return home and start things out on a good path. I watched one of those talk shows last week and they were saying that just letting someone else know that you want to talk in order to work things out and keep the lines of communication open, not because they should expect to here the worst, can relieve so much pressure in any family relationship.

    difficult child and I made one very small step in that direction this past weekend at visitation and it left me feeling like at least the door was cracked now to allow more communication in the future. I want it to get to the point you described before he comes home, including "checking in" with each other to make sure our stresses with each other don't build up to the point they did before. Of course, I have no idea what our plan B will be.

    I applaud you and kt to getting this far when only a few weeks ago you were really stressed over how this was going to go. I'm sure you're still nervous about it, and I will be when difficult child comes home too, but I hopw this meeting today serves to provide you a little reassurance and some hope for a better future for both of you!
  5. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Since I am the mother of twins I am fascinated that she still thinks of herself as part of a unit even though she and wm have been living apart. She asked why you didn't trade BOTH of them for better kids.

    difficult child 2 just emailed me that he knows he is much loved by us because "why else would you have put up with me?". He seems to have no doubt about our commitment to him. That took my breath away. It never occurred to me to stop loving him, even when I hated what he was doing to this family.

    There is hope, Linda. You are a very brave woman, I would be beaming too, had I had a mother like you!
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm glad it was a good session. Surely that in itself will help ease the transition.

    Linda, you and KT are in my prayers. I so hope this goes well.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm nervous about this discharge. I'm also aware that kt will likely take the out I gave her to move on to Plan B.

    We're both aware that with her attachment issues there is sometimes a need to be a family of different addresses ~ as with wm.

    I'm getting ahead of myself though, have to get through discharge & staffing here at home.

    ThreeS, usually wm is the "spokesperson" between the 2 of them. It's so good to hear kt make these statements rather than wm. She has requested that she not be forced to talk to or see her twin.

    klmno, I expect you & difficult child will get to the point of checking in with each other. AND I'm terrified of kt coming home. It's just going to happen & I have to face it.

    Thank you all for the prayers, hugs & good thoughts. What will happen will happen. kt & I will continue our journey.
  8. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    It sounds like a lot progress is being made, even if it isn't all going in the 'typcial family dynamic' direction that we hope for.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like she's making progress! Glad to hear it was a positive meeting. Hugs to you both.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm saying many prayers that the transition home go smoothly. Hugs.